The Incredible League of Goth Pizza Haters (RH)

Part 18

---Sylvia---

Today I saw 'The Body'. 

At the service I tried really hard not to look at it. I walked out in front of the building for a while, I even took a cigarette from some guy just to waste time. I hate cigarettes, and that one left a burning in the back of my throat. Finally my mom came out and took my arm. She's too soft and broken, I couldn't run from her like an angry teenager. So I followed her perfume to it. An open casket viewing because my sister was just that beautiful. 

She was in that lacy black dress. The one she had worn during her prom night. The one with the long flowing skirt like black rose petals. The one with the lace sleeves speckled with the outline of roses and tulips and vines. The one she wore when I drove her to prom. The one she wore when those girls attacked her with their shitty words and their own low self esteem. They singled out my beautiful little sister, perhaps because their own horrid personalities were rotting their product-smothered skin and everyone could smell it. 

She wore that dress when I picked her up again from that goddamn social minefield. We skipped it for ice cream and Walmart adventures. Running through the isles. Riding in carts and blasting music. Leaping into cardboard boxes of pillows . That was the first time I was ever forcefully ejected from Walmart by security. It was one of the best nights I can remember. 

And now I was staring at that same dress, worn by a corpse. That dress was now more her than her body. Her makeup had been done lightly, all piercings removed from her except earrings. Some people brought things for the corpse. Pieces of jewelry, prayers, drawings, pictures. Someone brought a fucking cup of ramen noodles, which somehow made me come closer to crying then anything else there.  

Still, I didn't.

Afterwards we went to the funeral, and I rode in the car behind the one with the body in it . As we drove to the graveyard people on the street- strangers who don't know us and never will- got down on their knees. Took off their hat. Held their hand to their heart. They were showing simple signs of compassion that shouldn't have made me feel so much. My mom cried. Dani smiled a little bit. I closed my eyes and escaped through my mind. 

They gave speeches, and Dani, my mom, Peter and even Mena told stories and said things. I felt like I should. They passed the spotlight around and when they're asking if anyone else would like to say words for Abby, I'm too stuck to open my mouth. I wouldn't have known what to say anyway. Another man who was probably hired for some reason or another, who probably never even met Abby, comes up and speaks.

'It's such a tragedy to die at sixteen.'  he says. Yeah, no shit.  

Afterwards Mena, who had shown up at the very end of the viewing for traveling reasons, came up and hugged me. She asked if I was hungry and I said no. She asked 'do you want to go get food anyway?' and I said sure. 

We sat in Starbucks and I nursed a vanilla frappuccino. We didn't say anything, just drank our beverages.  Mena has a frozen chocolate chip frappuccino, which she drinks nervously. After a while of averting our eyes we finally looked at each other and she said;

"Do you need to get away from here?" I nod and we leave. I don't know where we're going but sitting in the passengers seat staring out the window while holding a melting drink, I already feel better. I guess just being away from all that emotion was a relief. We drove for a little over an hour until she pulled the car into a parking lot behind a huge clump of rocks. 

"It's called Devil's Den." she said, "It's just a huge bunch of rocks people love to come and climb on. I thought you'd like it." I nodded. It's a nice day, a little cloudy but everything's been cloudy lately. We're the only ones here, which is a relief. We climb around, Mena occasionally makes a remark about wishing she'd worn better shoes. 

We find an opening between three rocks. A slanted doorway to a cave bathed in shadows. And ladybugs. As I strategically twist myself through the opening I notice lady bugs scattered all over the walls. The cave is dark except for an opening in the top right, which sheds misty light down, reflecting off the shiny stones at my feet. Mena maneuvers in after me and we both stare in awe at the lady bugs dotting the walls. 

It's beautiful, I think, and begin to cry.