If I Dont Have You

chapter 12

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Taraji scooted her chair closer to his side and reached for his hand, clasping her fingers around his.

"Wake up baby," she urged softly, "please."

Still no response. He was motionless.

Her throat went dry, a hollow feeling festering in the pit of her stomach.

She wanted to curl up next him, bury her face in his neck and pretend that everything was okay.

But she couldn't, everything was not okay.

He was hurt and so was she.

She hated seeing him so fragile, so vulnerable.

It was like someone had torn her heart from her chest and ripped it to shreds so slowly – as if to taunt her.

The doctors said it would still be a while before he woke up, before the drugs wore off, but she couldn't wait any longer.

She wanted him to wake up and smile at her, promising her that everything would be okay, that he would be okay.

"Baby," she whispered again, "please," she kissed the back of his hand and held it against her cheek.

She closed her eyes and sighed, resting her forehead against the cool metal of the hospital bed, her hand never leaving his.

She clenched her jaw in annoyance as she heard footsteps slowly come into the room; she hoped it was just a nurse doing another checkup; she couldn't deal with just anyone right now.

She felt a familiar hand on her back, before the sweet, familiar scent the registered.

She sat up slowly, "Mommy, what are doing here?" She asked, "I thought everyone left?"

Her mother smiled and shook her head as she sat down.

"I was just coming to say goodbye before I left, you okay?"She asked as she wrapped her arm around her daughters' shoulders.

Taraji snuggled up against her mother, resting her head on her chest as she had many times before.

"I will be," she murmured, rolling her eyes, "as soon as he wakes up."

Her mother smiled and kissed her forehead, "he'll wake up baby, you just have to be patient and trust God knows what he's doing."

Taraji shrugged, sticking her thumb in her mouth. She closed her eyes allowing the familiarity and warmth of her mother to envelop her.

"I love him." She murmured.

Her mother nodded, "I know baby," she smiled.

Taraji sat up and frowned, "how?" She asked, surprised.

"I aint even know." She pouted, her eyebrows creased.

Her mother laughed softly, "Baby girl, I knew the day I called you and you ran my bill way up talking about that man and how amazing he makes you feel, and then seeing you two together, the way he looks at you." She smiled as she moved Tarajis hair away from the bandage on her forehead.

Taraji smiled weakly and shook her head, "mommy, I can't lose him." She mumbled, blinking back her tears.

She hated crying, it made her eyes red and puffy, and her nose all stuffy.

It made her feel vulnerable.

Her mother nodded, "I know baby, you won't. Okay? "

Taraji shrugged, closed her eyes and sighed.

"Anyway, I gotta go baby, I'll see you soon. You call me if there's anything you need, okay? " her mother smiled.

Taraji nodded and stood up allowing her mother to do the same.

She hugged her mother, allowing herself to forget everything in the few seconds she spent tucked in the safety of her mother's arms.

"Get some rest."

Taraji smiled weakly, "I will."

"I love you." Her mother smiled, kissing her forehead.

"I love you too."