Corn, Cows, and the Apocalypse

Failure to Meet Potential

After the announcements, Haden was held back for photos and political mumbo jumbo—the type of stuff I had hoped would disappear after the reckoning. Apparently there were too many politicians left behind for it to disappear for good.

By the time we got out of the event center, the parking lots were nearly empty. No one liked hanging around this close to the northern camp after dark. I couldn't say I blamed them. Even with the military on high alert and the tall, uselessly electrified fences, the grim still looked ominous.

As we reached our lot, I heard the sound of a familiar motorcycle. Garrett pulled out ahead of us with a wave of acknowledgment to our existence. I knew there was no chance of him sticking around. He had said as much, but once again, how did screwing someone not entitle you to a verbal goodbye?

"What was all that about?" August asked.

My mind frantically tried to figure out what I had revealed. "Your brother is an ass."

She looked after the motorcycle, confused about what I was talking about. "Don't change the subject. Why did you not follow my lead with that guy?"

"Who, Adrian?" I grimaced. I couldn't believe she was still on about that. "Dude was hot!"

"Lenore." Oh, how I loved being scolded by my own name. "You need to stop playing the fool to all this. I didn't ask Garrett to train you so you could just be emboldened by your bitterness."

I scoffed. "I'm emboldened by my new skills. The bitterness is from the scars up and down my body."

"Stop it!" August didn't yell the words so much as enunciate them in my face. I did indeed stop and looked at her. Devin and Haden divided and walked around us. They had no interest in being part of my admonishment. That was new. Usually everyone lined up to critique me.

"I know you are mad at me. That has been abundantly clear since I came back. I thought it was just because I left you behind. I get it now. I know he put you through hell. He went too far, but..." She let the word hang while she focused her thoughts without eye contact. "I know my brother." She looked at me squarely. "And I know you. If he had to go to that extreme to get what I needed from you, then I am on his side."

"What exactly do you need from me? I kind of lost that somewhere in all of this."

"For one thing, I need you to grow up." I tried to formulate a response that didn't sound childish. The resulting conclusions left me silent. "I need you to start taking all of this seriously. I need you to take yourself seriously. You are important. Why do you think I keep pushing you?"

"Because you want me to be able to defend myself, so you don't always have to do it for me," I responded blandly, since I had this lecture memorized.

August shook her head. "Lenore, do you trust me with your life?"

"Of course," I stated firmly so she knew that there was never any doubt of that, no matter how mad I was.

"Did it ever occur to you that I might want to trust you with mine?"

My jaw went slack and I felt the blood in my face drop to my toes. I had never once considered having to save my heroine. The thought made me as sick as giving an extemporaneous speech in my underwear.

"I don't want that responsibility, August." I shook my head vigorously. "I don't even want to be responsible for the horses." She frowned at the disjointed reference.

"Lenore, you have to stop dragging your feet. You are better than this."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are!" she snapped with volume she rarely used. "Just because you don't want to be, doesn't mean you can't be! Just because you are afraid doesn't mean you get to pull the covers over your head and hide! I need you, Lenore! I need you to quit fighting me!" I searched for something on my neck to play with, but I wasn't wearing a necklace. "This evening with Adrian, you insisted on encouraging him, when you knew I disapproved of his presence."

"He was just being nice. I didn't want to be a bitch."

"It doesn't matter what you want! It matters what your instincts tell you. My instincts told me he was bad news. You've always trusted my instincts before. Why did you question me tonight?"

"I got caught up in the energy. He was cute. I just couldn't help myself."

"And what did you think of him after you had a chance to evaluate him for yourself? Why did you pull your hand away from him?"

I looked her over, trying to decide if she was asking to know, or asking to prove her instincts were right. "I don't know."

"Bullshit!" She was so still even though we were arguing. The storm in her voice wouldn't translate to her body. "What did you feel when you touched him?"

"I didn't like it. He seemed creepy to me." I didn't elaborate on the extent of it, but she was satisfied.

"Your instincts are strong, but they are premature. You need to start using and developing them. Garrett has only gotten you halfway to where you need to be. You need to know who to trust just by looking in their eyes. You need to be better at identifying trouble before it becomes a problem." She paused for a beat, letting the calm yogi in her return. "Perhaps you weren't attracted to Adrian Dorn like you think you were."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe you were drawn to him for reasons other than his looks. Maybe you just interpreted your attraction to him as sexual, when it was actually primal."

I shook my head and looked for Devin and Haden. They were making out by the truck. I looked back at August, trying to formulate my question. "Are you speaking metaphorically? You mean women's intuition or something, right?"

"No, Lenore, I mean you have the power to read danger like any common person might read a street sign. Stop shaking your head," she scolded even before I was aware that I had been shaking it. "You are special. I don't know how many times I have to say that to you to make you believe it, but you are."

"I thought you meant greeting card special," I mumbled.

"I need you to step up or step down. I've already spent too much time asking and begging. From here on out, you put away that chip on your shoulder and start being a first sidekick, as you put it. If you can't do that, then we're leaving you behind."

My eyes went wide and I could feel the evening's beer and hot dog start to rise. "But I need you guys."

"I know, but if you aren't going to live up to your potential, we won't need you." August walked away, knocking the last of the wind out of my sails.