The Incredible League of Goth Pizza Haters (RH)

Part 23

---Sylvia---

I was swerving down the road at night and I had no where I was going but I knew I was upset and I didn't have to look to know there were pills in the glove compartment on the passengers side. Dark branches like demon fingers swooped past and overhead. My heart hammered painfully. I turned a left and there was someone in the road. I slammed on the brakes, the seat belt pressing hard against my chest as it caught me. Some of my hair flew in front of my face from the momentum. Dark, reminding me I was a teenager. This was before I dyed my hair. 

I'd nearly swerved my mother's car into a ditch. I was gasping with relief that I hadn't. I leaned my head against the steering wheel in anger that I was glad I was alive. Tears came and I cried alone in the drivers seat. I heard the passenger door open and I knew who it was. 

She opened the glove compartment and handed me the pills. I set them in my lap and stared at the small bottle. My mother's thyroid meds. She always left an extra bottle there just in case. 

"I hope no one ever steals them," she'd said, "They could easily kill someone." I turned it over and over in my shaking fingers. 

"Are you going to do it?" the passenger asked. I looked up at her. She looked just how she did at her funeral. 

"The lip piercings were a good look for you." I replied, "I thought you'd have kept them."

"You think you killed me." 

"I did." 

"You think you owe me."

"I do." 

"Then stop being a wimp and take your medication." she looked out through the window. "They're coming soon." I didn't want to look away from her but I did. All around the car, staring in through windows were the faces of the dead. People I knew and people I didn't. The back door opened and my mom climbed in. Not the one I'd shared with my sisters and brothers. The one that had given birth to me. The one I haven't seen since I was nine. 

"Sylvia, take your medication." she said. I didn't want to look at her face. 

"Get out of my car."

"This isn't your car."

"Get out of my mom's car."

"I am your mom."

"You're the source of my depression."

"You're playing the victim when you're the reason I killed myself." 

"Get out." I whispered though I wanted to scream it. 

"Via, please." Abby interrupted. There were tears in her shiny doll eyes. I didn't know what she was begging me to do, but I obeyed my mind. I unscrewed the cap to the pills and dropped several in the palm of my hand. I looked at the empty black eyes of the dead, staring at me from all different angles. Without thought, I swallowed the pills. The black eyes expanded, almost in surprise. I was the wimpy sister. A sad follower trailing behind my younger sister's death. Like I was wrapped in her depression. Like she hung me with it.

The realization of what I'd done hit me about the same time the pills hit my stomach acid. I knew if I wanted to live I would have to push through the bodies. I just knew it. Get to the grass on the side of the road. Throw up the pills. I flung open the door. I heard my sister screaming and crying as she left the car after me. 

Don't leave me alone again! she cried. 

I don't want to. I tried to say. Please come with me, it's not to late to throw up the pills!

Yes. she says. It is. I grab her by her wrist anyway. I dig my nails as deep as I can into her skin because out of all the things I've ever lost she can't be one. Not my little sister. 

I push through the bodies digging my nails deeper and deeper into her arm. I can feel her fading. I dig two fingers in my throat and desperately try to gag myself. I'm screaming and crying because she's just watching and I'm begging her to throw up the pills. 

I want to scream to her:

For the love of god just throw up your death so we can leave this place!

And even though her lips aren't moving I can hear her saying;

I wish I could. I wish I could go home. 

You can. Just come with me! 

She smiles as she fades away and for the first time it's actually hers. 

Tell mom I love her. 

No.

Tell Dani she can keep going. Take her to that coffee shop we went to. 

No.

Tell Nick he'll be okay.

No.

Via, I love you.

No!

Via!

No!

I'm sorry.