Last Hope (Kellin Quinn) {Book 3}

11. moving

Moving

Song: Home by Phillip Phillips

Just know you're not alone, cause I'm going to make this place your home …

~Summer~

The afternoon before I left for the hospital Destery came over. Kellin was out with the girls at the park so I could have alone time to pack. 

"Hey," he greeted when I opened the door. I leaned in for a kiss, but he moved away. We hugged instead, confusing me. 

I knew something was wrong. I should have from the start. No, not because he'd been spending a lot of time with Bry. Not because he'd been acting odd lately. Because of me. Because not one wants to love a dying girl. 

When he sat me down on the couch and uttered the words, "I think we need to break up," it felt like he shoved his hand straight into my chest, grabbed my heart, pulled it out, and stomped on it in front of me. I felt disgusting, not disgusted, disgusting. I'm dying; I'm being put in a hospital for awhile, my hair is going to fall out (if I don't shave it before), and I'm not going to be able to do anything anymore. 

"What?" I asked in horror. 

"I can't do this."

"You can't do what?"

"I can't be with you knowing that you'll be leaving me sooner or later."

"Des, you AREN'T the one dying! I am!" 

We both cried. I broke everything off with Kellin for Destery. I loved him as much as someone like myself could. I gave myself to him in every way possible, physically and emotionally. I let him into my children's lives as well as mine. I cried because of all these things that once meant something now mean nothing. Destery cried because he didn't want to be with a chick with cancer. He didn't want to be with a bald, skinny, ill thirty year old in just a matter of weeks, so he broke it off before I even stepped foot into the hospital. 

"Leave Des!" I screamed out of rage. 

"Sum you gotta understand where I'm coming from!" 

"Shit is where you're coming from. Or at least that's what's coming out of your mouth. Now get out of my house!" I tried to push him out the door, and I thought that in my emotional state I would have the strength to actually make him move. I didn't though. Des didn't budge, not even a little. 

"Baby please, I just can't do this-"

"No, you don't /want/ to do this! You don't want to deal with me. Well guess what! I don't want to deal with cancer and dying and leaving my children but I'm doing that anyway because sometimes people don't get choices and-" I stopped myself from my jumble of words. 

"Summer!" Both Des and I looked towards the front door. Aurora, who used the key I have under the doorstep, stood in the doorway. 

I said no more. I rushed off to my bedroom, making sure to lock the door behind me. I heard Des and Rah's shouting and arguing, then I heard the front door slam shut. Destery left, leaving his dying ex girlfriend behind without a care in the world. 

----

Moving into a hospital room made everything all so real. It wasn't scary because I was dying anymore. The second I stepped into my new room it became scary because I actually do have cancer. The doctors appointment where I was told I have leukemia wasn't some twisted dream. The nights I cried myself to sleep weren't because of something else. My cancer is real, and it's easy to see that's my cancer is also a part of me. 

The babysitter watched the twins as Kellin, Scarlett, and I went to the hospital all together. I dragged my suitcase with me as I thought to myself, /my mom will be here soon. I'll talk to her about Des and my move. She'll make me feel better. She always does./

Kellin is wonderful and all, but when it came to me telling him and the breakup all he said was rude things. 

"Destery is a dick!"

"He's such a fucking coward!"

"The asshole didn't deserve someone as strong as you."

His words helped me with feeling better about me in general, but not the relationship that ended because of my cancer. My mom, one of my best friends ever, will understand though. She's been through breakups before my dad came along. She's been through the death of her husband too. She's in a relationship - cue the cringe - now, but that doesn't mean she can't help me. 

A nurse brought me into, with Kellin and Scarlett following, into a room. In the room was a bed, four or five chairs, a television, a door leading to a bathroom, a couch, a few small tables, and a window with a view from the fourth floor. I set my bag down on the bed and Scar cradles up to sit next to it. I felt Kellin grab my hand and hold it tight. The nurse handed me a clear bag with a gown and hospital socks. 

"Ms. Parker, if you don't mind could you please go and change into these? We need to start treatment right away and we can't do that unless you're in this gown. Also the socks might make you more comfortable," she said. A sad expression was on her face. I could tell. It's been on everyone else's faces too. 

