This = Love

Chapter 20

I could feel my heart rate quicken and a million questions whirled around in my mind, the most prominent being 'What is she doing here?'. I felt rooted to the spot, unable to move or say anything and I could feel my internal organs trembling inside me.

Glen gestured over to Mark and Danny and shouted "Come on and meet the girls."

At this point I found the strength to move and I whispered to Rina "I can't watch this" before bolting out the door.

As I got into the corridor I felt the adrenaline pulsing through my body as I ran to the empty dressing room and poured a large glass of wine gulping it back in an attempt to calm down, or pass out, whichever came first.

I guess this is what is meant by the feeling of fight or flight, so why didn't I stay and fight for my man? Maybe because he's not a possession that can be won in a battle.

As I looked at myself in the mirror I saw the door open and Rina entered the room.

"Kay, are you ok?" She asked, probably already knowing the answer.

"I'm fine" I lied, my eyes full of tears.

"No you're not" she said bluntly "Look, give me 5 minutes, I need to go and get the kids, I've left them with Mark. I'll take them to Quinner's office and then I'll be straight back ok? Or would you rather I sent Danny to see you?" She asked.

"No, tell him to hear her out, whatever she has come here to say, he needs to hear, and tell him I'm ok." I said firmly.

"You mean lie?" Rina asked as she gave me a hug before saying "I'll be quick." and leaving me alone again with only my thoughts for company.

True to her word, Rina returned just a few minutes later. "How are the kids?" I asked as she came back in.

"They're fine, they don't know what's going on, I've left them with Quinner. More importantly though, how are you, really?"

"Dunno." I answered, emotionless. "Why is she here?" I asked, finally looking up.

"All I know is she asked Danny if they could talk, I told him what you said about hearing her out so I think they are doing the meet and greet for the other girls and then he'll speak to her. Why have you told him to hear her out?" She asked, puzzled at my wishes.

"Because she's made a huge effort to come here tonight, walking into that room wasn't easy for her but whatever she wants to say was important enough for her to do it. That's not going to go away if Danny ignores her tonight, she'll just come back until she gets to say it." I told her.

" I don't think I'd be so reasonable in your shoes Kay, are you not worried that she ....."

".......is here to get Danny back?" I said finishing her question before answering it all in the same breath. "Terrified, absolutely fucking terrified. But I can't be in a relationship where I'm constantly in fear of losing him. I'm never going to be as pretty as her or have a figure like hers or anything like that so if that's what Danny wants then I'm going to lose him anyway. But I honestly don't think Danny is that shallow, we have an amazing connection and I can only hope he feels it too ...."

"He does." Rina assured me.

".... But I have no idea what his connection was like with her, would they have found a way back if he hadn't met me?" I asked, knowing that nobody could really answer that question.

"Honestly Kay, I don't know. How can anyone know? All I can say is that their relationship was on the rocks long before it was over so I doubt it, and I'm not just saying that to make you feel better."

"I just wish I knew what was going on." I said

"Kay listen to me, what you have done is so incredibly brave, I'm not sure I could be that brave if it was Mark. I'm here for you ok, whatever happens."

I hugged Rina tightly, but I couldn't help but think about the words 'whatever happens' it was possible that our group would be torn apart and Rina was telling me that she would still be there for me but in reality we would probably drift apart. Rina is one of my best friends and I stand to lose her as well.

"Now, if I get you a drink, will you sip it this time?" Rina asked with a laugh to try to lighten the mood in the room. I nodded, I knew that this would feel like a very long wait.

We sat with our drinks in silence, I appreciated Rina being there but I think she understood that I didn't want to make small talk, all I could think about was Danny.

Mark came back into the dressing room and my eyes immediately darted around looking for Danny. "What's going on?" I asked with fear clear in my voice.

"The girls have just left and Danny is taking to Anne now, he'll be along here as soon as he can." Mark replied as he wrapped his arms around me in an attempt to offer comfort.

"Where's Glen?" Rina asked.

"I asked him to take the kids home and put them to bed so that we can stay here with Kay." Mark replied.

Sitting up out of Mark's comforting embrace I said "Why don't you two go? Look after your kids, I'll be ok waiting on my own." I knew I wouldn't be ok but this whole situation just felt totally fucked up.

"Not a chance we're leaving." Mark said.

"The kids will be fine with Glen, we're staying." Rina added to my relief.

I could feel myself withdrawing from the conversation that Mark and Rina were having around me. I felt like I was in my own world, alone. I could hear them talking but I really didn't know what they were saying. I stared at the clock which seemed to have slowed right down as each minute felt like hours.

27 minutes, that's how long it was before Danny came into the room.

Instinctively I stood up as he entered and all I could focus on was him. He walked over to me with determination in every step and he cupped my face in his hand as he said "sorry" before kissing me passionately with hunger and desire.

But what was he sorry for? I broke away from the kiss and looked into his eyes. I didn't dare to speak, I didn't have to though, in his eyes I knew he was telling the truth when he said "I fucking love you, so fucking much" before kissing me again and this time I felt able to kiss him back.

The kiss became very heated, very quickly. My fingers tugged as they ran through his hair and his teeth lightly grazed my lips.

"We're gunna, um, go" I heard Rina say, I had forgot that her and Mark were here, but when she spoke, I didn't care that we had an audience.

"We'll make sure no-one comes in here" Mark said before I heard the door close.

Ripping each other's clothes off, I felt an urgency to be with Danny. There was nothing gentle or romantic about this, as he pushed me up against the wall we had animalistic sex right there in the dressing room.