Last Hope (Kellin Quinn) {Book 3}

3. kisses

Kisses

Song: I Caught Myself by Paramore

Now when I caught myself I had to stop myself…

~Summer~

"Destery, I promise nothing happened! Why can't you just believe me?"

"He was in your bedroom!"

"I was showing it to him! He's visiting right now so he wanted to come over and see the girls. I wanted to show him my finished room since I worked hard on it."

"How long is that dick staying?" Destery hissed. He was being overdramatic for nothing! First he stormed out of my house as if he just walked in on Kellin kissing me. Then, he wouldn't talk to me for twenty-four hours. Now he's causing a scene in Starbucks. 

"He's not a dick!" I agrued. "He's a wonderful father, funny friend, and an all around sweet guy. I'm sorry you saw him in my room, but that doesn't mean that-" My phone, which was laid screen-down on the table next to my coffee cup, vibrated. I had a text. I checked to see what it said and who sent it. 

you want to hang out later today? My hotel room? We could watch Mama :D 

"I bet it's from Kellin, huh?" Des groaned. 

"God, shut up!"

"I'm right, aren't I?" I looked Destery in the eyes before sighing. I'm not going to lie and say he was incorrect. He's already mad over Kellin in my room. 

I nodded. "Yes, you are right. I'm sorry you didn't know he would be over. I promise I didn't do anything with him. We didn't kiss or anything, I swear. Please forgive me Des."

I watched his face as he decided whether nothing was nothing or nothing was something. It's stupid of me to be begging for forgiveness, especially since I technically did nothing wrong. I know. But I love Des, I don't want him mad at me, and I really don't want to be dumped. He's been there for me, supported me, complimented me, cheered me on, made me laugh, and so much more. I can't let all of that go down the drain just yet. This is a little, dumb fight that we'll get over. Why not be the bigger person and try to get over it now?

"Fine," Destery exhaled. "I forgive you. And I'm sorry for calling Kellin a dick. His ego may be big, but I'm sure he's pretty nice once you really get to know him."

"He is," I promised. 

"Okay. So, what did he text you?" he wondered. 

I shrugged. "Nothing too important. He just asked if he could watch Della and Allix in his hotel room. He has movies and new toys he got today so he wants the girls to come hang out," I lied. 

On my way to his hotel I can pretend that I picked the girls up from their babysitter's house to bring them to Kellin's. When I get there we can hang out and watch that silly horror movie he's been continually rambling about. He hasn't seen it before and says he think's we'll both like it from what the trailor showed, though I doubt that one hundred percent. Anyway, after hanging out I'll pick the girls up and head home. Des will never know. 

Yes, I shouldn't be sneaking around behind my boyfriend's back to hang out with my ex. Yes, I shouldn't be lying to him about what will be happening regarding Kellin, Della, Allix, and myself. But this is my only way to keep him and Kellin around, so it is the only way I can do this. 

"Okay. I hope they have fun. I'll be over at your house around seven tonight to hang out with you and the twins. I'll text you soon." Des stood up, brushing the nothingness off of his coat. "I love you." He leaned down to kiss my lips quickly. 

His kisses were like nothing else in the entire world. I'm not saying that they were the best. The only kisses I think are the best are the ones I get on my cheeks from my daughters. It's like having little angels gracing your skin. My daughters are perfect, so no wonder their kisses are too. 

"I love you back," I mumbled as he pulled away. I watched him as he left Starbucks and quickly walked to his car. 

He changed so much. He's gotten so overprotective, needy, and dramatic. His best friend is a female and I don't get jealous! I trust him, though I know I shouldn't. No offense to her, but Bryarly, Bry for short, is known to be a "loose" and "easy" girl. At twelve she lost her virginity to one of her showing friends, since Bry is into fairs and agriculture. Since then she really hasn't cared about how personal and loving sex is supposed to be. Since she was sixteen she's been going out during the weekends to parties and clubs. Now she's almost twenty-two, bisexual, has her own "personal" sex video (involving her, another girl who I won't name, and one of her many ex boyfriends), drinks a lot, and pretends to be famous. The last one is worse than it sounds. She runs a blog where you see the video and some pictures of her not completely dressed. This is all information I got from Aurora. God knows Destery would never speak of him perfect best friend like that. 

My point is if anyone in our relationship should be worried it should be me. Kellin doesn't have sex videos, pose almost naked for random photographers, flirt with everyone wearing leather at a club, and sleep around. Bry does. She's also sassy. If you call her Bryarly or pronounce Bry as Bree she'll go on a four minute rant. If you make a joke about Destery she'll call you a bully, even if you were just messing. If you ask her about her work or studies she'll sarcastically tell you about how you're job is so important. This is all based off of my one and only meeting with her. 

It's like the poem says…

Go ahead and hide behind your fabricated face. 
I know you've got plenty of them,
Don't let them go to waste. 

The mask of innocence that you paint on for all to see
Is just another pathetic means 
To hide your jealousy. 

