Last Hope (Kellin Quinn) {Book 3}

12. meeting

A/N: Sorry for errors.

Meeting

Song: Amelia by Tonight Alive

Earth's just not the place for an angel like you…

~Summer~

The next day I was wheeled into a room with fourteen other females. Everyone was in a circle. An open spot was left for me next to Dr. Carson, the therapist in charge of the meetings. 

"Go around the circle and tell us about yourselves," ordered Dr. Carson. "We can start with Summer since she is new and then go counterclockwise."

"I'm Summer," I told them with a sigh, "and I'm here for cancer treatment. I'm twenty-nine and I'm in the main hospital, possibly the mental health center soon enough." 

I looked to my right and saw a skinny blond ready to speak. "I'm Ana. I'm here today because of health and weight problems. I'm nineteen and I'm the main hospital and the rehab center." Wow, I was shocked. Nineteen? I thought fifteen at the most! Holy hell. 

"I'm Mia," said the next girl. "I'm here because of the same reasons as Ana, well… almost the same. I'm twenty-two and I'm in the same areas as Ana." Again, I was shocked. Twenty two? I was thinking seventeen. 

The next girl, one with poorly cut brunette hair and worn out clothes, spoke. "My name is Perry. I'm freaked out by everything-" Perry suddenly twitched. "-and I'm thirty. I'm in the mental health center… I think." 

The next girl, a tiny blond, whispered, "I'm Annie. I'm seventeen and in the mental health center for severe anxiety."

The next girl in line was busy looking around the room to notice that it was her turn. Dr. Carson had to basically shout at her to get her to pay attention. "Oh, it's my turn? Well, I'm Addie. I'm twenty-five and I'm in the learning center because I have concentration issues and learning issues. That's all I'm gonna say…"

And around and around we went while I made remarks in my mind…

"Hello. I'm Olive and I have perspective issues, as I like to call it. Others call it OCD. I'm thirty-seven and I'm in the mental health center." Must be pretty bad OCD. 

"I'm Bella. I'm here for… everything and nothing I guess. I'm fourteen and in the rehab and mental health centers." Everything and nothing? The hell does that mean? 

"I'm Bri. I'm in the rehab center for being bipolar and I'm twenty." Straight to the point. 

"I'm Sophie. I see and hear things. I'm sixteen and I'm in everyplace except the learning center, even the main hospital." Schizophrenia? 

"I'm Izzy. Honestly? I'm too weak and too tired. I'm thirteen and am in the main hospital and the mental health center." Izzy looks so fucking tired, even more so than me. 

"Some say I'm an over-eater because of my weight. Others say I'm anorexic because they never see me eat. I'm twenty-three and I'm in the mental health center. I'm Ellie, by the way." I could definitely relate to Ellie. 

"Hey. I'm Cat, and I'm thirteen. I'm in the main hospital and rehab center because I've cut and burnt myself before. But I'm better now!" Well then, she was kind of quick to defend her reputation. Maybe she's hiding something?

"Hey. I'm Deb. I'm fifteen and I'm sad." That was rather blunt.

Lastly, there was a tired looking girl with dirty blond hair. She gave us all one heck of a fake smile. "I'm Sue. I'm twenty-nine, in all areas of the hospital except the learning center, and I tried to kill myself." Only I gasped, because everyone else heard Sue in the circle before and they knew about her dark past. 

I felt weak, especially after learning that I was the only one in the group with an illness anything like cancer. Still, I stayed the hour and then got wheeled back to my room. Getting me back onto the bed was so fun, I almost starting crying! Note my sarcasm. 

I thought about Sue. She was nothing like me in any aspect besides age, but I kept seeing myself saying the words she said. 

"I tried to kill myself."

It was so fucking blunt. For a second I thought she said it like that for attention, but I know better. I shouldn't ever think like that. Besides, she's probably tired of repeating herself over and over again. I learned in that hour that she's been at the hospital for a long while now. Long enough to have attended thirty-five of those little meetings. 

I don't know how she could attend thirty-six (and counting) meetings. Then again, I don't know anything about her. Yeah, I know what she looks like, but I want to know so much more. I can't say that my need for knowledge about her doesn't worry me.

I have so many questions for her though. 

Why did she try to kill herself?

Is she still suicidal? Is that why she's been in the hospital for so long know?

Does she have family that comes to visit? 

Is the in a relationship? Does her partner come and visit?

At what age did she become suicidal?

How many times did she try to kill herself?

How did she do it?

Is she a mother, like me?

Anything can happen, so if she is a mother and tried to commit suicide that's okay. Well, I mean its not okay. You shouldn't want to leave your kid or kids. You shouldn't want to kill yourself either! I'm just saying… well… I'm not good with words.

Actually, I used to be good with words. I used to be a lot of things. I used to be stronger, smarter, nicer, happier, healthier…

I remember back during Warped Tour 2012, when I met Kellin Quinn for the "first" time. When you think about it, this is all his fault. Not that cancer of course, but everything else. My attitude, strength, and happiness were suddenly different, changed, and it all depended on him. Maybe it always has. Maybe if I never met him I'd be in the hospital for what Sue is here for. Maybe not. 

The thing is, I can't tell if having him in my life, meeting him again in 2012, was a good thing or a bad thing. Sometimes I'm very great full for him. Most of the time, actually. But other times, I can't help but get the feeling that things would be better off if I didn't open my goddamn mouth and speak to him that entire summer. Or maybe even that summer over ten years ago; I sometimes just wish I did something… different…

if I could go back in time
to the day that we met
i'm sorry,
but i would turn
and walk
away

~Blu~

There have only been a few times when I've seen Kellin cry. There has been many times when I've seen my band members cry. And, I've cried more than I can count. It's all because of Summer. In the end it will always be because of her, but this time it's not her fault. And she can't fight like she used to. 

I know it's sick of me to say, but I wish that if she had to get cancer she'd either get it at age twelve or age seventy. When you're a child you have a better chance of living. But, if she did die then at least we wouldn't have made this long journey together as sisters, only growing closer, to have her leave me wondering around without my partner in crime. And, you can't live forever. So why not get leukemia at an old age when you already know the end is near, cancer or not?

I wish… I wish I never met Summer sometimes. But I don't know what my life would be like if I didn't. I wouldn't have Beau, or CC, or a best friend. If probably have no piercings, no tattoos, and work in a bank if it weren't for her. I love her for allowing me the life I have now, and for joining me along the ride. 

But I also hate her, and myself for that matter. She's leaving me and I'm a selfish bitch. Great combination. 

I don't mean to be selfish; I hate that fucking cancer taking over her bit by bit, I don't really hate Summer. I don't want to think of a life without her, but I know she won't be here for too much longer. I predict a year or two.

There's no point of trying to be optimistic anymore. She's laying in a hospital bed, tubes jabbed in her chest, her head probably shaved, no makeup or nail polish, no jewelry on or in, and pale as a ghost. It's difficult enough trying to "believe" when the doctor first told her she only had so long to live. Now it's all coming together so quickly. 

The only thing anyone can hope for now is her children, her legend, and her music because the Summer we all once knew (whether it be Summer James Parker, Summer Quinn, Summer Parker, or just SJ) is gone. Cancer has won, and the battle hasn't even began yet.

A/N: Oh my god I actually updated. Wow. I can't believe it's almost been a month since I uploaded. Sorry guys. I hope you liked the chapter. Remember to vote and comment. Please and thanks. Love you all.

~Catt