[Part 1] Chat MD 1: Invisible Girl

Day 69.1

(STU's university page)

STU Stories
2 hrs ⊙▽

Dear Invisible Girl,

I ask admin Cha to post this today, Wednesday, 5:00 PM, while surely, I am on my way home to an empty house and a silent phone. Walang signal sa resthouse sa tabing-dagat kung nasaan si Dad and I don't want to go home to the emptiness.

Maghihintay pa sana ako ng 85th day para siguradong handa ka nang marinig (or in this case, mabasa) ang confession ko. Kaso... gaya ng alam mo, possessive ako. Clingy. Demanding. Impatient.

There's one thing I haven't told you aside from all those things: I'm also crazy when I fall in love. Hindi ko nasabi kasi hindi ko rin alam na tatamaan ako ng ganito katindi. Na nakakabaliw pala talagang manood sa malayo at magpigil araw-araw na lapitan ka. O hawakan ka. O kausapin ka. In less than sixty days, you tamed me really good. Naka-tattoo ka na sa obliques ko, morning alarm ko na ang good morning message mo, at kahit anong schoolwork, iniiwan ko pagpatak ng 9pm. Kahit sinasabi kong "don't let me bother you," lagi akong hoping na sasabihin mong wala ka nang gagawin para sakin ka na buong gabi hanggang good night. I tried my best not to sound too eager to ask for more of your voice messages na paulit-ulit kong pinapakinggan. I tried so hard not to be impatient pero hindi ko mapigilang biglang maghintay sa tapos ng lab hours mo at ihatid ka pauwi. I tried so hard not to tease you but I always failed. I tried so hard not to tell you I love you, but all those long, silent pauses in my voice messages, I was telling you over and over and over.

How did you do that? And why did you make me fall that deep just to suddenly leave?

I'm sure, there's a lot on your mind dahil worrier ka. Even though you bring the sun into mine, you yourself live in the shadow of doubts and insecurities.

I want to assure you about how real you are to me. Pero pano ko gagawin yun kung bigla ka na lang nawala?

I was in an accident that Saturday I asked to meet you. Nanghihinayang ako nun dahil nung araw na yun, sasabihin ko na sana sayong alam ko na kung sino ka. Para sana hindi ka na mahirapan at mamutla na magkusa sa pag-amin sakin. Like that day in freedom park.

Kaso, wala uli sa timing. Sablay uli. Tapos, nawala ka.

Alam mo ba kung gano kahirap ma-confine sa ospital habang ang gusto kong gawin ay mag-drive papunta sayo at tanungin ka kung bakit mo sinabing galit ka sakin? Alam mo ba kung gano kahirap umuwi sa dad ko at mag-asikaso ng lahat ng bagay habang nag-aalala ako kung bakit ka tahimik?

Kung hindi pa nakita nung trolls yung tats ko ng pangalan mo, hindi pa kami magkakaalaman kung bakit bigla mo lang akong iniwan. Hindi ko pa nasusuntok si AM dahil injured ako nung nasa ospital. Hindi ko pa rin nasusuntok si JT. Pero nasuntok na sila ni HL para sakin.

Tapos, pag-uwi ko sa bahay nina HL, nalaman kong alam mo ang nangyari sakin pero wala pa rin akong narinig mula sayo. Then I saw you at school, nakatambay kay matandang puno and you looked... normal. Habang ako? I was a mess. I missed you. I was going crazy. But it looked like you were fine.

It tore me apart.

Sabi mo, I'm setting you up. Sabi mo, I'm leading you on. Sabi mo rin, you remain invisible to me.

Mali yung conclusion mo, En.

I know who you are since that day I returned your handkerchief at the lab.

Yung panyong ibinigay mo sakin as your real self nung nasa likod kami ng simbahan ni Dad, it was perfumed. Gaya ng perfume sa neck pillow na ibinigay mo sakin later on. May burda rin ng initials yung panyo - JA. Manually embroidered. I could tell by the threads. Parehas ng embroidery ng MM sa set ng panyo na ibinigay mo sakin kasama ng medical kit.