This = Love

Chapter 38

Danny looked shocked by my question and without breaking our eye contact he immediately said no. But I couldn't forget how easily he had lied to me earlier today, what if he was lying now?

"Why would you even ask me that?" Danny said as he reached for my hand across the table. I pulled my hand away the second his touched mine, my heart was racing like it could leap from my chest at any minute. I searched Danny's face, hoping to find the truth but all I saw were tears welling in his eyes as he stared back at me in disbelief.

"Danny just tell me the truth. I won't be angry or get upset or stressed. We were good and I'll never regret that but if you've found someone else, please just let me go." tears trickled down my face as the words left my lips. I didn't want to lose Danny, he was my world, but I knew that I couldn't share him either.

"Fuck Kay, I am telling you the truth. How could you even think I could cheat on you?" Danny was crying now too and his raised voice was cracking as he struggled with his words.

"Please don't shout Dan, I don't want the others to hear this. I mean, I know that they know, but please" I stood up from the table and went over to the sink to wash my cup. I couldn't look at Danny anymore for fear that I would forgive him too easily and become 'that girl' that just put up with anything because she is so blinded by love.

"Do you have to do that now?" Danny asked, clearly annoyed that I had turned my back on our conversation.

"Yes, I do" I replied coldly "Dan, just leave me alone, I can't do this now"

"I'm not leaving you Kay" Danny said as he turned me around and held my shoulders forcing me to look at him. "We need to talk about this."

"Oh you want to talk about this?" I said, my own voice beginning to raise as I brushed his hands off my shoulders and sat back down.

"Ok, let's talk about it, what's her name? When did you meet her? And how long have you been so unhappy in our relationship that you felt you had the right to go out and fuck someone else?" The venom in my voice made me doubt if it was actually me speaking.

Danny looked gob smacked and just stood staring at me in shock, not saying a word.

"Come on Danny, you said you wanted to talk about it, lets talk about it." I taunted him.

Danny turned me so that I was sitting on the edge of the seat and crouched down in front of me.

"Kay, I love you, more than I ever knew was possible. I could never cheat on you, you mean the fucking world to me. I need to know why you think there's someone else because there's not, I promise you there's not and there never will be. You're the only one I want for the rest of my life." Danny said with sincerity.

"When did you get so good at lying?" I mumbled, not daring to look at him for fear that I would crumble.

"I'm not lying Kay, I would never lie to you." Danny pleaded.

"Another lie." I said finally finding the confidence to look at him with defiance in my eyes.

Danny stared at me in stunned silence, his mouth opening a few times but with no words coming out. It was as if he was choosing his words very carefully, then he whispered "I'm not lying"

He looked broken and I wanted so badly to wrap my arms around him and tell him that everything would be OK, maybe I loved him enough for both of us? But I couldn't do it.
I couldn't tell him everything would be OK when my whole world was falling apart around me.

Realising that this may be the last time I talk to Danny, I wanted to make sure that I left no stone unturned. I slid back in the seat, creating enough space for Danny to sit next to me.

He stood up and without saying a word, he took the newly vacated seat. When the tears had subsided I looked at Danny, his hand moved to my cheek to wipe a stray tear, it was probably just an instinctive move on his part but as his hand stroked my cheek lightly I felt my heart melting and the walls that I had spent all day building up were now just crumbling down. I needed to hate him, but all I could feel was love.

I raised my own hand and gently removed his from my face but as my hand rested back on my knee, I realised that it was still holding his.

"I can't do this Danny, I can't be with somebody who I can't trust." I bit my bottom lip as I willed myself to find the courage I needed to finish what I was saying. "Until this morning I could have trusted you with my life and I probably could have forgiven you anything but you lied to me and that has destroyed everything. And even when I've given you the chance to tell me what's going on, you won't do it. I heard you talking to Mark and Glen this morning, I know you're hiding something from me, and I know that it's not good. And don't tell me that it was a surprise for Rina because you were talking about me when you said 'we need to make sure she doesn't find out'. I've thought about nothing else all day and I just hoped you would say something, anything, that could make this alright but you've said nothing."

"Fuck Kay, I'm not cheating on you, you've got to trust me. I've only ever tried to protect you." he said as his hand moved to stroke my leg. I knew that I should stop him but I wanted to savour his touch. I closed my eyes, trying to memorise how it felt to have him so close to me. Then I felt his lips gently graze mine. My eyes shot open.

"I need to ask you something." Danny said to me. "Do you still love me?"

I couldn't believe he would ask me that. I felt like I shouldn't have to answer but I did anyway "I will always love you Danny, more than you will ever know."

"I did lie to you this morning, it's the only time I have ever lied to you and I did it to try to protect you. Don't throw us away over one stupid lie, don't say that one lie has destroyed everything because we are worth so much more than that." he pleaded.

"Without trust, we're worth nothing" I mumbled.

"I wish I hadn't told that stupid lie, if I could take it all back I would. I wanted to protect you, I wanted to stop you from getting hurt and all I've done is drove a huge wedge between us. Kay, I promise I only wanted to protect you."

"Protect me from what Danny? What have you done?"