Sup bean people, this one will hit you right in the feely weelys
Trigger warning
*mentions of selfharm and suicidal thinking and eating disorders* stay safe ily
It's finished but I update it every now and again... So it's not really finished... Id...
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I don't understand you. How can you say these things to me but tell me it's not real at the same time? How can't it be real to you? Hugs have become a weekly thing now. You never put much effort into them but I don't care because I get to put my arms around you and feel the safety in your arms. Security. You see the change in my emotions and you're the first to ask if I'm okay. But once I say I'm fine you don't push any further than that. You made a joke about self harm. You and your friends laughed it off whilst I stood there trying to work up the guts to look you in the eyes whilst scratching the cuts on my legs thinking "why me". I know you wouldn't have forgotten about the self harm, but once I stop telling you about it, you think everything is solved. Maybe it's better this way. I keep putting off appointments for a mental health service because I can't do this on my own. I want someone to show me why life is worth living. I want to see sunsets and night skies and watch the sun come up over the horizon on a picture perfect day. I want midnight hugs and someone to fall asleep next to. Picnics in the park and festivals where it doesn't matter if we don't know who's playing because the atmosphere makes it all worthwhile. I want someone to see me happy. The only thing that's seen me truly happy is the small piece of self destruction I keep hidden in my room. We've shared everything together. If I ever get better, I'll keep my blade on a chain around my neck, as a constant reminder that I've come such a long way but I still have a long way to go. I want to kiss you. -Dan Au: Sorry for the inactive-ness and the shortness of this chapter and the fact that this whole story is pretty shit but I've been finding it hard to concentrate on a story lately
