For Crying Out Loud

37: I Let You Go

Sierra's P.O.V.

Boarding the plane, I received many stares from people noticing the anxiety running through my body. I clutched the letter tight in my gasp as I worked my way to my seat. I sat down and slowly ripped the seal, scared of what it might say. I took the letter out, and a pack of blue post it's fell out with it. I started to cry as I unfolded to letter.

Dear Sierra Paige,

If you are reading this, that means you got on the plane. I want to start by saying how proud I am of you for everything you have accomplished so far in life, and I know you will accomplish so much more. Your doing things worth doing. You, Sierra Paige, are somebody.

I told you about my recent obsession with doing things worth doing, and I've come to realize that most everything I've done was worth doing. Painting, laughing, crying, going on a surprise road trip that held me absent for a week, beating the shit out of your dad, and so much more. But the most worthy thing I have ever done was love you.

Do you remember the first day of middle school? You walked in to math class and you were shaking so bad. Seeing all the new faces. It's was scary. But you noticed me, as I did you. It started with random flirting, then turned into a friendship, then a best friendship, then one day at the river I saw you walking to the bonfire with your hair pulled back, and that's when I realized I was completely and hopelessly in love with you. There were small things that led to that moment, like when I found out about the bruises, or the jokes spilled over breakfast. I loved you from the moment I saw you. It just took time to realize that.

I remember dancing in the rain, and sitting on the porch and watching you write. I remember the all night movie marathons and the walks around the pond. I remember because, all of that, every moment with you, was worth doing. I messed up, and that sucks, but we still wound up finishing our days off here together, that had to mean something. I know it did. These last few weeks were worth having. Painting that mural, kissing you at graduation, writing this letter, all of that is worth doing. Loving you is worth doing.

For crying out loud, Sierra, how did we end up like this? I thought we would have a happily ever after. Then I fucked around, you tried to fucking kill yourself, and we lost the baby we didn't even know we had. I fought your dad. You fought Amy. We have always been trying to protect each other. But along the way of fighting for each other, we wound up fight against each other. It happened. All of it happened no matter how much we wish it was all just some bad dream. We are both fucked up, and I honestly don't know if I'm right about our paths crossing each other again. I hope so. I really do. But you know better than anyone, I don't believe in fait all to much.

Now, I had to do one last thing worth doing before I leave for the academy. This may even be more worthy than loving you Sierra. Loving you was easy, regardless of your argument to that statement. This, this may just be the hardest thing I've ever done, but I have to do it. I have to because it's not only worth doing, but it needs to be done. Otherwise, we will never be happy.

Sierra Shey Paige... I let you go.
Because otherwise, we will never be somebody. We will never be happy. We will never move on. We can't dwell on what might happen. We can hope, but don't dwell. I let you go. Because that's worth doing.

I love you.
Don't you forget about me.

- Jake Leonardo

My hear pounded in my chest as I wiped the tears from my eyes. I felt the plane lift into air, and I gripped the arm chair for dear life. My breaths run shallow as interpret everything in the slowest process possible. He let me go? He let me go. For Crying Out Loud, he let me go. I don't know if I should be in pieces, offended, hurt or If I should be relieved. Honestly, I feel a little bit of both.

The clouds swim past the window and I slowly begin to control myself. My emotions pouring out. I ask the fight attendant for a pen and grabbed the post it's. I write the words slowly, feeling them.

Jake Leonardo, I let you go.

_____~|~
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