I'm going to message you tomorrow. I've decided. Even though it's not in my best interests and I need to get over you, I need to talk to you again. Not speaking to you is killing me. I just want to tell you thank you, for everything you've done for me. I want to tell you thank you for being such an amazing part of my life. Thank you for showing me that my depression, anxiety and former/present eating disorders aren't all there is to me.
I still have those videos of you playing the guitar on my phone, isn't that crazy? You played them just for me... or at least you told me you did. I miss being considered your friend. I want to know if you miss me. I want to know if you even give me a second thought. Because you're all that I want and you're all that I think about.
We go back to school tomorrow. I'm glad we go to different schools so I don't have to see your face. I have so much built up anxiety that I doubt I'll sleep tonight. I have to do counselling again and I'm seeing the doctor soon about an official diagnosis. Then I'll see what the doctor can do to help me. Honesty I'd rather be on pills than feel the way I do.
I sat up late last night when I realised something, I actually want to kill myself. For once it wasn't just something to say, it wasn't just a thought. I genuinely wanted to die and I wanted to die right then. I thought about how I'd kill myself.
March 1st was my suicide date but I didn't plan what I was going to do and where I would go. I'm thinking about setting another date. I can't live like this anymore
I want to die and you're not here to stop me.
YOU ARE READING
Things I wanted you to know (Phan)
FanfictionSup bean people, this one will hit you right in the feely weelys Trigger warning *mentions of selfharm and suicidal thinking and eating disorders* stay safe ily It's finished but I update it every now and again... So it's not really finished... Id...
