Carries Prov.
'January 20, 1998
I rebelled against it. The voices. They no longer can control me. There is nothing left to control. My emotions are gone. I don't do anything but lay here in bed. It's been five days since I last got up. I refused to kill him. When I woke up, the voices were gone, but so was I.
Cole takes care of me. He has even brought me medicine.
It doesn't seem to be working though.
Cole doesn't talk to me anymore. He just gives me pained looked every once in a while when he's giving me my medicine.
I made a request today. I asked that if I should die, to leave my body here. I want to rest in my bed. I also asked that he would leave the house. He also would never tell anyone about it.
I don't know if I shall fall into a dream or a nightmare, or anything at all, but I know I will die. I feel death becoming me as I write.
I tore out every page except for the the two entries and empty pages. The rest of the pages are hidden. I wouldn't look for them though. The pages were written while I was being controlled. Who knows what damage they might cause.
This is my last entry, for I am sure I will die tonight. I, therefore, will write my name at the bottom of this entry. Someone must know of me.
And as I bid farewell to this Earth, I pray peace for me and all are in this house. This house will protect anyone who reads this book.
Don't let it fall into the wrong hands.
-Conor Gavin Wright'
Conor Gavin Wright. That name sounds familiar. I scanned my memory for someone with that name.
Now I remember.
When I was younger, my mother told me a story about boy with many voices. How his actions were decided by the many voices, only one was the right one. She said that when you make the right decision good always come to you. What this boy wanted most was to never hear the voices again. So god granted him his last wish.
The death of Conor Wright. Himself.
My eyes stung with the threat of tears, but not for the boy. For my mother who I had unintentionally killed.
I walked to a near-by room to be completely alone. I looked to the window and saw a balcony.
I walked over and opened the glass doors. The wind blew in my face. I shivered and grabbed my arms.
Sometime during the night it had began to snow. There was a thick blanket of fallen snow covering the ground. The wind blew snow at me, and the cold air stung my cheeks.
I walked over to the bed.
And yanked off the covers.
So graceful, I know.
I walked out onto the balcony and stared out into the darkness of the night.
There was a tree to the left and right of the balcony and if I walked to the edges I could touch dying leaves covered in snow.
I walked until I was between the trees and pulled the blankets over me. I watched the rain fall until a pair of arms wrapped around me.
My mood had a sudden downfall. I grabbed their arm and spun around to......
Jess.
"Oh, it's just you. "
"You've been on this journey for way to long." he said as I released his arm. He rubbed his shoulder and giggled. "And I thought you were some damsel in distress who needed saving. "
"Hey!"
"I said thought. " He paused for second before I heard him mumble what I thought was "AND I thought girls who could protect themselves were arrogant snot rags. "
"Snot rag?!"
"Shut up!"he said holding back a laugh.
I laughed and spun around.
"Can I have some blanket?"
"Yeah. " I said giving him some blanket.
We are now shoulder to shoulder. We just stood there before Jess broke the silence.
"Do you miss your mom?"
"Do you?"
"Not the question. "
I waited a few seconds before I answered.
"Yeah, plus know half of her death is on my shoulders makes it worst. "
"It's not your fault. He was going to kill her after you got married. He didn't like her and she knew what he was capable of. She'd be gone anyway. "
I just stood there before I felt something hot roll down my cheek. I reached up and wiped it away. I felt Jess's stare on me. Something about knowing your crying makes your tears flow.
Usually I had to cry to myself. Now I have Jess. I turned to him and cried into his shirt.
"Shhh.... shhh..... its okay. Let it out. It's okay. "
"She was the last person who was always there. Everyone else always forgets me. The boy I thought I loved has left and now I feel all alone. "
"Carrie, your not alone. I'm here. I always will be. Carrie look at me. " He said lifting my face to look at his. "I won't leave. No matter what, I will always be your friend. "
I searched his eyes for a hint that he's lying. I failed.
I hugged him tight so he wouldn't leave. I wouldn't be able to handle it.
He held me until I was done crying
My
Never
Ending
Trail
Of
Tears.
__________________________________________________
Oh wow. This took forever to write. I have never felt more accomplished in my life.
Sry for the late update and deleted chapters. I wanted to lead the story on a more possible route.
Bye-bye
~StarlighSaga
