THE THIRD P3RSON

•Chapter 33•

"Julianna, it's not that I don't think you won't do it. It's that I really don't want you sleeping at the wheel or driving there alone." Ryan a look in exasperation. "I talked about it with Grey. Everything is planned out. "

"I don't understand, Ryan. " What was he talking about?

"I don't know how to say it. I mean, you could take a plane instead of travelling thirteen hours to see me, if you wanted." He gulps and it makes me nervous.

"Ryan, you're kinda making me nervous."

He sighs. "Okay. So, I kinda like- really like the idea of seeing you whenever we can. I just don't want to tie you down to me. I mean, technically, we just became official a half hour ago? I think. I don't want to jinx anything but I'm hoping it lasts longer than just college. It's okay if you don't think the same and really do want to leave right now but there are other things to experience with someone who likes you romantically." He makes a sound of frustration.

I give him a small smile. I give him a hug to calm him down. When I step back, Ryan still stays close.

"If the job is what you think will help you more than what college will offer you, go ahead and do it."

We're grown ups. We can handle life. Ryan and I know that life is difficult and that all good things come to an end. I understand that. He understands that.

Don't tell him but sometimes he spikes my worry up towards the roof because of how he hedges when he speaks.

Ryan looks up towards the cloudy sky. "I thought this was so easy to say."

Awe. He's worrying again. I take his hand, walking forwards, while shaking my head. I try to soothe his worries by saying, "Don't sweat it, Ryan. Yes, I wanted to ask you a few things because plans are changing but I got a general idea that I'm fine with. Road trips to Oregon are a no because the money I've saved up are going to go towards finding food. Plane tickets could work out. Things will happen. Other things won't. We both know how life is."

"That's only part of what I want to tell you. Julianna, I just-" I hear another groan of frustration from Ryan and I feel guilty about putting him in a position where he doesn't think he can express himself the right way towards me.

"Don't stress too much, Ryan. Really. All I wanted to know is if you'd be with people you were familiar with when you got the job." I pause a moment before saying,"I honestly thought you had second thoughts about the colleges you were going to and weren't going to tell me."

I turn the corner once again. Ryan is still debating what to say and my mind just wouldn't shut up. It felt like it needed to fill the silence but every time I spoke, it seemed like I was pressuring Ryan further. Why do I wreck every good thing that comes my way?

A car beeps and I jump. The driver yells at someone on the apposite end of the street and drives away. Ryan pulls on my arm right as I'm about to turn another corner. I almost crash into him.

"Okay." He starts. "You've made it clear how you felt. I'm going to come right out and say that I don't want you to disconnect from me because we are both living our separate lives. You love Grey and Stacy-which I'm pretty sure will be come my aunt in a year or two- and they both love you. My uncle knows how to judge people's characters. He likes you. I like you. So, I won't let you feel alone and I won't let myself feel like I can't be selfish enough to keep you. So, you're stuck with me, Pretty Girl. You're stuck with me for a while."

"Project or no project, you've always been perfect, Ryan." I smile. "You made a Robot smile with just the sight of you."

What I said was true and I guess he was right to call me a robot. What have I done to show that I had a heart? Ryan wraps his arms in a hug that made me forget how to breathe.

"Oh, Julianna." He releases me and grins. "I'm tired."

That was random but, then again, Ryan is known to be unexpected. I squint at him, feeling like this was a but of a joke. "Tired of what?"

He places a hand over his forehead like he's checking if he has a fever or not. I watched him. What a clown. "Being perfec-"

"Oh, please." I laugh.

"You're just jelly." Ryan sticks out his tongue at me like the childish kid he is and tries to hide his smile.

"But you never were!" I kid.

He scoffs while putting an arm around me. "Tell that to my fan club back at school."

I can't handle him sometimes.

"Oh, okay. I'll be sure to tell the blue, pink, and purple ponies that you have a club now." I mock.

Without looking, I know that his ears turned red. I have no doubt he was taking his time to recover. "I tried playing nice but..." He leans down and, like the sneaky little thief he is, steals a kiss.

I really can't handle him.

With Ryan, some days have been low, some days were serious. Even with all the negativity of the world, it's nice to have someone to rant to about the things that bother you and not having to worry about hurting you. Ryan doesn't pull away and I don't do anything to stop him for a while.

I've waited a long time to find someone who would be able to handle everything that is me.

When I start to lose my breath, I weakly try to push him away when all I wanted was for him to be closer. I feel Ryan's smile against my lips. Guess he's not "tired" anymore.