Everything You Never Knew : Secrets

Chapter 19

Rachel pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them as if tightening herself up into a ball could keep the jarring memories of the past at bay. Unfortunately this tactic didn't work and the black behind her eyelids began to swirl into images, faces, and voices.

The two years following Ashley's breakup with Jonathon had shown Ashley changing as drastically as a caterpillar turned into a butterfly, only Rachel suspected the truth was the opposite. Ashley had always been a butterfly even if she didn't know it, but a meek girl who had limitless dreams had her wings broken and now lived in fear. She'd dated a handful of other guys since, but they were all egotistical jerks who always hurt her in the end. She'd cry, write music about each crumbled relationship and then move on, but no other guy was earth-shattering the way Jonathon was. Rachel knew why; Ashley never let another guy get close enough to her to hurt her like that. Jonathon destroyed the fragile self esteem that Ashley struggled to gather when her career started taking off and flushed it down the toilet. Every performance saw Ashley becoming more at ease and confident with her craft but internally it was a whole different story. Rachel figured all Ashley really needed was a true Prince Charming to come along and love her enough to break through the walls she had built. If someone could do that Rachel honestly believed Ashley would find the love she'd always longed for and she'd be happy again.

Rachel always wished she could be that person.

Maybe she could have been, now that Ashley finally decided to reach out to her. But she'd never know.

Rachel vividly remembered the first time Ashley called her and told her about being in contact with Nathan.

When Ashley's name showed up on the Caller ID, Rachel's hand lurched for the phone with both excitement and a bit of anger as she pressed 'talk'.

“Well if it isn't the Great Ashley Noelle,” Rachel half-teased, half-scolded as she sat back against her mountain of pillows. “Girl, what's going on, I'm guessing you've been busy!” Usually Ashley would giggle and spill all of the things going on in her life with eagerness but instead there was only a hesitant pause. This caused Rachel's initial smile to fade. “Ash?”

“Sorry – I'm here,” Ashley finally replied with a nervous tone. Uh-oh.

“Are you okay?” Hopefully this wasn't one of Ashley's crying fits. It wasn't that Rachel wasn't understanding about Ashley's depression, but it was so hard to hear her fall apart over the phone when Rachel wasn't physically there to comfort her or get her ice cream or play with her hair while she cried. Awkward phone calls like this had been happening more and more frequently since Jonathon.

“Yeah, I am. There's something I wanna tell you.” Rachel couldn't tell by Ashley's tone if it was something good or something bad and that worried her; Ashley was usually so verbally expressive.

“You can tell me anything,” Rachel assured her best friend. A few more moments of awkward silence passed.

“I've been talking to Nathan.” It was Rachel's turn to be awkwardly silent for a moment as she attempted to process Ashley's statement. Nathan? Nathan who? Someone from their past? Did they know a guy named Nathan? Then, it hit Rachel with the force of a monster truck.

“WAIT. NATHAN KANE? JONATHON'S BROTHER?” Oh lord, was Ashley trying to get in contact with Jonathon now? Maybe that was good! Maybe if they sat and talked they could work through the past and Ashley could finally have a chance to move on. This could be a wonderful, wonderful thing!

“Yeah.” Ashley replied. Rachel remained silent and gave her a friend a chance to explain. “Out of the blue he emailed me.” she began. Her tone was careful, cautious. Why? “We started talking.” Rachel held her breath waiting for the punchline. She was going to say she's talking to Jonathon again, wasn't she? “He wants to see me.” Rachel sat up from her pillows as every muscle in her body tightened. Jonathon wanted to see Ashley? Rachel knew it would only mean one of two things and they were both extreme and maybe even dangerous for Ashley. Either he was going to re-break her heart if she allowed it to swell with hope and crash her battleship for good with absolutely no turning back, or he was going to ask for another chance with her. What would happen if they tried again? Had Jonathon actually grown up? It didn't look like it from a distance. His cocky self was always being tossed on the front of teen gossip magazines with girl after girl in arm like he was plowing through them on a daily basis. Then again, Rachel knew, simply because she was Ashley's best friend, how wrong gossip magazines and blogs usually got things. She knew there was so much more to a person than whatever shots the paparazzi could capture and whatever stories they made up to go along with them.