The exchange

not okay

“Oh honey are you okay? It looks like you’ve been crying.” Rose asked me pulling me in to arms distance. I giggle, “I’m fine it’s just the book I was reading on the plane, a bad choice to read in public.”  There is a small awkward silence until Stephen breaks it “so should we go get your bags?” People were beginning to crowd around the conveyor belt and bags slowly make their way round, “Oh there it is!” I point to the bright blue bag and start walking towards it.

now with my bags we were on our way, I don’t know why but Jessica and I hadn’t really said much to each other,  there was a kind of awkward space between us. We pull up at a small white house after a short ride in the car full of small chat about the flight and what my mum had to say today. “Jess why don’t you take Luchia up to her room?” Rose asked. “I will just get my bags” I signalled to the car and smiled at jessica who smiled back. “No no! I will get them and bring them up Luchia” Stephen smiled “Oh thanks, call me Lucy it’s a whole lot easier” I smiled and walked inside with Jessica. She started showing me around the house and we went upstairs where her bedroom was and opposite that mine.

I know that I wasn’t all that close with Jessica but something didn’t seem quite right, she didn’t smile unless we made eye contact and even then is was a kind of half-hearted smile. “Jessica? are you okay?” she looked up and kept eye contact, she looked close to tears and her eyes were screaming out for help, she was just about to speak when her dad started making a heap of banging at the top of the stair and then joining us in, I guess, my bedroom. “You like it?” He smiled and Jessica gave me one last look and turned around with a grin on her face. “Oh yes! Thank you so much” I smiled. “Well I’m going back downstairs to help Rose with dinner so you two do whatever teenage girls do and I will call out when it's done” and he headed out the door, back downstairs.

“what were you going to say before?” I asked and unzipped my bag glancing up at Jessica awaiting her reply, she just stood still facing away. “Jessica?” I was rather worried, I walk up behind her. I see her make a silent deep breath and she turns around “Just that you can call me Jess” she forced a smile. I walk back over to my biggest bag and unzip it, letting the duvet and pillows spill out. “I’ll help you unpack if you want, I feel like I should do something to help saying the lack of conversation I have been contributing.” Jessica walked over and took my blankets and started making my bed. “Thanks and really Jessica if there is anything that is wrong you can tell me.” I smiled, she glanced up and her sad eyes met mine. “No problem really, and really I’m fine.” we continued unpacking my stuff. “Girls, dinner!” Rose’s friendly voice called out, with an empty bag and an empty stomach it couldn’t of come at a better time.

After dinner Jessica and I cleaned up and sat down on the couch in the living room, it felt nice, it was a kind of warm feeling that I wasn’t used to but I’m still considerably worried about Jessica, she didn’t seem to be really watch the tv, she wasn’t laughing at the right times. “Hey, I’m really sorry and I know it’s rather early but I might go get some sleep because I am super tired.” I said as the tv show reached an ad break. “Of course darling that is absolutely fine! See you in the morning ae, sleep well.” Rose said and off I went up stairs, I got changed and checked the time, 9pm. 8 am back at home, it feels like I have not slept in forever! I get changed and get into bed, as soon as my head hit the pillow I was sent into a peaceful sleep. I awoke not too long after because even though I was shattered the times made me feel like I really should not be asleep.

I lie there awake and I slowly become more aware of the surroundings, I check my phone and look at the time, 12am, I can hear faint sobbing, it was jessica, I knew she wasn’t really okay.

I sit up and look around for my laptop, Stephen had earlier set up WIFI on it and I opened up facebook.

“Jessica? are you okay?” I hear the faint pop sound and tapping on the keys of her laptop. “I don’t think so.” she replies shortly after, “come in here?” I hear the pop of her facebook once again and then movements. I sit up and turn on my lamp, Jessica comes into my room, her face red and blotchy.  she’s carrying her pillow and I notice her shorts have traces of blood seeping through. “Luce?” she sniffs and tears begin to roll down her face again. “Jessica, come here.” she walks toward me and sits under the covers with me. “I-I-I’m not okay” she forced out between sobs. “Jessica, listen to me” I took her hand and looked up into her eyes. “It’ll be okay. So right now I want you to get some sleep. that’s what you need.” she nodded and lied back onto her pillow, she took my hand and pulled it close. “thank you” she whispered and fell asleep.