[phil💞 is typing]
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[phil💞 saw this message at 3:21][REMINDER: don't message Phil]
So it's been a week since we last spoke, to any normal person this wouldn't be a large stretch of time. To a normal person this wouldn't even be an issue. I know you're still hung up on that person that you told me about. I can't tell you how many times I've checked their Instagram, I've probably memorised their profile picture off by heart. They have a private profile and I suppose that's for the best. So when you two inevitably get together, I won't have to have this constant reminder that I could have been me and not them. Of course it couldn't have been realistically because you was never in love with me.
In terms of the promise I made you, I couldn't care less about it anymore. When the blade dances it's way across my skin, I get the euphoria that I used to get just looking at you. I always get this sense of poetic injustice, because my life is the poem, and you are the injustice it has brought. People ask me if I regret meeting you, I honestly do. Because for one to meet someone they believe they will spend the rest of their living days with and then for them to leave, is pain on a different level to anything else in the world.
You know, I'm beginning to find comfort in the thought of suicide. You told me you couldn't live without me but I've come to realise it is me who can't live without you. This may seem dramatic to some, that I can't go a week without wanting you back and I know I shouldn't want you back but here I am, wanting you anyway.
I don't like to point the blame and I take full account of my actions. You said that I was selfish and that I'm heartless. I don't see how that's possible because I've done everything I can to ensure that people don't get hurt by my actions. I try and distract myself from the thought of you but I'm always wondering if I'd have never told you, would you have stayed? But on the other hand if I had never told you, would you have known the real me? Because to try and make myself out to be anything other than flawed would be the worst lie I have told.
So tell me, what should I have done?
[Message sent at 4:35]
[Message received at 4:36]
[Opened by Phil💞 at 4:36]
[Phil💞 is typing...]
This is Phil's girlfriend, stop messaging him you freak. He doesn't want you, get over it. I swear if you message him again you'll regret it
Oh
YOU ARE READING
Things I wanted you to know (Phan)
FanfictionSup bean people, this one will hit you right in the feely weelys Trigger warning *mentions of selfharm and suicidal thinking and eating disorders* stay safe ily It's finished but I update it every now and again... So it's not really finished... Id...