THE THIRD P3RSON

•Chapter 5•

Patsy's is the go to place for me for when I need time for myself. If I'm stressed (or if I didn't eat breakfast because Amy was in the kitchen), I go somewhere I can pretend nothing is wrong.

I drive up to the parking lot, thanking the skies yet I haven't bumped into anyone from school when I come here. I've been coming here once and awhile since sophomore year. The cozy fireplace they have on the opposite side of the room where the books aren't placed makes everything so much better. I get out of the car, lock it, and head inside, welcoming the little bell that announces my presence. The air, as always, is filled with aromas of bread and candles. Everything has a color scheme of brown and black.

Peaceful is the word I would use to describe Patsy's.

The cute little restaurant has free wifi, too. They give you the password when you order and you could sit there as long as you are eating. I found it when I was walking around, coming "home" from school. I couldn't drive yet and I had little time to try and search for a good place to eat during lunch. Wandering gets me places.

"Hey, how are you? Could I get a buffalo burger with blue cheese dressing. Um, with fries and a mango smoothie?" I tell (more like ask) the guy behind the cash register, who wasn't looking at me in the eye.

The guy, a few years older than I am, tapps on the screen in front of him and nods. "That would be ten dollars and twenty seven cents. " I hand him the money. He passes the change back to me.

"That's it?" He asks.

This time, I nod.

"You want the smoothie first? The chicken has to be cooked so it'll take a couple minutes." He told me, in monotone voice staring at the screen, eyes bloodshot. He looks like he hasn't slept.

I feel ya, dude. I tell him mentally. I hope he hears me. Monsters keep me up at night too.

"Yeah." I tell him.

He nods and handed me my smoothie. I check his name tag. Nathaniel. I thank him. "I'll be waiting by the window."

As I'm turning around, I notice the little mug with a picture of a baby girl sitting right next to him. For some reason, it makes me stop.

"Uh," I say out loud, not knowing how to ask him who the girl is.

"That's my daughter." Nathaniel speaks up, eyes turning soft. He picks up the glass mug. I hear a few cents jingle in the mug but that's about it. "My boss gave me permission to ask for donations. She needs surgery. S-something, uh, about h-her heart."

My Catwoman shoes seemed to be glued to the ground. My words are swirling in my head and my tongue doesn't seem to work fast enough to say them.

"Is." My voice cracks. All I hear is the few customers talking and the sounds of the pots being clunked and clanged in the kitchen. I clear my throat. "Is the mother okay?"

Nathaniel speaks again. "My wife is fine, I guess. We can't afford the surgery so we're both working as much as we can. Ashlyn has been staying with her grandma sometimes during the week."

I look down at my change. This guy needs it. I pull out another ten dollars and hand it to him along with my change.

"That should be about thirty five? No. Thirty six dollars. I kinda have to buy some gas for my car but this is as much as I can give you about now." I tell him, feeling bad for this guy who's been here for who knows how long trying to get money for his daughter.

I watch Nathaniel's eyes water. Despite being a few years older than me, the lack of sleep makes him seem so much older. I hear a few people muttering behind me, probably the few customers left are paying attention to the only two people talking. "This... thank you. This is the most I've gotten in weeks. Some people don't even bother to listen."

I nod. "Trust me. It's amazing to see how hard you're working for the life of your daughter. Some fathers don't care as much to work as hard as you do."

"I work hard." He tells me, looking at the picture of the girl. He tears up and gives a shaky laugh. "Ashlyn and her mother are my entire life. A few hours of sleep sacrificed is nothing."

I give him a smile. "Just you wait until she starts talking. She's going to say gibberish but seeing her is going to make everything worthwhile."

"It already is." Nathaniel says, wiping his tears.

I ignore the pain in my chest.

"ORDER UP, N." A guy yells behind Nathaniel.

Nathaniel turns around, grabs my tray and smiles. "You don't know how much this means to me. Can I get your name? I would love to tell my wife about the teen who helped us."

"Julianna." I tell him, shaking his hand.

He holds up his name tag. "Nathaniel. But you can call me Nathan."

"I hope you raise enough money and that the surgery goes well." I tell him, picking up my tray and turning towards the windows.

The guy behind the register, Nathaniel, is still a better dad than my dad ever was. That guy was a dad who loves his daughter. Maybe I could help save a life of a little girl.

With that, I bite into my buffalo sandwich and let my mango juice sit by the window overlooking the beautiful scenery of trees and passing cars along with me.
---
Before I left, I made sure to tell Nathaniel bye and walked out the door. On the drive back to school, which wasn't that long, I admired Nathaniel for being so determined to get enough money for that surgery.

"My dad would never do something like that for me. He would for Emily but not for me. Never for me." I said into the air of the car. "I'm convinced he loves her more than he loves me."

No one is around to hear what I said. I've never said that out loud before. I would think they were thoughts that were spoken out loud, but it's more like a silent confession. I keep my eyes on the road, ignoring the pain that was returning to my heart that made me realize just how alone I was. No one was here to tell me the opposite. No one to tell me everything was going to be okay.

No one to tell me it's okay to feel like crying when I've been living with the same problem for two years now.

I let out a huge sigh, pulling back into school.

My beat up Chevy sits still when I get out. It stays unmoving without a person to give it a sense of direction. I make my way back to school, with all the yelling of other students coming back from lunch too.

I sigh. Anybody got a map? Anybody *maybe* happen to know how the hell to do this?

I wish there was a road map to say which way to go from here.

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