~chapter 10~

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I can't help but love you, even though I try not to. I can't even help but want you, I know that I'd die without you. - Ruelle 'war of hearts'
I messaged you last night. You replied. We talked like normal people. It felt like coming up for air. I can't help but be wrong in the dark, because I'm overcome with this war of hearts. I know you're not good for me, I understand that by taking to you I'm driving myself insane. I don't care anymore and I should do because I've been trying so hard to fix myself.
You're stunning. I don't know if ever said that enough. I'd describe every feature you have but I haven't seen you in so long that I'd have a craving for you more than I already do.
It seems like the world got a little brighter overnight. We're not what we used to be and I don't know if we'll ever be that again but what we are right now, that's enough for me. I mean I still want to die, don't get me wrong. It's not like you coming back into my life will suddenly change how I feel or the chemical imbalances in my brain. Depression isn't just sadness and depression can't be fixed by a single person.
You're my distraction from life. But you deserve better, I know that. I was stupid to believe you don't.
But what is there to gain, when you always fall off the fence that way? -Bastille 'overjoyed'

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