Corn, Cows, and the Apocalypse

Dumped

There's a short list of reasons to stay in an abusive relationship, one of which is love. It isn't a good reason, since it means you have to love the abuser more than yourself, but for most people, love is an outwardly drawn emotion, and not an inwardly exuded one. In essence, most people are accustomed to getting their self-esteem from the people around them, rather than from themselves.

The second reason to stay in an abusive relationship is fear. Not so much the fear of the abuse, cause let's face it, at some point that just becomes standard protocol, but the fear that stems from the idea of starting a new life. No one wants to start from scratch, certainly not alone.

When August told me that she would potentially leave me again, it was more than a knife in my back this time. It was a knife in my front. She was trying to be honest about what she needed from me. The problem was, she wasn't concerned with what I needed from her. Which was, simply put, to quit leaving me.

Despite the offer of scrunching in the warm cab, I chose to ride back in the truck bed with my coat and a blanket. It was colder than crap, but I wanted time to think. It shouldn't have even been a question. I should have been willing to be anything for August in order to stay with her, but I was starting to wonder if it was all worth it.

It was true I could defend myself now, and I could appreciate that, but apparently that wasn't good enough. Now August was asking me to do something I hadn't even imagined was possible. She wanted me to be the hero.

This wasn't the same old story about a scrawny teenager that gets superpowers and learns to be a hero. This wasn't even the story about the begrudged rich kid with enough money to exact revenge through super expensive techno gadgets. I was just me: born, bred, and fed yokel. I didn't have any ambition before the apocalypse. Why would that change after? It wasn't my self-doubt and fear that kept me from embracing this new identity. Bottom line, I just didn't want to be the hero.

I was happy as a sidekick. More to the point, I was happy as the third sidekick. It was a cushy job with lots of perks. I wasn't sure I wanted things to change.

My mind was made up before we got home. I intended to move on without my friends. I could defend myself well enough not to fear the world anymore. I still had Priest as my friend, so I wouldn't be totally lonely, even if he was going to be drunk and high every time I saw him.

Without fear holding me to August, the only thing keeping me with her was love, but she had already broken my heart once. I wouldn't let her do it again. Call me crazy, but I thought leaving them would be easier than them leaving me.

With my decision in hand, the truck rolled into the driveway and stopped. I unfurled myself from my blanket as the others unloaded from the cab. Devin and August both shuffled out the driver's side. I was about to call attention to my decision when I noticed they were both looking at something in the distance. I followed their gaze and I saw it.

Fire.