The truth is in the way that you continue to pretend. 
You cross your fingers behind your back 
And swear you are the victim. 

I have to be the bearer of bad news, my little friend,
But all your efforts were in vain,
I'm the victor in the end. 

So run along and tell them that I'm a desperate 
Whore.
Because every lie that rots your lips
Is everything you are.

In short the poems basically says You are a whore.

I'm not saying Bry is a whore, but I'm not saying she isn't either. Like I said, she's loose and easy. She's the kind of person to never settle down, to always live the party lifestyle. That's the kind of person people in relationships should worry over. 

I texted Kellin quickly, telling him I was on my way. 

----

When I got to his hotel room Kellin was quick to open the door. He was in the middle of a FaceTime date with his baby Scarlett and was more than happy that I joined. After he said bye to Scarlett, and Beth since she was watching the three-year-old, we got comfortable on the bed. We began to watch Mama, me jumping at every little thing, him laughing at me… just like old times. Really, really old times. I was reminded of the time we watched It. God, I hate that stupid fucking clown movie. 

Around the part in the movie where the flashback happens, where Mama takes her baby from the nuns then kills herself and her child, I scooted extra close to Kellin on the bed. That part is the creepy! She kills her own baby! And a nun! And herself! 

Kellin could tell the part was odd, scary, and horrible to me. One, the facial expressions that I went through in those few minutes weren't natural ones. Two, he knows how I am about self inflicted death and child abuse, even if this is just a movie. Three, how can you be calm when Mama drives what likes to be a huge nail into an innocent nun? 

The movie ended terribly, setting off the whole entire thing for me. I thought I would have nightmares forever after the end, but once the ending came all my fears went away. The ending was kind of like the ending in the Woman in Black, only shittier. In the Woman in Black the characters return a dead child to it's mother who committed suicide. In Mama the characters did the same thing. In the Woman in Black an adult and his young son died. In Mama the littlest girl and Mama jump off a cliff. Guess what! They died! If you haven't watched the movie yet, don't. If you have, I feel bad for you. I know I feel bad for myself and Kellin. 

When the credits began to roll Kellin got up to turn of the DVD player. We spent half a second looking at each other before cracking up. I rolled around on the bed, looking for a good pillow to bury my face in, while Kellin leaned against the TV and held his stomach. 

"God, that ending was not good!" Kellin breathed in between laughs. 

I nodded, my throat hurting from laughing so loud. "Agreed!"

Kellin crawled onto the bed as his laughter died down. He wrapped his arms around my body and let me bury my face into his neck. I was still giggling at the ridiculous ending. Remind me to stop watching movies with this boy. Or at least remind /me/ to pick out the movie we watch. I'd make sure it wasn't crap. 

My laughter soon enough died down completely. Kellin and I stated cuddled up together in silence for awhile. After some time he rolled over to grab his phone off the nightstand and quietly play music. He turned it to Imagine Dragons Radio on Pandora and together we listened to Radioactive. We both moved on the bed so we laid flat on our backs and stared at the ceiling. We moved our head together to the beat, which made us giggle some more. 

"Hey," Kellin mumbled. 

"Yeah?" I turned my head towards him. 

"You remember dancing at our wedding?" he asked with a smirk. 

"Of course I do! It was so much fun!" I smirked back. 

"Which dance was your favorite?" He looked so serious, but also so very cocky. I decided to play along. 

"Our first dance as husband and wife," I whispered. 

He leaned closer to me. I felt his breath on my lips. "Mine too."

Then we kissed, and the world stopped. It didn't matter that I cheated, or that he hasn't broken up with Alissa yet, or that we divorced for a reason. It just… felt right, so we did it. When we finally did catch ourselves in the act of cheating I stopped myself. 

So many things crossed my mind. I couldn't do this because I'm with Destery. Kellin and I are divoriced, we shouldn't be kissing. Is Kellin still with Alissa or not? I'm sure he is, but you never know! Why would I care though? Why wouldn't I? 

"I'm sorry," Kellin suddenly whispered. 

"Why?" I asked. 

"I shouldn't have kissed you, you're with Dest-"

"I'm with you," I blurted out. 

"What?"

"It's always been us, you know. I just…"

"What about Destery? Or Alissa?" he wondered. 

"Why don't we try… us again? Maybe like a test run date? We need to do something about these feelings, Kells. Why not find out the truth in us?"

He rolled onto his back and shrugged. "I don't know. I guess we should, right?" The way he pretends to do the right things makes me smile. I think he's always been the sort of 'innocent rebel' type. 

I grinned, knowing I got my way. We can try the date, see how it goes, see how we feel, then go from there. It's a well thought plan… as long as Des doesn't find out. 

A/N: Maybe someday these chapters will get longer. And better. But not today. Anyway, ten comments from you lovely people please. Thank you so much to all of you! I love you all. 

P.S. You guys should follow me on Instagram. My user is @_the_most_epic_fangirl_ :)

~Catt