Everything You Never Knew : Secrets

Chapter 17

Just because the police chased the media away didn't mean they were going to stop trying. A police car was parked on the street by Rachel's driveway to ward off media that was 'late to the party' but Rachel and her Mother only had that luxury for the rest of the evening. Past that, they'd have to call the police on their own if wormy reporters continued to trespass. Every time Rachel heard a noise she pulled back the curtain and cautiously peered out of her window. The house-phone rang several times but both Rachel and her Mother, per the advice of the police, let it continuously go to voicemail. Rachel's cell rang a few more times too but she couldn't bring herself to answer any more calls, even when Claire's name showed up on the Caller ID twice.

Claire was a nice girl, half-fan half-friend of Ashley who knew firsthand the consequences of getting mixed up with people like Ami, Christy and Jamie. Rachel figured Claire was calling to express her sympathies and sorrow with good intentions but she couldn't stomach any more vocal contact right now.

Rachel's mind remained fixated on Ami as the night wore on. What was Ami saying on the Internet? How could she be so heartless as to trash poor Ashley when she was dead and gone and couldn't defend herself ever again? Not that she could defend herself before, though, and that was something Rachel knew bothered Ashley a lot. Ashley became a public figure and if someone bashed her she wasn't exactly allowed to defend herself. She was a role model, and because of that, she had to remain poised, classy and mature, and she could never, ever slip up. Even if she were to say something in defense of herself she would end up getting more publicly ridiculed for it than praised. Ashley's management, label, and parents drilled it into her head again and again and again how important it was to never sway from the positive image she was obligated to present. Her behavior was looked at and judged by millions and every time she made a decision, that decision influenced countless teenage girls struggling with presumably the same problems Ashley did, even if on a less public scale.

Maybe if Ashley wasn't so pressured and guilted she would have confided in more people about her pregnancy. Maybe she wouldn't have had an abortion after all, or maybe she still would have but only after a lot of thinking and deciding it was the right thing for her to do.

The media was wrong. Even though Ashley thought she was being revolutionary and doing things different because she demanded control and a say in how her art, and herself, were presented publicly the same pressures still remained. They were the same pressures that the Disney kids seemed so eager to rebel against and the older pop stars seemed to dismiss. Ashley really cared about her fans and not just in a 'what-they-can-do-for-my-career' way. She cared about their well being. She was sad when bad things happened to them and sometimes the line between fan and friend got crossed, though that was more early on than recent. That was how she met Claire, and others too, that came from not so great backgrounds and said that Ashley's music changed their lives.

Maybe Ashley should have been more detached from her fans. Or maybe she wasn't attached enough, the way she was so worried about the image she presented to them. Only in her music did Ashley deviate from her 'image' and really let her true, raw self show. She was satisfied with that, proud of herself for that, and Rachel was proud of her too but slowly she'd let her fame pressure her into believing she had to look like the perfect role model. She thought she was doing the right thing. She didn't want to be like an ex-Disney kid and have revealing photos end up in magazines or videos of her with bongs leaking onto the internet. Ashley got so annoyed when celebrities got caught in situations like that and then whined about them; she always said “If you don't want people to see you doing something, either don't do it, or at least be discreet about it!” Ashley definitely didn't grow up famous but she thought she had a handle on how to deal with it. Great for her outer image, bad for her inner image.