The Incredible League of Goth Pizza Haters (RH)

Part 41

Author's Note: Warning, existential crisis

---Sylvia---

I awoke to the sound of birds and a moan from the person pressed up against me. I stretched and turned around to see Ricky covering his face a hand.

"Are you okay?" I asked and he revealed his face and sighed.

"My head hurts."

"Well, you were smoking weed."

"Shut up," he said and I sat up a bit, pulling the sheets up to cover myself a bit more. He moved closer to me, resting his head on my shoulder "Do you have Ibuprofen? Aspirin? Anything?"

"Yeah, I'll get it in a minute." I closed my eyes once more and soaked in the softness of my bed, the warmth of the body next to me and-

There was clawing at my door. I sighed, knowing how relentless my cat is and got up. I opened the door and he greeted me with a loud stretched out 'meeeooooooow' before rubbing against my legs and entering my room. I left, retrieving some Ibuprofen from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom before returning to find my cat cheating on me. Wally was laying on top Ricky's chest, muzzle under his chin purring loudly.

"This is the worst betrayal of my life," I said and tossed the pill bottle to him. I sat down on the bed and pet my cat.

"This is Wally?"

"Yeah."

"Hello, Wally. Is he named after the little Disney robot?"

"No, Dani named him and his brother Koala and Panda. Koala became Wally and Panda became Andy."

"Ah. He's very handsome."

"I know. And he's cheating on me with you."

"What's that supposed to mean? You'd rather snuggle with your cat than your boyfriend?" he said and I felt my stomach dip.

"You meant that? About asking me to be your girlfriend?"

"Yeah..."

"Oh, sorry. I never take people seriously when they're high. I just assumed it was something you said because..."

"...Because?"

"I don't know."

"Okay, well I meant it."

"Are you sure? I mean we've only been on one date..."

"I don't care. We've known each other for months."

"...I know..." I bit my lip.

"Okay." He lifted Wally off him, who mewed in protest. He sat up, smoothing out his hair and looking me in the eyes. "Sylvia Deluca." I raised one eyebrow and he smiled. "Would you please do me the honor of being in a relationship with me?"

"... Wow... This is all so sudden.. I-I don't know if I'm ready... I just..." I paused and he glared at me. "I'm kidding. Yes." I leaned in and kissed his cheek and he turned and caught my lips. He cupped his hand on my cheek and kissed me again, longer and more passionate this time. We spent the next hour or so talking and waking up. It was a little past noon when we finally left my bedroom. We walked out to the kitchen and I made some coffee for the caffeine addict while he sat on the porch smoking.

When I walked outside to deliver his cup of coffee I noticed the weather. It was snowing down big fat flakes that seemed to melt upon impact with the ground. Sludge.

"This'll be shitty weather to drive in," he said and I nodded. He offered me a cigarette and I declined. We sat outside and watched the precipitation. Then the door opened behind us and we turned around to see my mom, groggy-eyed and half awake, peering through the half-open door. Her gaze traveled from me to Ricky and then back again.

"Did you spend the night?" she asked Ricky.

"He slept on the couch," I said, hoping she hadn't woken up in the night and been in the living room.

"Hm." she said, chewing her lip, "I just don't seem to remember you coming over last night... Did you sneak in?"

"No, I was out with friends last night and Via let me stay here instead. Sorry for not having Via run it by you first." Ricky said.

"Were you drinking?"

"No, I don't drink."

"Really?" My mom gaped, obviously happy with that answer.

"Yeah." he said and when he didn't elaborate, my mom offered to make us breakfast in a bit then returned to the heated indoors.

Sometime later I drove him home through the rough weather then on the way home I stopped and bought my family some food from Arby's. I fell into a gentle contemplative mood and stopped a block from my house to watch the snow fall on my car. My fragile mood was disturbed by the thorn in my side telling me the food was getting cold. I drove home and walked the food in. My siblings were home from school but Nick had already taken off in our mom's car to a friend's house to spend the weekend. Dani and my mom took their food. I sat in the living room, devoid of purpose and frustrated by it.

I took Nick's food and got in my car. I drove to his friend's house and he looked confused when I gave him the food. He still took it, though. I drove to the gas station down the road from my neighborhood and sat in my car and thought about the insignificance I held. I thought about how small we all were and how none of this really mattered. That I could have sat there with the heat off in my little silver grandma car and frozen to death and everything would go on. I knew this. I'd been telling myself how easy it is to die all my life.

What scared me was how I die. How early I die. On what terms do I die. I've been told you have to trust in the universe to bring you what you want but I knew that for so many people that didn't happen. It didn't for the children who died from the flu or teenagers who drank too much and died in a drunken slumber or the unassuming young man who happened to be walking in the warehouse when the beam fell. There are so many cases where people die before they get to live and I was terrified of being one of those people. One of those people that died simply from the bad luck of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I just wished I could be satisfied with simplicity. I truly truly wished that I could live within the confines of an ordinary life and be satisfied with it. There were days when I was - days where I could sit and admire the patterns within the fragile body of leaf for hours on end, stunned by the detailing - but those days always passed and I was there again with my eyes stretched wide gazing upon the entire world beyond this little town. Oh, the selfishness of humans.