For Crying Out Loud

10: Relieved To Date

     Sierra's P.O.V

     "So you had no idea? No missed periods or sickness? Nothing?" I shake my head at the nurse's questions. She and I have been spending a lot of time together these past few days. I had the miscarriage three days ago, but for some reason I'm still here, alone in a crowded hospital.

     "When can I go home?" I ask, looking at the short, stalky woman with half-lidded eyes. I sleep a lot these days. I blame the medication they have me sedated on, but then again, it could be because I don't want to face reality.

     "Soon honey. The pills are out of your system, but we just want to make sure you're stable enough to leave here without... Coming back." She says slowly. I roll my eyes and sit up.

     "I'm fine. I just want to go home. I've been here for almost a week. I just found out I was pregnant, but now I'm not. It's my fault I lost the baby. I took those pills. I killed the child I didn't even know I had. I'm going to be depressed. Get over it. But I have a life outside this hell hole, okay? I need to go live it."

      "You tried to end it, Sierra." The woman says softly. I groan and fall back on my pillow. When will this end?

     "I know what I did. What I didn't do is die. It's over. I had a moment of weakness, but I'm okay now." She sighs and nods. Writing stuff down on her clipboard. I close my eyes, drowning in a pool of sedation. "I just want to go home." I whisper. Then I'm asleep... Again.

     When I wake up this time, mama is shoving stuff in a bag. I haven't talked to her since before the miscarriage.

     "They relieved you, so you can go home." Says mom, acknowledging my consciousness.

     "Good, I don't want to be here anymore." I sit up and begin to stand.

"You were pregnant. It was Jake's?"

"Yeah."

     "How could you be so careless? You're eighteen. You're graduating in a month. What would you have done with a child?" She hasn't turned around to face me, so I just rest my back against the bed and take a slow breath.

"It doesn't matter. I lost him."

"Him?"

"I imagine it was a boy."

"I see. Are going to tell Jake?"

"He probably already knows, and he probably doesn't care."

"Oh honey, I'm sure he cares. You should try to talk to him."

"He's made his decision, mom. He doesn't want to be part of my life anymore."

"Sweetie..." She looks at me sadly and sighs. "Do you want me to drive you home, or do you want to go alone? Jake left your car."

"I'll go alone, I got stuff to do anyway."

"The twins cleaned your car for you. All your friends have been trying they're best to help."

"I know mom. I have great friends."

"Yes you do. You also have a mother who loves you very much. I'll be at home. You're going to be okay." She kisses my forehead and leaves.

I grab my set of clothes off the bedside chair and go to the bathroom to change. After sliding my jeans and t-shirt on, I lace my high-tops and grab my phone.

I have a lot of missed calls and texts. I guess it's what happens when you try to kill yourself and don't check your phone for a week. I rummage through it all, listening to voicemails from people whom I haven't talked to in months. Then I come across a voicemail from Kayden. The last time we talked I was crying on his doorstep.

"Hey Sia, it's me. Kayden. Yeah, uhm Jake just dropped by. We kind of got into it. I didn't hurt him physically but emotionally he seems pretty beat up. I'm going to say this, and I don't want you to get angry, but I think it's best to just stay away from him. I know it bothers you to see the ones you care about hurt, but he did this to himself. I just ask of you not to go running back to him just so you can get hurt again. You know how it will end. You can't save everyone, so I hope you'll try to save yourself. I love you, hoping your doing okay. I'm here if you need me. Bye." I sigh and shove my phone in my back pocket. Kayden has always been determined to keep me from trying to save everyone. It's my fatal flaw I guess. I've always devoted myself to everyone else's happiness. Maybe it's time to focus on myself.

I knock comes from the door and I look over to see Precious standing there. Her smile is soft and bright, and her black hair tumbles against her shoulders in false curls. I smile back at her and she comes in.

"I heard you got relieved." She says as she sits on the bed. I begin to brush my red frizz out as I nod.

"Yep. Sweet freedom at last." I laugh. She giggles, revealing the dimples in her creamy brown cheeks.

"Are you going to be okay though?" She asks, fiddling with her slender fingers.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I just need to learn to accept the inevitable. I'm going to lose people. I can't control that." I look myself in the mirror, my gaze traveling to my stomach. I don't particularly think the whole losing-a-child thing has settled in yet. I believe I'm just in denile. That, or I've forfeited my ability to feel.

"It takes a while to make sense. All of the people disappearing and you can't seem to understand why. It hurts, I understand that. But I can tell you're strong. I think soon enough the pain will dull down."

"Bee sting?" I laugh. She giggles again, the dimples returning to her face as her lips spread into a gorgeous smile.

"Bee sting indeed." She grins. Then she coughs awkwardly and looks me in the eyes. "I wanted to ask you another question." She says. My eyebrow raises and she chews at her lip. "I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee or something sometime." She whispers, embarrassed.

I feel a faint, but very real, smile creep up at my cheeks. "Like a date?" I ask. She blushes and stands up.

"I mean, I understand if you don't go that way, but I'm interested in you. So yeah, like a date."

I consider this for a moment. I do like girls, that's a given, and she seems really sweet, yet alone gorgeous. Am I ready to go on a date though? I look her over, chewing at my lip in thought. "Yes." I say. "I'd love to go on a date with you."

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Uh ohhh. Looks like Sierra got a date, and Kayden seems a bit protective. WOOOOHOO!!! I'm done with testing. Just two more weeks and I'm done with the school year. Vote and Tell me what you think!! Love you my darklings!