Corn, Cows, and the Apocalypse

Box Seats

Haden was situated in her box seat with Jimmy the Card sitting right beside her. He must have been a talented man, because he was not only getting her to smile, but also to laugh. Devin was sulking behind her with his foot propped on the back of her seat.

I slipped into the walled-in box and knelt beside him. He looked down at me with a combination of anger, sadness, and disappointment. I couldn't bear it, not from him.

"I'm sorry." I hugged his stomach, and for a moment I thought he might not offer me the forgiveness I desperately wanted and needed. He sighed and stroked my hair. When I looked back up at him, the emotions were the same, but less searing. "I'm sorry," I repeated.

"You have to stop fighting this, Lenore." He caressed my cheek. "Stop thinking about yourself. It has very little to do with you. Just follow your instincts." I lowered my eyes, knowing full well that my instincts weren't telling me anything different than what I had just told him.

"Whoever you were before the apocalypse," he continued, whoever you thought you were... none of that matters anymore."

I nodded, feeling the irony of Devin using those words on me. I said those words to Priest to make him understand that he was under no obligation to continue being a priest in the new world. By that rationale, even though I was a nobody before the apocalypse, I could still be somebody now.

"The person you were died that day," he whispered just barely loud enough to be heard over the increasing party chatter of the event. "Let her go."

My eyes danced over his face and for the first time I understood what August wanted. I understood what they all wanted. Three month of cuts and bruises didn't enlighten me. Three more months of August's intense tutelage didn't dawn the understanding that Devin had in three words.

Let her go. Let myself go. Stop trying to hang onto a person that only exists in my memories. The world had been rebirthed in the rapture. I needed to be reborn as well.