A/N: This is dedicated to HawaiianKidKiwi for making the awesome cover. :)
Texts
Song: Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons
I really fucked it up this time...
~Summer~
I've been embarrassed many times before. My earliest memory is embarrassing; it's of me in the bath with my underwear still on and my aunts and uncles watching me. My first dance was embarrassing, my middle school graduation was embarrassing, prom was embarrassing, and so on. I've wet the bed at a friend's house, got walked in on by my mom, walked in on River's parents, walked in on Ian's parents, and so much more. Blu calls me unlucky because I fall, trip, stumble on words, and randomly have spasms at the worst times.
But nothing, and I mean nothing, is as bad as this. Everyone saw. I ruined something at was one of a kind. I embarrassed myself in front of Kalel, twenty people I don't know, the workers at the store, and my mom.
I should start from the beginning, shouldn't I? Well, it all started when I went out with my mom and Kalel. Two days ago they came to visit me. My mom came for obvious reasons, and she took Kalel along to get to know me better. Why? I don't know.
I decided to take them out to lunch then shopping. I needed to shop for a dress for my "date" with Kellin, so I thought I'd take them along so they could shop too. Obviously they don't know I'm going on a date with Kellin, I just told them I wanted a new dress. That's not the important part this story though. Kellin doesn't even have anything to do with it. It doesn't have anything to do with Kalel or Mom either.
Our story has to do with me, some blood, a beautiful dress, laughter, and the Emergency Room.
Kalel, my mom, and I walked into the clothing store specifically known for its unique items. The store owners and worker sold many things, but their most famous articles of clothing were there dresses. The shorts were alike, as were the shirts, but every dress was different. No dress was the same size and style. The only thing was that they were expensive.
We all looked through the dresses, telling each other which ones were pretty or not. "Look at this one!" Kalel would exclaim. "This would look so cute on you," Mom would murmur. I wasn't into any dresses until Kalel called me over to a ton of cream colored ones.
"I saw this one," she pointed to a dress on a rack, "and thought you'd like it." The dress was almost white and covered in lace and gems. You could definitely tell that the dress was handmade because it looked like it took a long time to make. Plus it was very expensive. I didn't want to buy it because of the price, but I did try it on since it was my size.
Once I pulled the dress on I stepped out of the dressing room and modeled for Mom and Kalel. I spun around, posed, and even strutted. When I looked at myself in the dress I feel in love. It was like a short wedding dress designed for a springtime wedding. I bet it'd look good with TOMS...
Out of nowhere my head began to hurt and I felt dizzy. I stumbled back into the dressing room, closed the door, and sat on the bench. I felt too weak to take the dress off and change back into my clothing. I rested my elbows on my knees and my head in my heads. "Ow," I had hissed. Then I felt nothing. My headache stopped and I was slowly gaining my strength back. I leaned back with my eyes shut and breathed in and out.
I didn't worry again until I felt something wet leaking through the bodice of the dress. I looked down and saw blood. A trail of blood down my neck and onto the dress. I quickly looked into the mirror and noticed I had a nose bleed. A bad one.
I didn't know what to do. It wouldn't stop! I pressed my jacket to my nose over and over again, but it kept bleeding. I didn't even care that I had ruined my jacket; my nose was fucking around so much that I couldn't care less about my clothes. After ten minutes I called for my mom. I opened the door to her gasping.
"Summer!" she muttered. "You ruined that dress!" And as soon as those words left her mouth the whole store was suddenly by my side.
I began to sob. "I know Mom! Forget the dress for a second. My nose won't stop b-bleeding."
I felt like a spider. I was suddenly hated by most people around me, especially the owners of the place I chose to inhabit. Everyone was after me, as if I spun a web in front of the door, blocking everyone from entering the place without getting web on them. Wow, what a wonderful analogy.
"You just ruined the dress I made!" a worker shouted at me. "Do you have any idea how long that took me to make! No, you don't! I hope you realize that you are buying that! I want all five hundred dollars now!" Aside from her, others could be heard as well.
"She looks disgusting..."
"I think she's sick."
"I can't believe she just fucked up that dress!"
"Someone needs to take her to the ER."
And someone did. I tore off the dress, wrote the worker a check, and hopped into my car with Mom and Kalel. I held my jacket up to my face as Mom drove me to the Emergency Room.
My sobs grew louder as we drove. "I c-can't believe I just ruined that dress! Everyone was either l-laughing o-or making some ru-rude comment. I'm so sorry you guys..."
My mom exhaled. "It's okay."
"No it's not! That was the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me. I'm sorry."
"It's okay." I looked back in the car to see Kalel smiling at me.
When we got to the ER we spent about three hours there. The doctor there, Dr. Castro, stopped the bleed. He has also ordered some tests to be done. He is worried about the bleed and says it's very possible for the unimaginable to occur.
I sent out two texts to my former band mates, River (even though he can't reply), Trent, Steve, and Hailee. The first one read out:
You will not believe what happened at the clothing store! I got a nose bleed and ruined a one of a kind $500 dress :(
And of course the replies were...
From Blu Vera: OMG are you ok? That's so embarrassing!
Yeah, thanks for pointing that out.
From Ian Butthead: lol how many people were there?
From River:
From Zack Attack: Damn.
From Stevie Squeezie: That sucks :( you okay?
From Trent-Balllllls: I'm srry :/
From Hailee Dallas Texas: Are you ok???
My second text read out:
Im fine now, but the nose bleed wouldn't stop. I had to go to the ER. Im taking tests soon enough to see if I have cancer.
And their moods suddenly changed.
From Blu Vera: Oh. I feel so bad now :(
From Ian Butthead: oh my god I'm so sorry. I didn't know...
From River:
From Zack Attack: I'm sorry babe:(
From Stevie Squeezie: The wife and I are praying for you <3
From Trent-Balllllls: I'm sorry :( it'll be OK.
From Hailee Dallas Texas: Babe, don't worry. It'll all be fine. You're a happy, healthy mother. Cancer won't take you from me or your beautiful babies :)
Not without a fight at least. Cancer won't take me. I can take it and beat it, if I even have it. I pray to God that I don't.
When we got home I paid the babysitter for watching my girls an she left. I went into my bathroom to take a shower while my mom and Kalel were with the girls. I undressed, let my hair down, and looked at myself in the full length mirror I owned. My thigh gap was getting larger, my stomach looked flatter, and my breasts looked... smaller? I know I'm not doing this to myself. I have overcome anorexia more than once, I'm not going back to that. I'm stronger now. I want to help whoever is going through it, not go through it myself. Especially not go through it when I don't even realize I have it. Something is really fucking up around here. Is it me, though? What did I honestly do?
My phone vibrated on the bathroom counter. I looked to see what it said.
From Kellin Q: Roses are red
Violets are blue
Nothing else matters
When I'm with you
You are my sunshine
You are my love
You are my angel
From heaven above
I'm lucky to have you
Though you do deserve better
I'm still grateful to say
Always and Forever
I smiled weakly at the words. My embarrassing moment that kept replaying in my head vanished as I thought about the future. Maybe if I have to go through this than Kellin will be there by my side. Lets just hope the text is true.
A/N: Hey guys. I'm sorry it took me so long to update. Ten comments please. I love you all.
Oh, also don't use the poem in this chapter without crediting me. I wrote it up myself, and it was a long five minutes that I spent writing it. Bye guys.
~Catt
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