THE THIRD P3RSON

•Chapter 30•

"What'd Jadalyn say?" I looked up at Ryan, who had just stepped out onto the porch.

After I had frozen up, Jade gave Ryan a look and asked to speak to him privately. I excused myself to come outside. Ashley followed me to make sure I was alright but I told her I just needed some fresh air. Dean came out and was acting really strange. He apologized for being rude and was sorry that his girlfriend made him apologize instead of him acting on his own. He went inside with Ashley right when Ryan was finishing his talk with Jade. 

Ryan found me sitting with my knees up on the sofa that was on the porch outside. North Gale houses had enough space for them to have porches and balconies. Ryan sat down next to me but because there wasn't enough space for the both of us, we were squished together. I was distracting myself by looking for stars but only saw clouds. Pollution sucks. I shook my head.

Ryan hedged. "It's complicated to explain..."

He looked upset.

"Should I go?" I told him, clenching my hands at my sides.

His shoulder brushed against mine when he shrugged and I felt butterflies in my stomach. "Then I won't get to tell you what happened..."

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. My heartbeat wasn't following his usual rhythmic pattern and I didn't know which one I wanted more: to go home and avoid the inevitable talk with Ryan or to stay and possibly hear the hardcore truth. I was torn between the two options. My head was saying it was best to stay and my heart wanted to be blissfully ignorant. I thought it was time to settle with the one that was in the right. 

"Fine," I muttered after some time. I turned my head to face away from him. I looked at my hands as I said, "Go on. What happened?"

"I told her about Christina when she asked what Christina said when I confronted her about not talking to me. I told Jade Christina was as cold as always. If she didn't know, she wouldn't have asked me to do so much for her." Ryan laughed bitterly.

I held my breath, still facing away from him. How did Christina come up in a talk about significant others? Tears gathered in my eyes. This was crazy. I should have known better. It's true. Ryan always loved Christina. So, of course, he wouldn't look at anyone else.

Why in the world was I upset about what I already knew?

Even after everything, maybe Jade made him realize he still likes her.

"Hmm." I was shaking. I should leave. I shouldn't have asked in the first place. Why did I ask how it went? Why did he tell me?

Ryan, since he was sitting next to me, spoke close to my ear. "Hey, what's wrong? Are you cold? Want to go-"

"That's... not it." I interrupted, "I need to tell you something."

I didn't dare turn to face him. His thigh was pressed against mine. I had a bad feeling that I shouldn't say what I was thinking. For the first time, I wasn't listening to my head. I was listening to my heart. If he rejects me then I'll go back to how I was. I'll be fine. 

"Okay. Can't be worse then what we've been through." He nervously laughed.

I turned my head to face him to see how he looked when he said that. Did he mean it as a joke or something? Did-

We were close. Way too close. Even closer than we were when we went to the aquarium. We were closer than we were when I tripped over the flower pot. We were almost as close as we were when I was up against the car. I looked up and saw Ryan's eyes. Too close. Too close. Flames licked my cheeks and pink bloomed over Ryan's. Both of our eyes grew wide and I gave him a small smile. He turned away, slapping his hands over his cheeks in embarrassment. I sadly looked at Ryan, even when he turned away. Something told me if I said anything today, I wouldn't see him for a while. I'd go without seeing him again.

Even if that ended up happening, I just wanted him to know.

I covered my eyes with my hands feeling my tears.

Would he say he was just confused the whole time? Would he say that he was sorry, that I was a great person, that I'll go places, but just not with him?

Well, Julianna, it wouldn't be the first time.

It was only when I struggled to take in another breath that I felt Ryan move next to me. His shirt touched my arm and I shivered. I felt one of his hands reach for one of my hands that were covering my eyes. I didn't let him pry them off. I was scared.

I have to tell him.

"You h-have to promise me something. You have to p-promise that you won't go to Christina for anything anymore. She's made it clear she didn't care for you at all." I cleared my throat but it still felt tight. "I-I don't want you getting h-hurt."

As I said it, I let Ryan pry my hands away from my eyes. My dull brown eyes met his beautiful warm ones. I'm going to sound like every 'head over heels girl' in any book, Wattpad or not. When I say his eyes were the reason I wanted to faint as well as the anchor keeping me from doing so, I mean it with all of what was left of my heart. I guess I was lucky to get a chance to experience it. 

"Sure." He responded quietly. He thought for a while, his grip tightening on my wrists which was still in his warm hands. "B-but can you tell me why your crying? It's not because of what I said is it? Because I can deal with questions from Jade. She is trustworthy, although, sometimes her condition gets in the way. I've learned-"

My sudden bubble of laughter made Ryan stop. "Ryan, I just..." Deep breaths, Julianna. You can do this. "Say 'I promise' first. Please?"

I saw Ryan smile nervously and I squeezed my eyes shut so hard it was impossible to see any light. Well, any light from the moon since it was late.

I heard him whisper "I promise."

I said the seven words I never thought I would ever say in my entire life. I never, in a million years would think I would say this with so much emotion and be in a position where it would scare me so much. 

"I really, really like-like you. A lot more than I thought I would."

When everything was quiet, I didn't want to open them. I knew it!  All I heard was a sharp intake of breath come from Ryan. He moved but I still didn't open my eyes. This is it. A good thing that came into your life will be leaving you again. Might as well stay to see how things play out since your brain looks like it has been shut down, Julianna.

"Julianna, can you please look at me?" He pleaded.

He didn't sound sorry but I wasn't going to take my chances. I shook my head, trying to pull my hands out of Ryan's reach. His grip was firm. Why do I put myself through this?

"Julianna." He pleaded once again. "Please?"

Goodness. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. Better get it over with. My eyes needed to adjust. By opening them after squeezing them shut I saw black spots everywhere. Ryan came into focus and he was smiling. He touched his forehead with mine.

"Why you would doubt how much I've fallen for you, Julianna? Hm?"

D-did I hear that-?

After looking like a fish out of the water for a solid minute, with my eyes wide open, I said,"But you talked to Jadalyn about how heartbroken you were about Christina."

He shook his head and I felt it against mine. Pulling me even closer, he made sure I was looking him in the eye when he said, "I wasn't heartbroken after what happened with Christina because it didn't feel that bad compared to how it felt when we didn't talk. I like you, Julianna, a lot more than I liked Chr-"

I pushed myself forwards and grabbed Ryan's face in my hands. "God, Ryan."

I kissed him. While smiling and having tears in my eyes, I kissed him with everything that I had. I both ignored and embraced every ounce of nerves I had. All the butterflies were burning up and replaced with flickering flames. I laughed and I felt Ryan do the same. I moved my head to the side and felt Ryan move on the seat.

Finally, I wanted to cry. This is happiness. This is joy.