Fading (A Calum Hood Fan Fiction; Sequel to Pretending)

Chapter 3: Her

My hands made its way to rake my damp blonde hair as I stare blankly at myself in the mirror. It's a Thursday afternoon, and I am lazily trying to prepare myself for some party that's going to come right up tonight at Calum's house. It's just one of those many weird days that I always get where I am excited to do something certain, but at some point with lots of reasons behind it, I don't want to keep on doing it either. Tonight's going to be really fun, and probably emotional because after two weeks, Calum and I will be drifted from each other again. Tonight is their last night here in Australia again, and by tomorrow, they will be flying back to America for another round of an album tour.

I admit that I am really happy and proud of what my boyfriend along with his best mates had become. I was there in each and every step of their journey to this, and I knew how much they wanted to have this big break of their lives. Back in high school, all of them, especially Calum, was always talking about their plans in the future. Like, what if they won the Battle of the Bands, and luckily they did. About a few months later they started recording their first EP and things started working really smooth and fast with their career. As a good friend, I have always been so proud. So proud and happy, that even though some things behind it really hurts my heart way too much. Things changed, and still are changing. I know it will always going to happen, and that's something I can never take away from the fate that we all have. But why did it have to change that way? I always complain about life being unfair, and I sometimes think I am being completely pathetic about it. Calum, Ashton, Luke and Michael have always wanted this. God, they love this. It's their life-long dream, and they finally got it. And as a friend who treats them as a family? Why wouldn't I be proud? It's just really a good feeling knowing they got what they want. But there's just really something in me that keeps on kicking in every single time I say things like this. The question keeps on popping out: why did it have to be like this? And even though I hate to admit it to myself, for the sake of the person I love the most, this whole situation is completely breaking my heart. But what can I do? I can't be fucking selfish and take away his dream just because of these feelings and a soft sensitive heart that is almost breaking just because of the distance that is always happening. I can never let that happen. I know we can work it all out. This is hard, I know. But I just have to be really strong about it.

I put on my famous ripped denim jeans that I paired with my cream-colored knitted sweater and my black and white chucks, thinking that I don't have to be really casual and all dolled up for a simple get together tonight. I put on my usual make-up and pulled up my hair in a loose bun that will somehow soon be covered by a beanie later on since the weather today is quite torturing. It was kind of weird, for me, I don't know, but I couldn't stay away in front of the mirror and break the gaze I have made with myself. I feel like I just want to stand there for heaven knows how long, and wait for what miracle might happen. I want to see him, of course I want to see him. I want to see him so bad, that it's starting to make it seem like it's the only thing I ever want to do in my life. I want to see him, but not in the way he will smile at me, kiss me, hug me, and just leave me all by myself after all that.

The moment I sat down at the edge of my bed, a knock on my front door startled me, somehow putting me back to reality. I wasn't surprised at all. I knew who it was, and I was only expecting one person. I walked in a fast but lazy way to the door and opened it, having the person behind it envelop me with a hug.

"You seem a bit off today, are you?" He asked with a lot of concern evident on his tone, and I was somehow taken aback for it. It was kind of surprising, to be honest. I know we've known each other for like three years now, but for the fact that we hadn't been seeing each other quite a lot lately, it was somehow shocking that he can read my exact thoughts even by just seeing me for a matter of seconds.

"Nah," I shrugged and let him inside my apartment. "Just tired, 's all."

Without a word, he slowly ran towards my couch and flopped down like a king, followed by a loud sigh as he stretched his arms out widely, putting his hands under his head.