My fingers made its way to wrap around the cup of hot chocolate I made myself for the morning, keeping me warm enough and a little bit calm from remembering all the events that took place yesterday and in today. I wasn't that even drunk last night, but it feels like I was. My head is spinning, my thoughts are all swirling around my mind nonstop. I let out a deep sigh, with my heart racing as fast as the rain falls madly in the window in my bedroom. I decided to just stay here after I got myself something to eat, and after she ended up the phone call we shared almost an hour ago. I rested my back on the pillows of my bed, focusing my eyes on nothing in particular. My mind keeps on jumping into many conclusions for I don't exactly know what to feel at the moment. I'm either nervous or excited, there's really no in between.
There would be no exaggeration to say that I'm excited to see her again. Of course, I am. Excitement is probably an understatement, because I know there's more than what I feel than that. I couldn't wait to have her in my arms again, hearing her saying those words that in my mind I couldn't just seem to get rid of. I want to know why all of sudden she decided to run away from me. Was there something going on? Was there something I did again? I know for all this time I have caused her nothing but pure pain that made her suffer just that. I know, I feel like a complete asshole for doing nothing but think about myself. But this time I want her to tell me whatever is bothering her mind. I want her to tell me what's going on. I want her to let me help her.
I placed my half empty cup of hot chocolate on my bed side table and took my phone again. I looked at nothing but my empty lockscreen, watching every second and minutes go by. She will be here, I assured myself. My head started aching lightly, making me rest my head on one of my pillows as I let the sound of the rain falling down the ground take over my restless mind. I focused myself on nothing in particular, and before I could process everything, I fell asleep.
*
My eyes opened slowly as the sound of little shuffles coming from just around my room woke me up. I grunted at the pain that my head is giving me, but immediately got back to my senses as the sight of a familiar someone sitting at the edge of my bed took my entire attention.
She wasn't facing me as she sits there without even making any noise but just her little sniffs and heavy breathing. I hesistated about approaching her at first but after a few seconds I already found myself making way to hug her from behind. She shuddered at the moment my warm skin made a contact with her cold arms.
"You're soaking wet." I pulled her closer to me, not even minding if she'll get the bed sheets or my own dry clothes messed up too. I needed to feel her close to me again. "C'mere, let's get you some dry stuff."
As I stood up from the bed and tried taking her inside the bathroom to get changed, she gripped tightly on my hands and remained sitting down on where she is while looking down at nothing in particular. I sighed not too deeply, seemingly understanding why Kristen's being like this. Maybe she still feel all those things she said and feeling ashamed from running away then coming back looking like this, when in reality she shouldn't even be feeling sorry at all. It was my mess that made her feel that way and I should be the one who should be feeling terrible about myself, not her. For now I just want her to get changed into warm and dry clothes and after that we can go and talk about everything and probably settle into something we both feel in common.
"Baby," I sat down in front of her, my hands caressing her knees. I held her chin up and saw her face— looking weary and pale. Kristen looked so weak and damaged, and I know I'm the only one to blame for this. Without any hesitations I pulled her once again with a warm hug, making her cry out in sobs this time. My heart broke.
"Come on, let's get you all dried up." I said gently on her ears, feeling her cold body shivering from her wet clothes. "You're gonna catch a cold if you don't go changing any minute now, baby."
I really don't know exactly what was happening—or maybe I do, I just can't quite put a finger on it—but Kristen kept crying, her sobs getting worse as each second passes by. I gently pulled away from her, worry and pain looking evidently on my face as I held her face this time. She couldn't look straight at me.
"Tell me what's wrong." I asked, feeling my chest getting heavy.
Kristen tried to calm herself down but she still didn't stop from crying. Her cold, shivering hands held my cheek that made me feel something as she looked into my eyes sincerely. I hated seeing her in this kind of state.
"I love you." She cried. "I never stopped loving you."
Kissing her and feeling her lips pressed into mine was the only thing that crossed my mind after hearing her say it again in front of me. I kissed her like the way we did in the first time our lips ever connected— slowly but full of passion that you could feel every single thing in you trembling. I pulled away, making our foreheads touch as I wipe away the tears on her eyes that won't just stop from falling.
"I love you," I whispered. "You're all that matters to me, Kristen. Please don't ever, ever walk away from me anymore."
She pulled away again, crying and sobbing harder than she did a while ago. I looked at her eyes with confusion painted all over me. I held her hands, hoping I would be able to stop her from crying and shaking too much but nothing would seem to work.
"Save me."
A loud knock from my door dragged me back to my senses— to reality. I looked down at my shirt, I am soaking wet but in my own sweat. My chest still feels heavy as it was by the moment I saw Kristen sitting at the edge of my bed. My breathing and heart rate started going ape shit as I look for her inside my room. I know I probably look stupid for searching too much, but she was just here a few fucking moments ago and I'm deadass sure that I am not going crazy as hell. I am beginning to panic and I literally jumped at the another loud knock from my door disturbed me.
"Calum!" Luke called out. "Please dude, wake up!"
I walked slowly and closer to the door, then turned my head back to where Kristen was sitting— where exactly I saw her. My head is throbbing too much that I can't bear the pain anymore. I shook my head along with its thoughts. Maybe I was only dreaming.
My door flew widely open the moment I unlocked it, with a Luke standing outside. He looked pale and scared, and for some unknown reason it gave me something to be scared about too.
"Why, wh-what happened?" I stuttered.
Luke was never this kind of person around me since I've been his best friend for years— to look uneasy and frightened that he couldn't seem to start saying what he needs to say. I can feel my heart racing inside my heavy chest. I want to punch Luke in the face and pin him against the wall just so he could cut the shit out and stop messing around with me, or just tell me what he really needs to tell me.
"What the fuck is wrong with you Luke, calm down!" I exclaimed.
He froze and got stuck in his tracks, his eyes looking at me and I swear I have never seen him like this for a very long time. I felt a lot uneasy.
"Kristen."
My world stopped.
Luke started crying.
"She got into an accident."
YOU ARE READING
Fading (A Calum Hood Fan Fiction; Sequel to Pretending)
Fanfiction"All things fade, don't they?" Sequel to the Calum Hood Fan Fiction "Pretending"