I took the bag and nodded. Slowly, I walked to the bathroom. When I looked back I saw the nurse leaving and Kellin sitting down next to his baby girl. I closed and locked the door, stripped down to my panties, threw on the baggy gown, and pulled the warm socks on. 

In the mirror I saw such a familiar face. Then, the fact that soon I'll be bald and weaker dawned on me. Soon I won't be the person I've grown up knowing for all these years. By the time I'm thirty instead of being with my band, being married, and mothering my children I will be hairless and weak while trying to get better. If I think that right now is difficult maybe I should wait and see how the soon future turns out. Destery already left me, and I'm not even hairless yet! This will really be an eye opener. 

I opened the door and stuffed my other clothes in my bag from home. 

"Hey, the nurse came back in here and said for you to lay down and get comfortable," Kellin said as he sat with Scarlett.

I got in the bed and made myself as comfortable as you can. I wake nervous though. My everything was shaking, and I'm not kidding. My lips quivered, my hands vibrated, my legs quaked, and more. I spent a lot of time researching leukemia and treatment after I found out I was being moved into the hospital. I searched up cases like mine, where you got moved into the hospital because of your cancer. Most of the things I watched or read were about children since they have a better chance of living, but in some cases I learned about adults too. Plus I have a slight slight slight chance of living (note the three slight's) so I need to know as much as I can. 

I figured the nurse, or doctor, would come back into the room in any second and put a tube in my chest like I saw on the Internet, but no one came back into the room until two house later. 

That night, after Kellin went home (he's staying at my house with the girls), the nurse came into to check up on me. "You know," she said, "that this is a pretty big hospital?" 

I nodded. This hospital is actually huge! It isn't just a normal hospital for people with illness like cancer, this place also has many centers. 

There's a rehabilitation center where you can stay, or stay in the hospital and be in both. The people in the rehab center alone are mostly drug addicts who took a turn for the worst, have terrible injuries, and things like that. The people in both the rehab center and main hospital are usually self harmers or people with issues like that. 

There's a learning center. There is many people who stay in the learning center and main hospital. The people who only stay in the learning center usually only have things like severe dyslexia. The people in both are always mentally challenged. I know for a fact that /always/ is a correct term in this situation. 

Then we have the mental health center. It's a center for people dealing with mental issues. Maybe, for example, someone is dealing with seeing things that aren't there and going crazy because of it. They'd be in the mental health center. They'd also be in the main hospital, but mostly the mental health center. 

"There's an hour meet-up for women tomorrow. It's once every week. Any female thirteen years or older can go, that is if they are healthy enough. You are, and not many people go. Only a few more than ten came last week. I personally think it's a wonderful chance to meet other people fighting their own battles. Would you like to go?" she asked. 

I shrugged. "When is it? My-" I had to stop myself from saying husband. Then, I thought and I had to stop myself from saying boyfriend. "My children and their father is coming to visit and have lunch."

"It's at three in the afternoon. It's in an office in the main hospital building, the one you're in now. It's held by a female therapist who specializes in all types of things. If you decide you want to go I can assure you that you will be back in your room shortly after four."

"Okay. I'll go," I agreed. 

"Good. And if you don't want to stay the whole time you don't have to. You just call me," sge handed me a small gray remote with a red button in the middle," and I'll be there in flash. When you press the button it sends a message to my pager. You're number twenty-one, remember that. Okay, now I'm going to let you sleep. I'll be back in the morning. G'night Ms. Parker."

"Goodnight…" What was her name again? 

She chuckled, as if she could read my mind. "Emily, but call me Emma."

I smiled at her. "Goodnight Emma, and thank you…"

A/N: I hope you all like this chapter. I can't wait for the next. Get this chapter get twenty comment? Please and thank you. Also, would you guys mind checking out my new Louis Tomlinson (of One Direction) story? I think you will all love it, even if you aren't a 1D fan, because in a way it's very similar to this story. You can find the story on my profile. Please tell me in the comments if you will read it. Please guys. Love you all.

~Catt