Escaping Life

The Cuts

She doesn't feel like she can take it anymore.

The pain is so much, it's all she knows and she doesn't think it'll ever get any better.

And when she's trying the most to smile things seem to get worse in her life.

It's been a couple weeks, and she feels exactly the same.

Except her mom has been watching her constantly.

And her sister is so worried, she doesn't really know what's going on.

Her mom still doesn't know she cuts.

She forces her to eat, even though most of it gets thrown back up.

Her mom calls her downstairs.

She goes downstairs and asks her mom what she wants.

Her mom asks how she's been feeling, knowing it's not good.

Her mom asks if she cuts.

She says no, lying.

She just didn't want her family knowing, she didn't want attention and for them to crowd her.

She says her cousin Dani, goes through that too, and she cuts.

She says she goes to a support group.

Dani is 16 also.

Her mom asks if she wants to go to a support group and she says no.

She said that she has to try it, and the first one is in two days, on Saturday.

She likes Dani.

Dani is probably her favorite cousin, she is always there for her.

Dani was the only one she ever told about her bullying and depression, because she was going through the same thing.

So at least Dani will be in support group too.

She wouldn't want to be alone.

She goes upstairs and looks on the bed at her laptop.

Should she pick it up?

'Please don't pick it up. It makes you sad, and I don't like seeing you sad.'

She hears a small voice and turns around and sees her little sister Lizzy standing there, her eyes wet with tears.

She decides against it for her sister's sake.

She sits on the bed and gestures for her sister to sit.

She asks her what's wrong.

Lizzy says she doesn't like seeing her sister sad.

She rolls up her sleeves and hugs her sister, trying to make her feel better.

'What are those?'

Her sister points to her cuts.

Oh no.

She forgot about it and accidentally rolled her sleeves up.

And now she knows.

'These, um, these are...cuts.' she says painfully.

'Did the mean people do this to you?' she asks, a tear beginning it's course down her cheek.

'No, I- I did it.'

'Why did you cut yourself?' multiple tears running down her cheeks now.

'People hurt me and than I hurt myself.' she says now crying also.

Lizzy looks at the scars, and the new cuts.

It was silent for awhile.

She examines the scars on both her wrists and up her arms.

'Please don't hurt yourself.' she whispers, looking at her with glossy eyes.

And at that moment, she lost it.

She started sobbing, hugging her sister tight.

And right then, she didn't even care, she just needed a shoulder to cry on.

The next day went by so slow.

She tried so hard not to cut because of her sister, but she just couldn't.

She cut, but only made 2 cuts.

And now she finds herself in the car, on the way to support group with Dani, which she doesn't want to go to.

She stares out the window, her mind drifting away.

Her mom parks the car in the parking lot of what looks like an old church.

She gets out of the car and goes into what seems like will be her biggest nightmare.