Joe, We Need To Talk 》 Trohley

|| ⅔ Ain't Bad ||

Andy's P.O.V

I wake in the early hours of the morning. I have the feeling back. The feeling in my chest. The one that scares me.

I feel Joe's arms wrapped around me, forcing me to be the little spoon. He makes me feel better.

Do you really think he loves you?

Shit. The thoughts are back. Please no.

You're a fucking faggot, Andrew. You're a disgrace to your family. Your father would be ashamed!

Why are they back? Why can't my thoughts leave me alone?

He's just gonna leave you. He's gonna leave you, and you know it. As if he actually cares about you. As if anyone cares about you.

A tear slips down my cheek, falling onto Joe's bare chest. I try my hardest to blink them away, trying not to awaken him.

I then bury my head into his chest. The poisionous thoughts continue to flood my mind.

Stop digging yourself a hole, Andrew. You're getting so attached to him. But, for what? For him to leave you? He even said himself he doesn't do dick. What's wrong with you!?

My thighs then become irrataed. They always become irratated like this right before I do it. Before I tear my skin apart.

I softly sneak my way out of Joe's grip, making my way to the bathroom. I open my packet of razors, and break apart one.

That's it, Andrew. Break the razor. Tear your skin apart. It's the only way you'll feel better.

I finally break the final part of the razor that is between me and the blades. Once it's broken, I pull down my pants, and sit on the toilet.

I press the blade against my skin, and drag it across. My skin splits in two as my blood starts to drip out.

Perfect. Now, go deeper. No one will know, and no one will care.

I listen to my thoughts, the blade going deeper and deeper into my skin.

This is what I deserve. I deserve this pain. This is what I get for being gay. This is what I get for being a disgrace to the Hurley name. This is what I get for being alive.

Now, go over to the medicine cabinet. The pills that you're allergic to are in there. Two of them, and you're gone. That's what you want, right? For the pain to end? Here's your opportunity.

I walk over the medicine cabinet, a complete zombie to my brain. I grab the pills, and pour four into my hand.

I fill up a cup of water. My whole body wracks in fear. I'm about to do this. I'm about to go through with it. I'm about to end it.

I pop the pills into my mouth. I reach my hand gripping the cup of water to my mouth and –

"ANDY!" Joe screams, knocking the cup of water out of my hand.

Joe opens my mouth, and takes the pills out, flushing them down the toilet.

Tears cascade down my face as I drop to my knees. I can't believe I nearly did it. I curl up into my knees, not wanting to face Joe. He probably hates me, now. He probably wants to break up with me now. Who would want to date someone who just attempted suicide?

Joe sits beside me, draping his arm around my shoulders. He then pulls my into his chest, embracing me in a tender hug. He rubs my back, as he kisses the top of my head. I cry into his chest as my body wracks in time with my sobs.

"Why did you do it?" Joe asks, his voice cracking.

The fact that his voice cracked on the verge of tears breaks my heart. I made him feel like that. I'm such a fuck up!

"I didn't," I sob.

"Fine. Why did you almost do it? The pills were in your mouth, and you were about to swallow them," he chokes.

I continue to cry, as he tightens his grip around me. His touch immediately makes me feel better. He makes me feel safe.

"That feeling came back, followed by the thoughts. The poisonous thoughts. And I just want the pain to end, Joe. No one would care anyways," I cry.

I feel a tear fall onto my hair. I look up, and see Joe crying. Was that because of me?

"I'd care," Joe chokes, his voice trying to hide the fact of him crying. "I love you so much, Andy. Please don't do this again. I can't live without you,"

I cry into his chest, as he cries into my hair. He holds my wracking body, as I do his.

"I just wanna be okay," I whisper.

"You will be," Joe says, matching my tone. "You know the best way to make it through with hearts and wrists intact is to realize two out of three ain't bad. And it isn't. Just hold on if you feel like letting go. It gets better than you know. I'm always here for you, baby. Always."

Joe then stands up, picking me up with ease. He holds me bridal style as he carries me into my room. He places me on the bed, as he lays down. I cuddle up to his chest, as he holds me in his strong, loving arms.

"Just hold me," I whisper. "Hold me and don't let me go."

"I won't," he promises. "I'll hold you forever if you need. I love you,"

"I love you more, Joe."

"And I love you most."

Song - I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You)
Album - Infinity On High

A/N - well, this was a long chapter, and emotional af to write.

Anyways, its been ages since I've updated, and I'm super sorry. My wifi has been really shit and not loading, and I went away on holidays, so yeeeeah. The updates are going to be really slow, but there will probably be like two chapters each time, giving that I have ideas because I get mad writers block all the fucking time.

I'm really sorry, and I hope you guys can forgive me, not hate me and enjoy the book whenever it is updated.

Stay Street ✌
Stay Alive |-/