The Incredible League of Goth Pizza Haters (RH)

Part 5

--Sylvia--

"I don't think I can do this anymore." Abby told me, sipping her coffee. She looked tired. No, she looked exhausted. I remembered my high school days pretty well, and I'd felt pretty similar. She ran a hand through her hair and I saw tears in her eyes.

"I know it sucks now, but it's gonna help you a lot later on. You just have to get through this one step at a time, you can't walk a mile in one stride... Unless you're like, 20 feet tall." I said, trying to use a dumb joke to make her smile. She did, but it was a teary broken smile and my heart hurt for her. She was my little sister, and if I could've taken all her sadness and pain and feel it for her I would. But that's not how it works. "It'll get better" I continued, "After you graduate."

Was that true, though? It didn't necessarily go that way for me. How could I promise her something I couldn't guarantee? 

"Yeah...," she said and sipped her coffee again.

"Are you eating okay?" I asked. She'd lost a lot of weight since I last saw her.

"If ramen and microwave pizza are good, then yeah." she looked at me and her eyes were clearing, "You weren't exactly eating five-star meals while writing fifty essays either, were you?"

"Nah. How about parties? Have you been doing anything illegal?"

"It's funny that you think I have the confidence or looks to attend an actual party."

"You do." I said, and I meant it. Abby was beautiful. She had that jet black hair to match her eyes and soft olive skin. She had the most beautiful smile that she shared with her sister and a laugh that was contagious and wonderful.

I wished she would realize that.

***

We loaded everything back into the buses and are out on the road again. I'd said a teary goodbye to my sisters and an even more teary goodbye to my cats and then we were off to Maryland.

That night Ian got a call and decided we should stop by a big house party his friend was having before meeting with the other bands the following morning. Cody said that he would stay sober so he could drive without being hungover. Ian dragged Mark, Meg and me into the house with him.

Right upon entry you could hear the music. The kitchen was being used as a bar loaded with young people hanging about, drinking, smoking. In the next room over the furniture had been moved out so people could dance. There were strobe lights and just walking through it felt weird and exciting and dangerous, the speakers vibrating even the walls. I couldn't imagine how it must feel when intoxicated. The floor contained mostly people doing awkwardly intimate dances though some just stumbled around with their hands in the air having the time of their lives. I awkwardly shuffled through them, trying to avoid being grabbed or aggressively danced on. A guy with dark hair walked up to me and offered a drink. I declined because I never drink something someone directly offers me, especially if it's a stranger. He stared after me for a few moments and I thought it was kind of creepy.

After wandering through the house for a bit, just to get a layout of the land, I drank. At first it was just for a bit off a buzz. Then I remembered the situation with my brother and the situation with my sister and even though their problems weren't my own and I shouldn't feel horrible for them, I began drinking to forget everything.

I don't know how much I drank or what happened exactly but I remember being in the strobe lights for a while. Even as people left the room or passed out drunk, I was still there. Enjoying the strobe lights. After a while I remember feeling intensely nauseous and decided party time was over and it was time to go back to the bus. And then that dark haired boy from earlier came up and offered me a drink. Even in my drunken state I said no, that I was done and I wanted to leave.

He insisted I drink it. I insisted I didn't. I tried to leave and he grabbed my arm and thrust me back. He insisted I take the drink. I looked around for help but no one I knew was there, and the few who were were so buzzed out of their minds I doubted they could walk.

His grip tightened on my arm. I gave in. 

All I remember is strobe lights.