Listen to my Voice

Chapter 12: "Destiny at stake"

What am I doing?

Ang tagal na naming naghiwalay ni Keith pero hanggang ngayon malinaw pa sa'kin ang

lahat ng mga pinagsamahan namin. He used to be my everything, he was my first love

and I thought my last but the future can always change. Now I don't know if what I feel

for him is love or just pity?

"Hey." I stared at him long enough to realize that he's been waiting for a long time.

Pulang-pula na ang pisngi niya, his nose too, his lips faded the color of red and his

whole body's trembling from the aftermath of the cold rain.

"Hey yourself." I wrapped my scarf around his neck and as I move closer, I can smell

His breath, that same mint flavored wind.

"H-How have you been, Jamie? I m-miss you.." Nasa isang kilalang park kami ngayon

where couples spend most of their time talking to each other. Pero dahil sa katatapos

lang ng ulan, walang tao maliban sa'ming dalawa. It feels weird to be seating together

with him. Lagi kaming nandito no'n ni Keith before the mess started. He was the one

who showed me this place, he told me this is our spot, ours but now I wonder if he

brings Alice to this place as well.

"I bet you did." I wanna stop with all the sarcasm but my body won't listen to me.

"I-I'm sorry, Jamie." Hindi siya nakatingin sa'kin, he's looking at his hands while

they're going round and round.

"You know you should stop saying you're sorry, Keith. Matagal ng tapos ang lahat ng

yun. I-I've moved on from that now it's your turn. You can't say you're sorry forever."

"No. It's a mistake that I will forever be sorry for committing." He stopped playing with

his hands and he looked at me. Ng tumingin siya sa'kin, pakiramdam ko my apoy

samga mata niya, his gaze was starting to form a hole inside of me.

"Mistake? Is that what you call that? Alam mo ng masasaktan ako Keith, you knew

what will happen but you still did it and I'm wondering why I even bothered to talk to

you about this." I wanna stop blaming him, I'm happy with Lucas already so why am I

still feeling this way? It's been more than a year already.

"Why didn't you tell me anything before? Bakit ba napakarami mong lihim na hindi

mo man lang kayang sabihin sa'kin. Ano bang kulang sa'kin?" Madiin ang bawat

salitang binibigkas niya. Each word keeps on echoing inside my heart.

"Even if I told you the truth will there be a difference? Pinagpalit mo ko kay Alice

because you said she was always there for you. Lagi na lang ako ang sinisisi mo pero

bakit hindi mo man lang nagawang iconsole ako kahit minsan lang? Alam ko naman

talagang kasalanan ko why you cheated on me but at the very least you have given me

the decency of a proper break-up. You broke up with me because you already have a

replacement for me. Wala akong kaalam-alam na while I was drowning myself in

sorrow, you already figured it all out. What's the mistake there, Keith, because I for

once wanna get this over with!" Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko. Galit? That's not the

right term pero I can't even explain what I'm feeling.

He lost his gaze at me and stared down. He's like a little child, a child that's been

caught doing something bad but can't come to defend himself.

"I-I'm sorry for raising my voice." I felt guilty all of a sudden.

"This is the first time you voiced out your heart." He smiled at me after all that I did.

"If you trusted me before it would have been different. Kahit pa sabihin nating

nagbabago ang bukas, kung sinabi mo noon sa'kin ang lahat ng nararamdaman mo, it

would have been different. Maybe, we'd still be together."

"How can you be so sure?!" Puno ng galit ang boses ko.

"Because I wouldn't have been with you in the first place if I never loved you. I love you

that's why naging tayo. Jamie, it's you who didn't give me the trust I deserve. Alam mo

ba na araw-araw na iisip ko na pano kaya kung pinagkatiwalaan mo ko dati, sana ako

pa rin yung taong nasa tabi ko. Sana alo padin yung taong nasa tabi mo. How I wish it

would still be me." He took my hands at kahit binabawi ko ang hawak niya, hindi ko

matanggal ang mga kamay niyang napaka-higpit.

"Aalis na ko, Keith. We've talked more than enough. I hope we don't see each other

again." Please no..

"No, Jamie. We're not yet over. Kahit kailan, di tayo matatapos." Natatakot ako sa

kanya. I ran away as he just sat there. Alam kong hindi niya ako hahabulin pero ang

mata niya ay di maalis. His gaze is enough to paralyze me.

I went straight to Lucas.

"Woah, ayos ka lang ba, Jamie?" I hugged him as tight as I could. Please don't let me

go. Please don't ever let me go Lucas.

"I understand. Let's get you inside, love." He kissed my forehead then hugged me back.

Pumasok kami sa bahay niya and we sat in his couch. All the while he was just hugging

me, not saying anything or asking. His embrace, his warmth is enough to calm my

fears.

As I close my eyes, naalala ko ang sinabi ni Keith na what if I trusted him? If I ever did,

Siya ba ang kasama ko hanggang ngayon? Siya ba ang yumayakap sa'kin ngayon?

Natatakot ako sa lahat ng nangyayari..

"I love you, Jamie.." Pero ng marinig ko ang boses ni Lucas, nawala ang takot sa'kin.

That time I was still naive, hindi ko man lang alam kung ano ba talaga ang dapat kong

maramdaman.

"I-I'm sorry...."

Author's Note:

Hi, guys! Long time no talk eh? May nagcomment kasi sa story kaya naisipan kong

suklian man lang yun by making an update. I know it's not long and it's not good but at

least part pa rin siya ng story. To Ms. Jhoana Upod, thank you for that lovely comment

dear. I present this update for you and to all my readers. Ayan, ginaganahan na ulet

akong magsulat. And again, thank you! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR TIME

AND EFFORT GUYS, I LOVE YOU ALL!

-Shayna-