Corn, Cows, and the Apocalypse

Sumo Training

"I don't understand why we're still doing this," I said as I slipped in a mouth guard. We were all outside the house in the front yard. Haden was openly tanning her slender legs on a blanket, while August was sitting in a plastic lawn chair just outside of the spray-painted circle that Devin and I were standing in.

Devin had slipped his shirt off to get a little sun as well. I would have preferred if it was for my benefit, but he hadn't removed it until Haden had joined us. Yet another reminder of why I had said "no" to him several nights before. Why would I intentionally hurt myself?

"You need to get stronger. You need to learn to defend yourself," August chastised me with her motherly tone.

"Why? I have you," I insisted through my mouth guard.

"I won't always be there to save you." August adjusted the brim of her floppy beach hat. She wasn't as interested in the sun as the others were. Her mulatto skin may not have been as fair as mine, but she still tended to burn rather than tan.

"Sure you will," I slurred over my appliance before smiling at her. She smiled back warmly before motioning for Devin to attack.

Devin dove into me. I did my best to stay in the circle, but he pushed me out right away. "Come on, Lenore. Aren't you even going to try?" Devin asked, disappointed.

"You weigh more than me. How am I supposed to stop you?"

"Don't stop him," Haden chimed in without looking over at us. "Just evade him." She sounded annoyed even though she was apparently trying to help.

"The point is to try," August said. "Don't just give up when he starts pushing. Dig your feet in. Kick him. Punch him. Think of a child being kidnapped by a man. What should that child do to save himself?"

I slipped out my slobber-covered blue plastic, a less than attractive moment for me. "It won't matter; he's stronger than me." August sighed before getting up and walking away. I looked to Devin for an explanation. "What does she want from me? I can't fight you."

"Yes, you can. You may not be able to win, but you can certainly fight. That's all she wants: just put up a good fight. The worst thing you can do is just stand there and let yourself die."

I looked between August and him. They didn't understand me. My instincts said to run and hide. She was trying to make me a predator, but I was always going to be the prey. "I'm sorry, Devin. I can shoot an arrow, that's it. One misplaced checkmark for an archery class at summer camp. It doesn't make me a hunter and it certainly doesn't make me a warrior."

"Okay," Devin said, grinning at me mischievously.

"What?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"Defend yourself against this." Devin dove at me with tickling fingers. I squealed pathetically and squirmed from his grasp. I wasn't sure this was the type of defensive move August had in mind, but for the moment we seemed to be doing better than arguing.

I tried to get around behind him, but he grabbed me from behind and tickled my stomach. He had a knack for finding the most sensitive areas. I laughed until I coughed, but he didn't stop. Eventually I managed to trip him, but that only left him half on top of me, pinching the back of my thigh just under my butt. I screamed and laughed, trying to buck him off.

"There you go." He laughed at me. "There is a little fight in you." I got my hand free and slapped his face, but as soon as I did it, I gasped and apologized. He pinched me harder. "Stop apologizing. I've been slapped harder than that before."

His hand shifted between my legs just under the hem of my shorts. I grabbed his hand to stop him from going any further. My laughter died, and he smirked at me. A question passed over his face, but he never asked it. He pinched my skin on my inner thigh, before withdrawing his attack.

He rolled off me and we both got back to our feet. Haden's attention had been drawn to the display, and she was already getting up to interrupt us if we didn't stop on our own. "Let me show you how it's done," she said, stepping into the circle and waving me off.

I stepped outside the line and stupidly expected to learn something from watching them. The only thing I learned was that Haden didn't want to share Devin with me. They danced around a bit before the pushing and shoving resulted in Devin landing on top of Haden.

The so-called sweet talk they shared, as they not so discreetly shifted to better match their bodies, was enough to make a sailor blush. It was more than enough to send me away.

August had wandered back to the house. I found her sitting on the stoop watching the action from a distance. She shook her head when I approached. "I'm sorry, August," I said. "I'm just not cut out to fight. I wish you wouldn't waste your time. I hate disappointing you over and over again."

She nodded over to the circle where Haden and Devin were openly making out. "Why do you let her walk all over you like that?"

"Cause she can kick my ass." I crossed my arms and kicked the cement step beside her.

"I can see you like Devin. There is no reason to deny yourself a little companionship." I nodded even though this conversation felt like a sex talk with my mother. "Devin is a good man. He will be respectful and discreet."

"Haden and him—"

"—are chaotic," she finished. "But that has nothing to do with you. Haden doesn't own Devin. Don't let her dictate your level of celibacy. If you won't fight to save your life, at least fight for the little pleasures in your life."

I grunted some kind of nonspecific response. "I would fight to save my life. I'm not completely suicidal. It's just hard to motivate myself to fight my friends. For real, I mean. I just can't bring myself to scratch out Devin's eyes, you know?"

August nodded thoughtfully at me. "I understand," she said distantly, as if a plot was forming in her mind. Knowing her it probably was. Since she was usually pretty creative, I was sure I wasn't going to like it.