Sorry For the Sin

Chapter Thirteen

I feel like this chapter is long - yet nothing much really happens.

Feel like this story is dragging a bit, I have got a clear story line planned i'm just not sure how to go about it  - R

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Sister Mary Cynthia was confused, she loved God and his words were the ones he lived by but this wasn't just a random stranger this was her friend.

Trixie left the sister in the kitchen, she couldn't change the sister's mind on right and wrong and she wasn't going to waste her breath trying. She wanted to congratulate Patsy on her most surprising answer to a question that was easily explainable – she knew that Patsy had most likely just made the biggest mistake my telling sister Mary Cynthia but she was too proud of her friend and her actions to care.

"Patsy Mount – I didn't think you had it in you" Trixie aid entering the room she shared with Patsy.

"Neither did I" Patsy replied, giving a nervous smile. Her voice was as happy with Trixie's and spoke with more concern. She didn't turn to look at Trixie for a fear she would break down in tears, instead she just stood and stared at her wet hair in the mirror.

"Delia's going to kill me" Patsy said, turning to face Trixie. Trixie was still smiling but could see Patsy's concern. She wanted to relate to Patsy and she was trying. But she couldn't. She had no idea what Patsy was going through, she knew the risks everyone did. Being a dyke if you were a man was life threating and while Patsy and Delia's relationship wasn't a criminal offence it still wasn't acceptable. They were risking everything for love and that's why Trixie cared too much.

"I'm sure she won't kill you" Trixie said. They both let out another nervous laugh.

"For future reference" Trixie continues "If you're going to meet her for a quick kissing session at least try and colour code your lipsticks" Trixie said. That was the reason Patsy loved Trixie. She knew the seriousness of the situation yet, she was making Patsy feel safe, like she had done nothing wrong.

Patsy smiled again. Patsy had spent the last number of days living in fear and she was sick of it. She knew that losing her job was inevitable so she may as well enjoy the last moments she has left.

They both went to bed, nothing more was said about the events of night and it was probably for the best, Patsy was full of fear and Trixie was just as scared she didn't want to lose Patsy. But she didn't know what she could do? She was helpless and trying to help would only prove Patsy's guilt. She didn't want to tell everyone that the rumors were true but nothing was going to get better if everyone just denied the existence of loving people of the same gender.

They both lay in their beds, neither sleeping, neither smoking, neither moving. Neither had anything to say- that's a lie, they both had lots to say but didn't want to dwell on the events that were messing up Patsy's life and messing up Patsy's heart.

The clock struck 5am and Delia face fell faster than vomit. 11 hours of smiling and she wanted to kill something. She missed Patsy and the night on the ward had only got slower after their little meeting. She just wanted to go home, as soon as the clock struck 5 she walked out the big doors of the London and started the walk home. She never got back on a back. She didn't want too and the fear that would cross Patsy's face when Delia got anywhere near a bike was enough to put Delia off. She knew how much her accident and she didn't want to put Patsy through that again. She didn't want to put herself through that again. She was tired but excited for the cinema with Patsy, she had to pretend that nothing was happening though – she knew people would quickly work out that Patsy mount the girl who has never had a day off sick in her life wasn't really sick but she didn't care providing they could get to the pictures before anyone clocked on, it wouldn't matter. Patsy hated working on the AandE ward so the fear of getting fired didn't seem to bother her like it would have if it was midwifery.

In the 7 hours Patsy had been in bed she had woken up over 12 times. Not for that long each time, but enough to break up her sleep into chunks, enough time for her to think things she didn't want to think. With every disturbance there was a new nightmare. She lost Delia, she lost her job. The house was burning and she can't dowse it. The fear that kept her awake was the same fear that made her want to sleep and never wake up. The only think that could save her from the demons of her tomorrow was sleep.

When Delia finally got home, the first signs of life were up at the house, with the Nuns starting to rise. She felt like she had been away a life time not a night. She avoided the kitchen in case she bumped into and instead headed straight for her room. She wanted to see Patsy but didn't just want to storm into her room, she didn't know what to do with herself. He felt lost, yet found. The feelings unsettled her. She was unawake of Patsy's remark to the sister yesterday, so as far as she was aware no one knew the events of the London in the rain.

Patsy knew that she had promised Delia a day off and she was going to stick to her word, she just wasn't sure how. She lay in bed pretending to be asleep while Trixie left the room to get started on her rounds. When she heard the hustle of everyone leaving, she headed down stairs still in her nightwear. She headed to the phone to call the London, she didn't care if they didn't believe her. She knew that she wouldn't be putting uniform on and going into work today.

She dialed the number, trying not to shake. Patsy had never been one to break the rules. Not like this anyway but she knew what she had to do.

"Hello is Patsy Mount – I am just calling in as I am under the weather today so won't be in today" She didn't sound ill but she didn't care. She knew she was meant to have a doctor's note but there was nothing anyone could do.

"Well thank you for letting us know Miss Mount" The women on the other end of the phone said.

As Patsy walked back up the stairs, to make use of the empty bathroom, she saw Sister Mary Cynthia leaving Sister Juliennes office. Patsy's heart started beating faster and faster, she walked faster. She through they were all meant to be out? What had she done? Trying to shake it off. She carried on with her plans for the morning. Sister Julienne would just assume it was Delia in the Bathroom as Patsy was at work. That's what Patsy was hoping, she needed that hope to get her through.

Patsy would never admit her fear. She was in a situation that others would find terrifying yet she was carrying herself as if nothing was wrong. Not a man in a thousand could spot her never ending tension.