warm | poetry

9 // said i was done with you, but i just can't run from you

"You'll just go and walk away with all your friends..
We'll just leave without saying goodbye again.."

(I JUST STARTED LISTENING TO CIMORELLI AGAIN AFTER YEARS AND MY EARS HAVE BEEN BLESSED; ALSO: LISA CIMORELLI, GET ME SOME WATER FOR MY THIRST, I MEAN, DAMN)

Okay, so what?

So what if I've had a crush on you for Lord knows how many years?

I can't control my feelings.

I thought I gave up on you, I really did.

Never in my 17 years did I think that I would fall for you again.

I put us,

or whatever this was that we had,

on pause for over two years,

falling for two other people along the way,

getting over them as quickly as I fell for you,

and that took a while.

My heart bounced between you three,

but it always came back to you.

Talking to you made my heart flutter, but..

"Protect yourself,"

a friend of ours told me.

"He's not a gangster," she insisted.

I couldn't,

and still can't,

figure you out.

What does your silence mean?

I know you're quite bad with things like

love and freedom.

You told me that you're too shy to speak to me in person,

so hiding behind your screen is easier.

I can agree with that, fair enough;

but..

What do you think of me?

Looking at you

and your smile

still sends butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

A friend of ours started to

crush on you.

I couldn't,

and still can't,

hate her for it.

She texted you again

after that hangout double date thing.

You replied.

Both of you spoke for hours and hours.

I ignored you then.

I avoided you,

and frankly,

I still am.

Dammit,

I hate how much control you have over my emotions

and you're so goddamn oblivious to it all.

I want to wait for you like you said you would for me,

but will you, really?

Because I most certainly can't.

I'm sorry.

I'll try, but I can't promise you.