For Crying Out Loud

1: Choose

    Sierra's P.O.V

Best friends are hard to come by, and it's even harder not to fall for them.  Jake and I are pushing six years in our friendship, and my love for him is undeniable now.

     It's ironic because he was in love with me, or claimed to be, but I didn't feel the same. And, of course, we did date. For like two months, but that ended and he move on to a girl who should have been my friend.

     I'm still in love with him though, even though it took me forever to uncloud my mind to realize it. It's much to late to fight for it now. It's gone, and so is who he used to be.

    I walk into second period, and he is sitting in my usual desk with a huge grin on his face, at least that hasn't changed. I walk up to him and cross my arms expectantly. "That's my seat honey." I say, attempting to be serious. I fail as he makes that dumbfounded face of his, as if he's innocent. I laugh, and he laughs. His dimples take over his smile, as he flashes his perfect white teeth. Damn him.

     He stands and gives me an awkward pat on the shoulder before moving to the seat right in front of mine. Sometimes I wish he'd sit behind me. That way I wouldn't have to stare at the form of his shoulders and the curling strands of dark brown hair on the back of his neck.

"How was your weekend?" He asks me in a whisper, acting like he's going through his back pack.

     "What do I do every weekend?" I laugh sarcastically, and he rolls his eyes.

"You really shouldn't sleep so damn much on weekends." He replies. I shrug.

"Do I ever sleep on week days?"

"No, but you should."

"Do you want to make the world go away so I can?"

"If I could, I would. You know that."

     I nod, and relax in my chair, staring down at my paper that Ms. Berry probably won't even grade. I sigh and lean over my desk a little. "What about you, how was your weekend?" I whisper. He shivers as my breath wisps at his neck. He sighs, meaning he doesn't want to reply.

     "I spent it at the river with Amy." I sigh now, and close my eyes at her name. The story of the past few months rolls over in my mind. When he broke up with me. When I saw them together moments after. The tears. The pain. The fights. The silent-treatment, and my undeniable realization of the fact that I don't want to live without him. I love him, but he isn't mine.

     "That's great. Did y'all have fun?" I ask.

      "They ditched us on the sandbar to go screw for a century." Interjects Danny, our 'son' back when we were together. Danny doesn't know the whole story.  He's a bit slow, so we decided to keep him out of it. Which means he never knows when to shut up.

      Jake glares at him. I take a deep breath. A couple years ago, before we started actually dating, we had a thing going. We promised we'd never be with anyone else until we graduated. We lost our virginity together, but now that doesn't matter to him. "Was she any good?" I ask slowly, acting as if it doesn't phase me. He looks back at me with question in his eyes. I arch my eyebrows, pretending I'm actually curious.

     "She's... Experienced." He says. I nod and smile at him.

     "Glad you had a good time." I whisper, looking down at my paper. The thing about us, he knows when I'm faking, and he always knows what's going through my head. I wish I could say the same about him.

     "She isn't physically capable to do what you did though. You will always be better in that category because you were my first." He lies. I smile up at him, playing off as if I believe him, and he turns around, falling for it. I do my work, finishing in minutes, and turn it in. I pack up and wait for the bell as I do everyday.

     When it rings I up and go to math, one of my most dreaded classes because I always see her on my way there. She's a grade under us, Amy, but Math is in their hall, so it's inevitable to see her on the way there and back. I push through the crowds of students, and run into my friend Jarrod, a tiny pale blonde boy I enjoy calling albino vampire just to piss him off.

     "Yosive Spidey." Says Jarrod. That's what he calls me. Well, that or Spider-Man. No, I'm not actually Spider-Man, but I'm a geek who tries to save everyone with my slick sarcasm. So...I'm Spider-Man.

     "Hey Albino Vampire." I say with a laugh. A fake laugh, but a laugh in itself. He looks at me, squinty red eyes and pale blonde eyebrows knitted together.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"Are you high?" I ask.

"Aren't I always?" He replies.

"Am I ever okay?" I say.

"Do you want me to beat his ass?" He jokes, pretending to be serious.

     "You do realize he'd beat you to the point there'd be nothing left but your blinding hair." I laugh, for real this time. This is why I'm close with Jarrod. He knows how to make me feel better. He nudges my shoulder as he goes into his class, and then I see her. Her long brown hair and short but thin figure laughing away with Jake at her side. I avert my eyes and keep walking with my head down. I hear Amy as I swiftly walk past them.

"Hey, speaking of the slut."

     And I hear Jake tell her: "stop being such a bitch. You know how I feel about that."

     Followed by her saying: "Well she should stop trying to steal you from me."

     And I turn around to face them, already in a bad mood, and scream over the hall: "Shut The Hell Up You Bitch!". This catches the whole hall's attention, but I'm not focused on that. I walk up to her, face to face, a growl forming in my throat. "You stole him from me!" I exclaim "You came in and ruined my happiness just as you always have since we were fucking kids! You have no right to call me a slut! The only guy I've ever fucked was your boyfriend!" I scream out, and her eyes grow into a piercing glare. Just as her fist is about to connect with my jaw, Jake steps in the way and takes the blow for me.

     "Jesus Christ!" He winces, rubbing his jaw. Amy throws her hands in his face and starts yelling about how he needs to stay out of it and how he needs to choose, but not once does she apologize.

     I stand behind him and write on his back with my fingers T-H-A-N-K-Y-O-U. I then turn around again and start walking to class. "Wait!" Amy calls out. I stop in my tracks, but don't turn around. "Jake," she says, "You need to chose now. Her or Me." Then just silence. I hold my breath, knowing what's coming.

     "Baby... I want to be with you." He says to her. Tears burn at my eyelids as I walk to class as calmly as possible. As I enter Coach Aderson's class, I'm greeted with hugs from Krissy and Bethany. They whisper to me I'll be okay. I don't cry. I just nod and take my seat, focusing my eyes on the board while my mind drowns in everything else.

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     Hey you guys! So this is something I'm working on. I already have six chapters written. I know. I know. I should be focusing on Looking At You, but with all the stuff going on right now, I felt more comfortable in writing this. I'm so sorry, but I promise that as soon as school lets out I will focus more on that book. As for this one, it's pretty twisted. But I really hope you enjoy it. LOVE YOU MY DARKLINGS!! Vote and stuff.