Voice Behind Closed Doors (discontinued)

Chapter 40 ~ Gotta Go

✯ᒪᘎᑕ૪'ᔕ ᖘ〇ᐯ✯

I stared out the window and sighed, listening to music quietly in the front seat. I glanced at Natsu and then back out the window. Most of the time since we left was silent. All eyes were dull and full of worry. I sighed and continued to stare out the window. I can't believe all of us just ran the hell away. They did it just for me. I started to cry and Natsu looked over at me and rested his hand on my arm. I leaned my head on his arm and stared out the window as tears lithely slipped down my cheek. He tried to hold my feebly shaking hand. I kept mine open, it just wouldn't close around his as my whole body shook violently. I let out a soft sob as I watched Fiore rush past me in a blur. Erza and Jellal were leaning on each other, and Levy cried with me, in Gajeel's arms. "N-Natsu!" I sobbed, I couldn't control myself.

"Shhhh...." He murmured, looking back at Levy. "It's getting dark, are we driving through the night?"

"Yeah, I'll drive with Gajeel up front," she murmured between sobs.

"You sure?" I barely heard Gajeel ask. Levy sighed in response.

"Of course," she answered, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. I couldn't hold it in. I curled up in the seat, kicking, twitching, and sobbing so loud as I lost my mind. My whole life collapsed. I couldn't handle this anymore. Music blared in my ears and I screamed, ripping out the headphones and my phone and looked at the ground with fear.

"I just wanted to be happy." I mentally couldn't hang on anymore. Complete despair pursued me. I couldn't register what was going on, I only thrashed and sobbed. The rest of the car was silent. I couldn't breath and the lump in my throat just kept rising like fog on a less humid day. I watched the now darkening sky, my vision so blurred, no stars could be seen. I couldn't hang on. I wanted to leave, my whole world turned dark in just one day. I have to learn how to live again. I just started my education, now it's all shattered like glass.

I cried until I couldn't anymore. I screamed mentally until I couldn't. I just wanted to be happy. I hated myself for I couldn't control such a thing. It hurt so badly. I dragged my friends into this, and I can't save them. My temper rose as I just collapsed. My eyes closed and I just stopped.

~

I felt myself be lifted, I opened my eyes and looked at Natsu, his beautiful onyx eyes - unforgettable. I buried my face in his chest, and he grabbed my phone and headphones and played my music softly, in my ears. I looked around and realised we where pulled over in the middle of no where. My head spun as he took me to the back seat with Jellal and Erza and he set me down and got in next to me. Our Jeep Commander gave us enough room for us to to be towards the driver and passenger and there was a back seat towards the trunk.

I rested my head on Natsu it was about 10:30 PM, and we still had maybe three days ahead of us in the car to reach the cottage. I choked at the thought of not being able to see Wendy again, or Mr. Dragneel, or Mrs. Marvell. Not being able to play my violin again, or the piano. Not learning about magic at Fairy Tail High, or being surrounded by noisy people like Jet and Droy, Evergreen and Elfman, or Lisanna. These thoughts spun around my head until I screamed and sobbed again, biting down on a pillow of mine I grabbed from the trunk to silence myself. Happy!! The beautiful blue kitten, I'll never seen him again. That put me in a spiral of more fits. I can't breathe again, I just sobbed into the pillow.

Many would think I'm overreacting. But my hand is open, and I can't hold myself. My light at the end of my path went out. I picked my steps carefully, and it just collapsed. The dark pit swallowed me whole and dropped me in a world I can't explain. My whole happiness was snatched. My friends don't judge me though. Natsu - my Natsu. He stroked my hair and held me as I bit down on a pillow, as I sobbed, screamed and kicked. As I twitched uncontrollably. He held me as I was dear. He didn't let me go.

★彡

I never really did calm down. Until 11:30 PM. When we stopped for some food and water. I only needed a muffin then. I didn't feel like eating. We got gas and headed out again. I leaned on Natsu, pink headphones engulfed me in their music. And I sang to calm myself down even more.
"Now go on, and drift away. No tide can hold you out. Go quiet now, go sound, go safe. Open hands are hard to hold on to, anyway." I repeated this for an hour. My temper held out for a while. I couldn't breathe still, and I was gasping for breath and hyperventilating. I can be strong, I promise. I wiped my eyes and drank from my waterbottle, forcing the lump down, and biting into my muffin.

~

Sorry for the uhmmmm very sad chapter. Lucy has been me for a while. I kinda slipped into a state were I can't control myself and I'm trapped, and everything is just gone

Sorry, you didn't need to know that. But this is for _HarmonicMelody_ and SelmaFayzullayeva