Sorry For the Sin

Chapter Twenty - Three THE END

This is the final chapter. i felt like the last chapter didn't give much closer so i wrote this short ending which may help bring people a solid ending even if its not what you hoped for. Thanks for reading. Please leave feed back :) - R

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Neither of them could pinpoint how it ended. Neither of them wanted too, but things change, people have to grow and sometimes they grow together and sometimes they grow apart. At least that's what Patsy had to say to avoid picking up the phone on lonely evenings. She didn't know what to say even if she did. Things had changed, it was that simple yet that complex all at once.

Patsy avoided talking to Trixie incase Delia's name came up, and she knew she wouldn't be able to contain her emotion while Delia, on the other hand, asked of Patsy regularly to remind her that the person she loved was alive and well and that was the most important thing. They were both alive and well. Delia convinced herself that counted for a lot. Oh, how she wished it did. She wished that love was enough to pull them through, but they both knew they needed more. They needed that apartment. They needed to be together. Writing letters wasn't the same thing so slowly but surely the letters stopped appearing. Phone calls were never easy, and only ever gave the girls a few moments to talk and even then they weren't very private.

All Delia was was sadness, she hadn't had to feel like this before. Last time they were separated Delia couldn't really remember it, Patsy had got used to the pain so just gritted her teeth and made small talk with the people around her. To come so close to pure love and lose it so violently is something no medication can heal, no matter how much the girls tried. They were not the same without each other, but they couldn't be with each other. One of them would have to give up their life so they other could live slightly more happily. Love isn't strong enough to change society not in 1962 at least.

Neither of the girls knew the future, neither of them knew that if they just gritted their teeth for a few more years it would all start to change. They didn't know that. All they knew was that what they had was gone now. It was broken, no one was sure how and no one could really pinpoint why but they both felt it. They were both broken apart even though neither one of them had said the words 'goodbye' they were always on the tip of their tongues.

Patsy knew what her greatest mistake was she had attempted to write it to Delia time and time again but every letter was incomplete, every letter couldn't be sent. Because every one of those letters would give Delia hope and Patsy couldn't do that.Patsy couldn't give the welsh hope of a better future because she didn't know it.

Deels,

The greatest mistake I have ever made was thinking that work ever really mattered. That it was the most important thing in my life. I had six precious years with you, and we have managed to spend most of them passing each other in corridors and sharing the secret night together. Now I am nothing but a shell and bereft of a love I stupidly took for granted. My heart isn't merely broken, without you it's a shadow of my being. ..

She could never finish, so it would never get sent. Because Patsy couldn't give up her job, it was the only solid thing in her life. And she knew that there love meant if they got another flat together Delia would lose her job too, then they would both be shells of their own beings. They wouldn't be the person the other fell in love with. They would be ghosts. At least now they were living even if it was apart. Now, they were human beings. They could go out in different towns and plaster smiles across their faces with their friends, and no one would ask questions.

So that's what they had to do, slowly but surely Patsy stopped phoning hoping to hear her lover's voice and their letters became more infrequent and less personal. Slowly but surely they ended, their happiness faded as did their relationship.

No one predicted it, yet it happened. Neither of the girls ever wanted their life this was, but neither of the girls ever thought they would marry a man, growing up no girl wants to imagine they will have a lover they have to sneak around with. Yet they did, they fell in love. Trixie silently hoped that her 2 best friends would beat the odds. They didn't, they just became another secret pushed under the sand. Patsy became someone that slowly but steadily wasn't asked about. Her ginger hair was no longer expected at the clinics or around the fish and chips shops. The Cubs stopped asking Delia when Patsy was returning. They just moved on even when Delia couldn't she just smiled. She smiled for Patsy because what they had was real and extraordinary but she knew all good things would come to an end. Even if this thing was more than good. It was bloody brilliant.