It's a Nightmare

Chapter Twenty Two

Lucas

It's all my fault. All my fault. I should be dead. Everyone else in my life would be happier if I was dead. Why was I still alive? Oh right; I was too cowardly to kill myself and am too strong to die under my father's beatings.

Mom would still be with Father if I was gone; Claire, Lillian, and Jax would be living. And Isaac wouldn't know if I was alive or dead. He wouldn't remember me. And Riley- being the beautiful, terrific person she is- would find a new boyfriend. There would be millions of other boys who would be honored to have her as a girlfriend.

"I'll come back later Sweetheart. I love you."

See Lucas, Riley is leaving you. She is sick and tired of dealing with your ****. She's never going to come back. Right now, she's probably telling her parents to kick you out. You've put too much pressure on her. She's going to snap. She doesn't even love you. She feels sorry for you; that's why she claimed that "she loves you".

Moving quickly, I rummaged through my bag and found my razor blade. These were one of the few things I had managed to keep hidden away from Father, next to my journal and $301.

Riley- sweet, thoughtful Riley- had taken off my bandages to clean my wounds, which left my white scars exposed. The urge to end my life took over my body and I placed the blade against my wrist.

Suddenly, there was a knock at my door.

"Lucas?" Came Riley's soft voice. "Can we talk now?"

"Sure Riley," I replied. The razor disappeared into my bag, tucked under a navy blue sweatshirt. I then took my place at the end of the bed.

She opened the door, with Isaac tucked under her arm. Isaac went in his crib and Riley sat next to me. I couldn't look my girlfriend in the eyes. How could I when I had almost killed myself in her house. If I looked at her, I would break. I was sure of it. Then she would leave me, and I'd be alone.

"Lucas, would you like me to get you a shirt?"

Yes, please. I hated my body. I was too fat, My scars were awful. I was ugly. How Riley loved me, I had no idea.

That's because she doesn't. Lucas, she feels sorry for you. Everyone who helps you just feels sorry for you.

"Thank you," I mumbled.

Pressing a light kiss to my cheek, Riley got up and went over to my bag. I watched her out of the corner of my eye. She froze.

"Lucas. Honey." She paused between each word. "What is this?" She stood up and turned towards me.

In one hand, she held navy blue fabric. In the other, she held my razor.

There goes my girlfriend. ******* **** Lucas, why do you screw everything up? You always screw everything up!

A tear dripped down my cheek. I blinked hard.

"Hey. Hey. Hey." Riley sat down beside me. "Baby, what's wrong? I'm not going to leave you, if that's what your thinking."

She's lying. She hates you. Everyone hates you.

More tears.

Riley grabbed my non-injured arm and pulled me to my feet. Our eyes locked.

"Lucas, please listen to me. Please ingrain this into your head. I will never leave you. Okay? I love you."

Did she mean it? Was she telling me the truth? No, no. She didn't mean it. She doesn't mean it.

Riley wrapped her arms around my neck. Her finger brushed over the FILTHY LIAR burned into my shoulder. Her face was buried into my bare chest.

I put my arms around her back.

She tilted her back and looked me in the eye.

"I love you baby. And I'm not mad. Okay? We'll talk about this in the morning." She kissed me gently on the lips.

"I love you too Riley." I kissed her back.

"By the way, dinners ready. Do you want to eat?"

Great. Another stress magnet. Me eating.