Sorry For the Sin

Chapter Eleven

Sorry this chapter feels kinda boring , I don't know if I like it. Let me know what you think ! - R

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Delia had patsy spent days passing each other in the halls of their shared house barley getting a chance to smile at each other never mind share a laugh, or a kiss. With their shifts never quite matching up when Patsy started at the London, they both felt lost. Neither one of them could protest the rumor was still on the forefront of most people in popular and Patsy had noticed the change, supposed friends that she now shared shifts with at the London. People she used to work with now passing her in the hallways making a very clear attempt to avoid eye contact. With no word from the mother house and nothing she could do Patsy jut gritted her teeth. She wanted to be a midwife again, slowly her and Delia we slipping back to being ghosts in each other's lives. Trixie smiled when Patsy got home, but it was breaking her seeing her friend in pain. Patsy had been so great when Trixie relived her secret, so very supportive yet Trixie didn't know how to repay the favor, she did what she could, she would have screamed Patsy's innocents from the roof of every building if she thought it would change just a single persons mind about what kind of person her best friend was but the truth as that people didn't want to believe Trixie because they had seen Patsy and Delia around but not thought anything off it, the florist didn't make the connection but when the connection was made for her – it made sense.

No one at Nonnatus House spoke to the rumor in fact they made a very bad attempt at avoiding any convocation where it may come up – Barbara never asked Patsy if they were true. In fact no one did. No one asked her if she was okay they just ignored it, Patsy slowly started shutting them out. She wasn't a midwife anyone she didn't want to hear the stories about the clinic that she wasn't allowed to step foot in or the events surrounding the church which she didn't want to attend. She knew that the whole of popular thought she was a sinner and she was but it didn't matter to her because she was in love and that to her was so much more important.

It was 2 weeks since Patsy had started on the ward- 2 weeks since she had spoken to Delia properly, since they had shared a bed, shared a kiss. Patsy had had enough. She didn't care about her job any more, she wasn't doing what she loved and she wasn't seeing the person she loved. She would rather not have a job but get to see Delia. She had got home from a late shift as Delia was leaving for a night shift. That's how their paths crossed, fast in the corridor.

The rain thudded against the window, it battered the roof like a hail of bullets, rain hammered down, covering the window like a wall of water, falling in brief and sudden showers. It hit the windows relentlessly all the same like the drumming of nails. Patsy stared aimlessly out of it, she didn't know what she was looking at but it didn't matter to her because she didn't care. She had no energy to join in with Trixie's and Barbara convocation about Tom or Trixie's surgeon friend. She didn't care about the up and coming dance and she didn't have the energy to pretend to care anymore.

"Patsy – I was thinking about buying a pair of slacks. Any advice?" Barbara asked trying to get Patsy out of her trance, trying to make her friend feel wanted again.

"Barbara quite frankly I think you're more than capable of picking out your own clothing" Patsy snapped. Using her last bit of energy to jump out of her bed and storm out her room. Grabbing her coat on the way out, she headed into the rain. Her emotional pain seeped out into her words, it hurt Trixie to hear them, to hear the hidden loneliness inside Patsy's voice. She knew that Patsy was holding on like a fighter, but she had been holding on for so long Trixie half expect Patsy to snap but she thought it would have been at one of the Sisters.

"Patsy" Sister Mary Cynthia said as Patsy rushed past her on the stairs, tears ran down her face but she didn't wipe them off. She knew where she was going and she was going to get a lot wetter than just a few stray tears.

Patsy had never felt so alone, so lost as when Delia had her accident. She was so incapable of doing even the smallest tasks. The Delia came back and it changed but what Patsy didn't relies was that the pain she felt when Delia had her accident was only the beginning of the pain, the silent suffering and the endless conga line of emotions that were in store for her.

Rain and tears mingled on her face, salty tracks blended into the fresh sky-fallen trickles. Only the pinkness on her eyes gave any clue to her sadness. The rain fell softly as if it knew of the hardships both behind Patsy and ahead of her. She grabbed a bike out of the hut, it was too dark to tell whose it was but she didn't care, she just needed to from A to B, she would have taken Nurse Cranes car if she knew where she kept the keys. As she cycled each droplet of rain alighted on her skin with just enough coolness to command her mind to the present, palling her away from past memories and the uncertainty of what as to come.

She was so completely wet and numb that she didn't feel the splash of rain on her legs as she cycled through the already formed puddles. The streets passed in a frigid blur. Only a year ago doing what she was about to do would have scared her senseless but now she felt drawn to it, it was the only thing she could do. She didn't have a purpose in life anymore. She didn't have anything to lose. She had promised Delia all those months ago that they wouldn't live as they were and she needed to keep that promise. As she continued on her cycle ride the rain came in waves, scattering across the pavement like a tipped over bucket of pain. She turned round countless time checking that any of her friends didn't follow. The water streamed through her hair, down her neck, soaking her clothes. The wind cut through her like a knife but she couldn't care. She was finally doing something for love and not for life.

She parked her bike outside the still busy London hospital, and stood there for a moment under the gray, gloomy darkness of the sky. She saw Delia's shadow in a window, her body was frozen but she knew what she had to do, grabbing a nearby pebble she through it against the window and another and another until her welsh girl opened the rusty old window as if about to yell but she saw patsy sobbing wet, but smiling. She didn't say a word but ran out the room and before she knew it she was holding Patsy's wet body against her.

The rain ran down their faces to where their lips finally met, each tasting the cold drop. They knew it was wrong but they didn't care, Patsy wanted Delia back.

"I won't live like this anymore" Patsy said breaking her lips from Delia's

The street outside the London was deserted apart from the couple locked in a kiss, their faces dipped with the wintry gift from the clouds. Patsy holds her hands gently to her hair as Delia rested her hands on Patsy black coat, it was sodden through and cold but Delia didn't care. Patsy smiled for the first time in weeks.

"I love you Patsy Mount" Delia said smiling back

"I love you too" Patsy replied. For a moment they had forgotten where they were. They had forgotten all the risks either that or they didn't care.

"I'm calling in sick tomorrow" Patsy said looking Delia in the eyes, her voice sounded happy yet almost scared

"You, me and whatever film you desire to see" She continued

"Now that's an offer I can't refuse" Delia said. There moment was cut short by a sharp voice from inside the hospital

"Nurse Busby – if you have fallen asleep there is going to be trouble" The voice yelled from inside.

"I had better go – bye Patsy" Delia said, slowly releasing Patsy's hand as she fled back into the hospital.

Patsy stood there , just watching Delia walk back into the hospital. She was tired now but felt somewhat better. She didn't feel so lost anymore. She knew where she belonged ... With Delia.