Falling for him

{Chapter eighteen}

I know you're in a world of pain, but that pain will lessen. At the beginning you can't see that. You can only see your pain and you think it will never go away.
But the nature of pain is that it changes— it changes like a sunset. At first, it's this intense red-orange in the sky, and then it starts getting softer and soften. The texture of pain changes as you work through it. And then one day, you wake up and realize that life isn't just about working through your incest; it's about living, too.

- survivor of child sexual abuse
Ellen Bass, The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse.

• • •

I woke up to the sight of Nathan sat beside me, looking down at me with a small smile on his face. I smiled back then looked at the clock, it was just after eleven in the day.

"Good morning beautiful, how are you feeling?" He asked in his husky morning voice, as I stood up.

"Morning, I'm fine. I'm just going to go have a shower." I mumbled then walked out of my room and into the bathroom.

Once I arrived in the bathroom, I locked the door then stripped out of my clothes. I hated the sight of my body, when I looked in the mirror. I put my hair into a messy bun then got into the shower to scrub my body even more.

After showering, I walked back to my room. Nathan wasn't there, so I opened my closet and looked for some clothes. I grabbed some sweatpants  and a turtle neck sweater, before I could get dressed Nathan walked in and once again I felt self conscious with my bare neck and arms.

Nathan walked towards me and grabbed the turtle neck sweater and spoke "you don't have to wear this, you don't have to hide anything from me." He placed it back in my closet and pulled out a plain black top and handed it to me. "Wear this." He then walked out of my room again.

I shut the door then got dressed into the top he handed me and put on some grey trousers, then I brushed my long tangled hair and went downstairs.

"Thanks for everything." I smiled at Nathan who was sat in the kitchen drinking coffee.

"No need to thank me, Precious." Nathan smiled back. "Here have some coffee." He placed a cup of coffee in front of me.

I smiled at him as I sat down next to him and sipped the coffee. I noticed him looking at me. "Does it look really bad?" I asked pointing at my neck.

"No it doesn't, stop worrying about it." He put his arm around me.

• • •

Nathan and I spent the next few hours cuddling in the living room whilst watching movies on the tv. He was being really sweet to me, I felt for a while that he was only being like that because of yesterday's incident but he reassured me by talking about his feelings towards me.

"Precious?" Nathan waved his hand in my face.

"Sorry I was just lost in thoughts."

"It's okay. So what are we going to do?"

"Do you want to watch another movie?"

"No, I mean what are we going to do with us? I really like you and it seems as if you like me too."

"Oh, yeah but I would like to think things through before I make any decisions."

Nathan nodded "hmm okay, I understand that it's difficult."

"Yeah I-." I was interrupted as the door bell rang. "I can't open the door like this."

"I'll get the door, you can go grab a sweater or something." Nathan and I both stood up and walked to the hallway. I ran up the stairs and stood at the top, to see who was there whilst Nathan opened the door.