The exchange

Pay Attention

I couldn’t just tell her though, what was I going to tell her? that I totally fucked up my life because of one friend? that I only just got my life back on track? that ever since I went out and drank to much I felt like demons were inside me, causing me physical pain? I couldn’t tell her. I trust Jessie but there was no possible way that I could put into words what I’ve been going through the past year and a bit. I was just shaking, like I was cold but I wasn’t I just shook and I couldn’t stop, this was the third time this has  happened but the first someone knew it was happening. “Lu, babe. You okay? You don’t have to tell me. Why are you shaking?” Worry was evident on her face. “J-Je-Jessie I’m-m Fine.” I smiled, my whole body continued to shake like I was shivering. “You’re not fine, should I go get mum?” She looked so confused. “Jessie, I’m fine, I swear. This has happened before me I just need to rest my head and it will stop. Okay?” I said gritting my teeth to calm the shaking. “Alright.” She simply said before moving down my bed to lie down, I copy her actions. I keep my jaw locked to stop my shaking the best I could but as I drifted off to sleep I would slip back into my original state and every time I would Jessie would grip my arm a little bit tighter. After about 30 minutes Iet my mind rest and slept. 

“Sup Holly, Claire!” Jessie and I walked in the gate, two weeks had passed since I broke down in tears and I’ve avoided the whole situation which I could tell annoyed Jessie, but she didn’t have the nerve to bring it up. “Good morning Jess and our lil’ foreigner” Holly said linking arms with Jessie and I as we walked towards the tree that we normally stand around before classes. I had started to get on with Holly and Claire rather well, being in some classes with them really helped also but Kirstie on the other hand I barely saw not even at lunch, she was a strange girl. Just as we all started talking about what we had gotten up to over the weekend the bell went so Jessie and I headed over to music. I had learnt how to play the guitar quite well which excited me, I’d always been a fast learner as long as I had someone teaching me. “Alright Jess, Luchia you go off in to booth one to practice your song alright, I want this project done by the end of the week” Our teacher said, I had gotten out of doing a performance this far but I knew that I needed to get this done and it was working with Jessie. “Okay, what are you wanting to do for this?” Jessie asked walking in the small room and sitting on the chair in the corner. “I have an idea but I don’t think you will know the song.” I said picking up the guitar off the wall. “Try me?”Jessie said smiling, she wasn’t going to know the song. I giggled and started playing the chorus, singing along aswell

“Screen falling off the door door hanging off the hinges

My feet are still sore my back is on the fringes

We were up against the wall on the west mezzanine

We rattle this town we rattle this scene

O, Anna Sun!

O, Anna Sun!”(A/N the song is down the side thinggy there if you want to hear it, I think it's a cool song)

I finished looking up at Jessie. “so you know it?” I said confused why she hadn’t said anything. “Ahh no but why didn’t you tell me your voice was so, well, pretty?” I just shook my head reached into my bag and gave Jessie the lyrics. We spent the rest of the period practicing the song. I knew by the end of the week this was going to sound nice.

The day dragged on as any school day would, I don’t know why I thought it would be any different than back home, I was in this mindset before I came over here that we would become ‘bffs’; Jessie and I and we could always be out, walking the streets telling secrets. I realise now, there are no secrets to be told and no streets to be walked on well just not like in my mind,don’t get me wrong Jessie and I are good friends it would just suck saying I was living with her but it’s just she has her best friends, and so do I well I thought I did; I hadn’t heard from any of the girls back home not a single one had talked to me, answered my calls or facebook messages, they’ve all just ignored me. “Luchia? Can you please tell me the answer?” Shit I wasn’t listening, the science teacher stood at the front of the room looking rather un-happy. “That’s the third time this week you’ve been off daydreamin’ miss, outside I will talk to you in a minute.” This is  what the second time this year I’ve been sent out of class for not listening,firstly at home and now here, not good. I got up and walked out, keeping my head down trying to avoid everyones judgmental looks. I got outside and was still thinking about everyone back home,I’d been calling mum every other night on skype and constantly massaging my brother whom was oh so obviously missing me but not a single one of the girls have messaged me, they were clearly never my friends because I know if some I knew had gone overseas I would've messaged them at least once in two months. I leaned up against the wall while waiting for the teacher to come out. I could hear the familiar echo in my head,no-one cares, see lucy no-one cares I kept repeating it over and over in my head. I’m happy I didn’t tell Jessie about the stupid slip up that happened because the repetitive voice was right, she wouldn’t care.

“Luchia.” Miss said, I didn’t hear her come out of the classroom, I had my head between my legs silently sobbing. She sounded mad still, I get why I’ve been out of it all week. I tilt my head up, “I’m sorry Miss, I should be listening in class.” I stood up and continued leaning on the wall with my head down. “Lucy? Are you okay?” Her frown instantly dropped and her voice softened. “I’m fine Miss,can I just go to the bathroom?” I asked, still keeping my head down. “Sure.” She said and walked back into the class. I left the short hall to outside where I could see inside the classroom, I kept my head down and didn’t look up till I reached the back where I looked inside and made eye contact with Holly to show here that I wasn’t in trouble I could see her eyes were full of work but I kept walking to the bathrooms. I washed off the running mascara under my eyes and fixed myself up, just as I go  to walk out a much taller, stronger looking girl walked in and shoved me against the wall. “What’s the matter dyke? You’re girlfriend dump ya’?” Her heavy accent boomed loud enough to frighten me but not loud enough for any classes to hear her. I was shocked and confused, girlfriend? what? “Oi, respond when I ask you a question.” She was holding me up on the wall and then pushed me to the floor. I didn’t know what to say.