warm | poetry

20 // i like me better when i'm with you

this is the happiest i've been in years.

i guess you could call me lucky.

people define home in a number of ways.

home can be a place, a memory, where one feels safest.

i found my home in people.

while i did have one in high school,

things were different.

my friends were my escape,

an alternate route and exit to the suffering i endured during the day.

i spent barely an hour daily with them,

classes varying,

events coming along.

despite the completion of said events,

even then we were all so fucking busy.

i was still closeted in high school,

only a small number of individuals knowing i was bi.

coming to uni,

i managed to form a new mold.

i managed to molt from the skin i was buried in for so many years,

breaking free of my smaller, quieter past self.

obviously, i missed home, but...

i was proud.

proud to be me.

okay with being me.

i stopped being so angry for being myself

and accepted it,

embraced it, even.

i laughed harder for the few months that i've been in uni than all my years in high school.

i miss you, of course i fucking do.

i miss our smiles,

your hugs,

your constant reassurances.

but i'm okay here.

i am.