The Incredible League of Goth Pizza Haters (RH)

Part 68

---Ricky---
That night was hell. I had a nightmare about Via.

I know I should trust her. I know that she's an adult and can make her own choices. I know that but it didn't stop my unconscious imagination from showing me searching the house in a panic. Driving wildly through the streets because I knew something bad had happened. It didn't stop me from having a nightmare about finding her dead in her car.

And it was so real. The cold stiffness of her body and the fact that even then I knew she had been dead a while. That she was far beyond saving. And I hadn't done anything to stop her. I didn't help at all, not when she was alive. I let her drink herself to death. I felt the way she fell out of the car into my arms, limp and dead. Devoid of warmth but still stealing it away. She took it all, the heat from the air and the car and even me. She took the heat right out of the desert when she left and I knew everywhere was this cold.

The only warmth left radiated from the tears that fell from my eyes and she stole those too.

I woke up sweating and scared. I slipped from the darkness of my bunk and walked out to the kitchen-lounge part of the tour bus. I paced for a while, thinking. I tried to be quiet, knowing Balz's bunk was right by and he was sleeping.

I tried calling Via again and got no answer. I tried sending another text and nothing went through. I looked for messages from Mena or anyone. There was nothing and I ended up making the quietest cup of tea I could and sitting on the couch trying to calm down.

No use freaking out over something I can't control.

No use.

This isn't my fault.

It isn't.

I feel sick.

I thought about how things played out. All from that one night where we met, to Thanksgiving, to living in a house together and everything in between. How all of that had happened in a mere five months and if you looked at it all mashed together then it would feel as though things had moved along too fast. Maybe they did. And I couldn't help but think about if that was all of our time. I only got to know her for five months and that was all. That was the only time in my life that she was there. I didn't want that.

***
Tour is usually a stressful but fun time. The day drifted by on a more stressful note, and not just for me. Angelo's drumsticks went missing. Not only the two he usually plays with but all of the extras. He ended up borrowing them from another band and the show went seemingly smoothly for everyone but me. My fingers weren't working today, I don't know if it had anything to do with the lack of sleep I got. Along with fucking up the notes I also just felt like my guitar was constantly going out of tune and I knew it was noticeable to other people. Maybe not all of the crowd but my friends kept shooting me glances whenever I fucked up.

Regardless, after the show, I went straight back to the tour bus to clean up and lay down before the signing. There was only a half hour before I had to be back in the eyes of people and I buried my head under a pillow, exhaling slowly.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out and looked to see Mena was calling.

"Hey."

"Hey, so I called the police and they want to wait," she said,

"...What?"

"They said she's a young adult. And because her car is gone they think maybe she just skipped town or is still out partying or something. I don't know... I don't know. They want to give her another two days."

"Did you tell them she wouldn't do that? Leave?"

"Yeah, I tried to. I mean.. That does sound like something she might do but I know she would tell me first. You too probably. She wouldn't wanna worry us and she would never let her cats go hungry."