For Crying Out Loud

4: For This Pain

Sierra's P.O.V
(Trigger Waring)
    If you've ever felt this feeling, then you know how hard it is to ignore it. You don't care about everyone else. You just want to stop hurting. I've had my self-harming past, but I've been clean for almost three years. Right now, it's not about self-harm. It's about suicide.    

     I drive home, shaking and shattering as I do. My mom isn't going to be home until late. I won't be able to tell her or anyone good-bye, but that's okay. They'll be fine without me.

     I pull into my driveway and park. I just sit there for a while, staring blankly at absolutely nothing. It's come to this I think to myself. A couple tears escape my eyes. I wipe them away quickly and heave myself out of the car. This is what I have to do to make it go away.

     It's not just Jake by the way. It's everything. These past couple months have been hell. My step dad left. My grandmother died. My dad showed up out of no where with excuses I didn't want to hear. The bullies won't stop. My friends keep disappearing or growing distant. Everyone I thought I knew, I didn't. I don't have the strength to fight that. Sorry Jade. Sorry everyone. I can't fly with broken wings.

     I walk into the house and pull out my phone. There is a load of messages from Jake.

Jake: Can we talk?

Jake:Please answer me.

Jake: I'm wish you could understand.

Jake: You're being a baby, it's not that big of deal.

Jake: I didn't mean that last message. I understand why you're hurting. I just want to talk.

Jake: Sierra please...

     I turn off my phone. I have nothing to say at this point. Used to, I'd call him when I felt like this. Now, he's the main reason.

     I walk to my bedroom and pick up the bottle of Prozac I have. Yes, I'm on anti-depressants. No, I don't really take them all that much. I open up the bottle and pour three into my palm, staring at them. I can't help but wonder why I feel so calm right now.

     I take those three, followed by three more. Then four, then five. Fuck it. I dump all thirty down my throat and sit down on my bed, grabbing my notebook and pen off the stand and writing away, this is what my suicide note said:

Dear whomever cares enough to read,

     I've reached my boiling point. I can't take anymore. My heart aches to much. I can't stop crying. I can't breathe. I don't know who to believe anymore. No one listens to my cries for help, and I've cried so many. But it doesn't matter now because I'm probably dead. The date was April 20, 2016 when I decided to do this. It had been crossing my mind so much lately, and I've had enough. I've already swallowed the pills and now I'm just waiting. I've reached my certainty. I'm done with this life.
    
You're probably wondering why, but I must tell you that the pain of my story will indeed die with me.

     I do not blame anyone, and neither should you. I made this decision. I killed myself. No one could hurt me more than I hurt myself. I'm so sorry. Goodbye friends, family, and enemies,  
- Sierra Paige

     I lay down and close my eyes, the pain in my stomach growing and growing. Everything goes fuzzy, and I feel something warm flowing from my mouth. My body begins to shake, and I fall out of bed, unable to control my movements. Tears sting at my eyes, as I finally open them. I feel hands on my shoulders and I can see the blurred face of Jake at my side just before my consciousness fades and I travel into the world between life and death.

________~|~
Short chapter, I know. I mainly just wanted this to remain in the emotions of attempting Suicide. Next chapter is Jake's P.O.V. I hope you enjoy. Vote. Tell me what thou thinkith. LOVE YOU MY DARKLINGS!!