Anxious Player

15%

Warning: some smut is included.

--

I woke up on my side, facing Connor. And he woke up the same time as I did. His eyes were squinting, teeth showing, smiling at me. "Morning, beautiful." He said as he ran his fingers through his blonde-tipped hair. "Morning, boo." I smiled back at him.

"So what do you want for breakfast?" I asked. "You." He answered after 5 seconds. "Connor!" I said as I rolled out of the bed and stood up, with arms crossed. He sat up and said, "I'm just kidding, boo." He stood up and hugged me from behind.

"You're so adorable." He said as he kissed my cheek. "I love you, you idiot." I said as I rested my head on his chest, since I was that short compared to him. "So, what do you want for breakfast?" I asked as he unwrapped his arms from me.

"Maybe bacon sandwich." He said as he made me turn around to look at him. His chest was bare, no clothes on his top half. That was strange, he was wearing a muscle tee last night.

I left the room and went to the kitchen. I popped out the bacon from the fridge and started cooking it.

--

I served the sandwich to Connor who had a smirk on his face. "Hey, what's up?" I asked as I placed down the plate in front of him. "Oh nothing, just typical best friends having jokes." He answered.

Something about that made my throat tighten. It was déjà vu, it felt like Jake said that. He was like he didn't care about me. My breath became shorter gradually. My heart started pounding even more, I started shaking and trembling. I sat down and began breathing, trying to calm myself down.

I placed my hand on my chest and started to breathe deeply. Nothing was happening. Connor looked up at me. "Are you alright, boo?" I shook my head. Why am I having an anxiety attack? Stop thinking and just breathe. Breathe, Kat. Just breathe. My heart rate started to decrease and my throat started to loosen. A tear dripped down and I quickly wiped it away.

"What happened?" He asked as I shook my head. "Nothing. I almost had an anxiety attack." I swallowed my saliva, for some odd reason. I bit a piece off my sandwich and felt my eyes kind of close. It was like 2 centimeters away from closing my eyes. Every time I have an anxiety attack, I look more depressed than yesterday.

"Con, how can I relieve myself from my anxiety? How can I be liberated from it?" I asked as I propped my head on my palm. "I don't have a clue at all. Just think about the present. Not the past, not the future." It kind of made sense to me, but I don't think that would work effectively. "Do I look old?" I asked as he shook his head. "Still the same beautiful Kat that I love."

I really loved it how Connor can make any situation into a good one. He's probably one of those people who flatter me a lot. We were done eating our sandwiches and I went to my room and collapsed on my bed. That was what I do every time I finished breakfast. It led me thinking to accidents that happened before. Like the time I made my baby sister's lip bleed since I wasn't there. I blamed everything on me. I assumed all the comments my mom and grandma made were because of me.

You might be asking where she is now. And the answer is, she's with my mom—abroad. Connor laid down on the bed with me and started scrolling through his phone. At one point, he stopped surfing through his phone. He turned it off and hugged me. "Whatever you're going through with your anxiety, you can make it. I know you can."

Typically at about 3 or 4 pm, I cry. Every single day of my life, I cried. I don't know why, but I did. "I am not strong." I said as I sat up and pulled the duvet on my legs. "If I were strong, I could've beaten this fight years ago. I let my anxiety eat me up. I am not stro-"

"Stop. You are strong. I believe that you are strong." He said as he cupped his hands on my two shoulders. "I wish I could just have the urge to tell myself that I am beautiful and I am strong, but I'd just be telling lies to myself." I said as I looked down.

"Those are not lies. Those are facts about you." He smiled. "I am the biggest bully to myself."

"Shh, no you're not." He said as he cradled my head and pulled me toward his chest. "How can you think so positive?"

"Because I'm sitting beside the girl of my dreams. I have beaten a short term anxiety before. I think positive because I tell myself I am positive." He said as I started shedding tears on his bare chest.

"I wish I was always positive as you are." I said as I pulled away and looked deeply into his eyes. He chuckled and bit his lip. "You want to?"

"I want to."

He kissed me, out of nowhere. My anxiety started clearing up on that minute. Maybe all I needed was comfort, and love. Not isolation and loneliness.

He placed his hands behind my head, making him push my head nearer to him gently. This long tongue-less kiss became short kisses on my neck and face. At one point, he sucked one part of my neck. "Connor!" I said as I covered that spot. "What?" He asked as saliva dripped down onto my duvet.

"You're going to give me a hickey." I said. "You could give me hickeys, but not anywhere that is visible when I wear a shirt." He pulled down one of the sleeves of my shirt and started sucking my chest. I tried not to moan by biting my lip, but little tiny moans escaped my mouth.

He stopped for a while and I looked down. Boy was this a bunch of hickeys. About 5 actually, but it wasn't visible.

I pulled him closer to me and our lips collided. We eventually made out and I tugged on his hair a bit. I pulled away and stopped. I breathed a bit and so did Connor. I wrapped my legs around his waist and continued kissing. After about 5 minutes, we both stopped. We both looked at each other, covered with a bit of saliva and were both flushed red.

I kissed him one last time and said, "I love you so much."

"I love you too."

--

That escalated quickly.

Next chapter is probably their whole day, I'm not sure.

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-xFrostayyy