Sorry For the Sin

Chapter 10

Patsy didn't understand how much this rumor would change he life, she didn't know what she was going to do but all those months ago she promised Delia they wouldn't live as they were – she wanted to keep that promise she just didn't know how , how does he change the world. How does on midwife scream at the top of her lungs that she's in love with another women. While sitting watching the TV, it clicked – she didn't that she didn't care that she was a dyke anymore, because she was in love, with a beautiful welsh women, why did no one understand? She had always been so hidden, Delia was the confident one, and she came up with all the ideas because Patsy lived in fear. She was always going to live in fear but she didn't want to be scared of hugging her girlfriend in public or flinching when Delia gives her a friendly pat on the back around the table. No-one noticed but yet patsy felt like it as wrong. She hated herself for what she was, yet she didn't hate the fact she was in love. Patsy had been through so much in her still short life, and being in love with Delia wasn't the easiest option but she couldn't imagine anything else.

"Such Beauty masked by such sadness" Sister Monica Joan said causing Patsy to break out of her day dream. She looked in shock at the sisters puzzled facial expression, Pasty wasn't crying in fact she looked the most content she had done in days

"Sister?" Patsy questioned

"I cannot bring myself to remain in the presence of such betrayal. You are in love. You must fight" Sister Monica Joan blurted out over the top of the TV– Patsy was sure everyone in the house would have heard her comment. She didn't say anything more on the subject and Patsy didn't comment back- if anyone was listening in the she didn't want them to hear. She smiled at the strange support she had of the old sister. It meant a lot to her.

"Now I smell fresh cake" Sister Monica Joan said getting up from the sofa and going to the kitchen. Patsy just sat there a little over whelmed with the previous convocation and slightly disappointed that she didn't have the courage to reply. She didn't have the guts to thank the sister for her support. Oh, she wished she had.

...

Delia's day was dragging she could feel the eyes of everyone on her, the hospital corridors felt stuffier than normal , she was walking through the same corridors as she had been doing for many years, yet she felt different. She felt trapped yet freer at the same time. The uniform felt tighter on today and she felt like she stuck out like a bad apple, even though she looked identical as the day before. Delia finally say down, for her lunch it was the first time in four hour she'd had a moment to sit. The morning had been a blur of taking vitals, making beds, wheeling people around and administering medications. Officially this was her lunch time, she had handed over to another nurse but she didn't want to go into the lunch room with all the others – she didn't want to face them. She had heard the rumors floating around the corridor, no one had said anything to her but she had heard them talking. Her smile was falsely painted on.

She sat outside the hospital, staring at the gray emotionless sky, she was tired but not just from lack of sleep – she was emotionally tired, she was tired of keeping up an act. She didn't want to lie anymore but her life without the lie would mean a life without Patsy and she couldn't do that too herself.

"Delia, what heavens are you doing sat outside in the cold?" Trixie asked, stopping on her bike suddenly – letting the breaks make that horrible squeaking sound she had been complaining to Fred about

"I don't know where else to go" Delia responded, trying to stop the tears that were rolling down her face "I hear them talking about me like I'm some sort of animal – I can't face the during my lunch" Her welsh accent shook as she spoke. She had been so strong for Patsy but she was cracking under it all. Trixie got off her bike and placed herself by Delia's side

"It's going to be okay, you know" Trixie said with the upmost confidence "You haven't done anything wrong apart from fall in love – I am ashamed how long it took me to release such a thing"

Delia smiled – she knew how long it had taken Trixie to be okay with it all – how long it took Trixie to understand that Patsy and herself were just in love nothing strange or wrong about it.

"I feel like it's all I am hearing about around the ward is my own personal private life, and half of it isn't even true" Delia said, the tears were starting to dry, while she hadn't completely stopped crying the cold wind that surrounded her whisked away her tears.

"It will okay, just pretend it doesn't bother you and the world will move on" Trixie said before standing back up. "Now I have got to get back to the clinic I only came out because a mother had left a child at the clinic" She smiled a little, it wasn't a happy smile but it was convincing all the same