The Incredible League of Goth Pizza Haters (RH)

Part 16

---Sylvia--

Cody walked me off the stage, speaking in an urgent whisper that I didn't understand. People were all speaking to me in words I didn't understand. I couldn't, because this couldn't possibly be real. My little sister couldn't possibly be dead. She couldn't possibly have killed herself. I imagine the rest of our band just melted off stage. One by one, leaving in bouts of frustration. Confusion. Maybe that's how our band would end. 

There is an end to everything. 

And I thought; everything has already happened. The entire history of the world and all the births and deaths and murders and suicides have already happened. She is already dead. And so am I . And so is everyone else. The world itself has already ended. And it was in that way only that I was able to twist my mind around the concept of Abby's death. 

I'm sitting on a couch somewhere backstage and Cody is crying. He is bawling and hugging me while I stare at the ceiling. I felt like a bird in a cage. Trapped from my sky and the rest of this world. This busy and loud world, only disguising itself as quiet through the stretching of the spaces in between. Give each scream miles to travel, so the other screamers can't even hear it over their own sound. I needed my space to scream.

Chris saw me, and I saw him. I don't know what my face was doing because I suppose I'm still locked in place because everything has already happened and corpses don't speak. 

Do corpses scream?

A few minutes later Cody and Ian are yelling at each other through tears. Everyone's crying except me. I get up numbly and walk out. I go to my RV and try to move my fingers enough to open my phone and see Dani's new texts.

Why would she do this???

I hate myself

I found her dead in her room with pills

We should have done something

I want to die

I hate you

I hate me 

Why did this happen?!?

This shouldnt have happened

Mom wont stop crying. 

Please come home

'Okay' I send. I buy plane tickets for the next morning. My phone seizures every few minutes or so. Ten different messages from ten different people. Death is a contagious topic. 

Did you hear?

I'm so sorry. 

Via I heard

How are you holding up??

You can talk to me.

Thanks, I think, but I really can't. 

***

A sleepless night and a sleepless plane ride. I said goodbye to my band mates only. I don't think anyone else knew, or cared really. Who cares about the singer's dead sister? She certainly doesn't, she hasn't even cried yet.