warm | poetry

10 // i'm a mess around you

"You know, you're so confusing and I should have already said goodbye..
But just when I'm about to lose it, you turn this around and do it to me one more time.."

I'm so done with you, man.

You say you didn't want to give me false hope, but you did.

My friends warned me, I didn't listen.

Honestly, I'm not mad, I'm not sad either.

I don't know what to feel.

I don't feel hollow, I don't feel empty.

I feel..

nothing.

I sat there then, staring at the words popping up on my screen as we spoke.

"We're both going our separate ways," you told me.

Fair enough; with university approaching, I couldn't and still can't see myself with you in my life.

"I don't want you to wait for me or anything, just do what you want and don't let me hold you back."

I couldn't be mad at you no matter how hard I tried.

I saw it coming from the start and here I am.

A living, breathing excuse of a heartsick girl wanting to be loved.

They say you become wiser as you age, based on the experiences you've had over the years.

Then, tell me.

Why do I still foolishly believe that love is possible?

Why do I still open my heart up to people who just won't do the same?

I'm a fool.

A damn fool.

My friends did warn me after all, right?

"I can't see you as anything more than a friend, and I am sorry for that."

"I'm not good at talking."

"I prolonged it as much as I did."

"I keep hurting people and I don't want to."

I know, sweetheart.

I know.

I guess this is goodbye.

(I'm gonna take a damn break from men. It's getting exhausting, plus I need to focus more on school, anyway.)